With the King

Happy New Year!

2012-02-02T13:45:00.001+05:30

Here I am, writing my first post this year. And I have a 3000 word assignment that is due in 23 hours! Shocking? Well, I do this all the time. Experience in JNU hasn't helped either. It's interesting, how one craves for college life when he works, and craves for work life when he is in college! Knowing that I just have two more months at SAIACS has started working on the tectonic plates of my psyche; and I'm gearing myself to work my head off once again.

The Floating Leaf moves on into another phase. What is it going to be this time? Publishing? Advocacy? Social Work? Education? I'm not sure yet, but as the spectator of my own life, I'm at the edge of my seat!

Home

2011-10-29T20:20:00.001+05:30

It's a strange thing. When you want to post on your blog, you never get around doing it. But when you want to write your assignment due in 4 hours, you get the strongest urge to blog. Why is it always this way? While this may be a sign of unproductivity, laziness and lack of discipline, it at least makes for one more good post!

Home. Where the suitcases are. Where my family is. Where I belong. Right now, Home is H-68, Trivandrum. It changes every 3 to 5 years. It has been that way since I was a kid. While everybody wants to go back to their own hometown for vacation because they miss the familiar surroundings, and the climate and the smells and the familiar friends, where everybody knows them. But for me, the place is not as familiar as the hostel I'm staying in right now. I don't have friends my age there. It is not the best place for a holiday.

But right now, sitting alone in a class-room, trying to focus my mind on the assignment, my mind wanders around. I am alone. Everyone have somehow finished their assignments, and are having fun together, while I am still alone in the class. But I never ever ever feel lonely. I still feel I am safe, and secure; not just because of the assurance of Divine company, but also because of a family back home, waiting for me. While I may not have the greatest urge to get there right now, just the thought of my family brings me a sense of remote community; in spite of the fact that I do not call them often enough, or even email them.

Thank You, all at home! For just being there!

Lots of Love

The Blog Evangelist

2011-09-15T23:54:00.001+05:30

In a couple of days, I might actually get a new blog convert; a fine respite to my own ever-increasing disinterest, marked by the increasingly boring posts that you see popping up. If you're at my blogsite for the first time, and if you are a friend of mine, you would go to the years 2008 and 09 where I've actually written something worth reading!

But back to blog-converts...

Ever since I started my blog in the year 2006, I've managed to tell a few select people about it, and those I did, I persuaded to start ones of their own. Some are defunct, while others are going strong! The peppy linguists' blog was started, and so did Parul's and Mahim's; the angry old man's blog revived, and now, there'll be a new one!

I'll post and tweet the link as much as I can! I'm sure this new writer will be awesome too!!!

Words

2011-09-10T00:57:00.001+05:30

It's been a while since I've posted, and I thought I'd resume my post with a few updates, for those of you who read my blog to know what's up with me.
I'm still in Theological college, doing hopefully my final year here. I can study for one more year if I want to. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life actually. If any one of you out there who think I might be of help in your enterprise/organization, let me know. I am pretty good when it comes to computers and writing. Though I can keep good inter-personal relationships, I'm horrible at public speaking. As long as you work for justice and equity, I'm all ears!
Ok. that's it for the CV.
Right now, I'm reading a book on Trauma and Recovery; and I'm finding it very difficult to read it. It talks about how fragile the human mind is, and how it can be irreversibly broken by traumatic events or human atrocity. The psychological damage a rape victim, or a car-crash survivor, or a soldier that has seen battle goes through is immense, and though the the symptoms are more or less unseen, the cause is like a huge iceberg under the person's conscious being.
And an insensitive word, or a loose remark can actually create havoc in that person's mind; that the person could even drown in depression for days... And in today's world, there are more people than not that have experienced trauma; more likely because of domestic violence or child-abuse or rape or war, as opposed to being victim to a tsunami, or an earthquake.
While my close friend and inspiration, the Angry Old Man would shake his fist at the system, and fight to make sure abusers and war-mongerers are never born, I, being a little more passive; would watch out for those that need help, and try and help make right emotionally, mentally and spiritually the wrong that has been done to them.

Trip to NE Post 1 Train Ride

2011-05-09T08:40:00.001+05:30

The journey, though hot and tiring, was peppered with lots of fun and jokes.

This is the post you've all been waiting for! about the awesome adventure trip to NE!, well, technically, just Nagaland, with a longish stop-over at Guwahati. Nonetheless, the trip was awesome, not just as an adventure trip, but a learning experience in culture, language and err... travel-planning.

The train journey was 'AWESOME' Barney Stinson style. We had earlier booked Sleeper-Class tickets via apparently the 'only' train from Bangalore to Dimapur. It stopped at 70 odd stations! 3 days n 2 nights! But thankfully we had amazing co-passengers.
I remember, in the movie Spy Game, Robert-Redford tells Brad Pitt that cigarettes are the best ice-breaker. I was thrilled to know that the best ice-breaker in any sleeper-class compartment is a full deck of cards. I realized that almost 99% males in our lovely country knows how to handle a deck of cards. We spend 4 to 6 hot hours playing Bluff, Rummy and Donkey. We got to know the co-passengers, a bunch of Assamese laborers in Bangalore. Fun, honest and soft-spoken to the point of being coy. My friend and I, two average South Indians, with a loud sense of humor seemed like aggressive North Indians next to them.
Another bunch of co-passengers, some Thangkul Bible College students also provided us directions to get around NE, and good suggestions about where to go and what to eat.

Parenting

2011-02-10T00:50:00.000+05:30

While I was getting a hair-cut today, I was transported back in time when visiting the barber-shop was like visiting the dentist, (or like going to your piano-lesson when you know you haven't practised!) Basically, I could feel that sense of anxiety and worry for an unpleasant 15 minutes; where a stranger with no sense of personal hygiene runs a pair of blunt scissors through your hair, pulling it out, and pushing your head left and right, pretending you were some sort of rag-doll with a head that can turn 360 degrees!

However, my parents were sympathetic to my plight, and used to listen helplessly as I complained. Unlike the young mother I saw today. She came with her young son whom I presume studied in the Second Grade. While the barber was trying to cut his hair, she was the one shouting at him asking him to hold his head still, and pushing his head down herself when he didn't know how to. And I thought to myself. This is the ultimate betrayal! When you thought you could rely at least on your parents through this difficult ordeal, they break your trust, yielding to the pressures of conformity in the barber-shop, instead, of at least having the fun of watching the barber struggle as you refuse to conform!

I have seen kids become constant class-toppers because of this sort of up-bringing, and I have also seen kids cave in to peer-pressure later on. What struggle would it be, for a parent to tight-rope-walk the thin balance between disciplining your child and giving him his dose of TLC. It reminds me of the Calvinist-Arminian Debate!

Allergic to books

2011-02-03T11:05:00.001+05:30

Recently I put up a status-update on my Facebook account that said I was allergic to books, and then made a half-clever remark about the ebook revolution. Though not many on facebook know, it is very true. I AM allergic to books. Especially the ones in the library! I think it's the dust or the book mold, but whatever it is, whenever I open a book, my throat gets blocked, and I cannot breathe, and I end up coughing, and reeking with bad-breath.

The frustration is that most of what is so valuable to me is on paper and no where else. Unless somebody shows me how to find whatever I need from whichever book online - for free or for a very low price. (It is interesting how I now associate anything soft-copy with being free. What has piracy done!) Anyway, this is just a shoutout whoever happens to pop into my blog today. I need your prayers desperately! I have a fourteen page assignment to finish tonight. (16 hours, max) and I have a fever. I have 3 books I must read (I guess I'll use a bed-sheet or something to cover the nose) and 16 articles. And I need the brain-power to last (and focus) for the next 16 hours...

SAIACS update

2011-01-18T19:03:00.000+05:30

This is just an update of happenings at SAIACS.

things are going fine here. slightly too fast for my comfort though.

I had to make a power-point show (along with Jeremiah) for SAIACS as they're applying for accreditation to Mysore University.

It took us the full of three nights. The show was 10:30min long, with 97 slides. We had to record a voice-over, which included a lot of amateur sound editing (a first for me!) While it was a learning experience, it involved me staying up till 3:30am two nights in a row. (and getting up at 7:30am the next day) and no afternoon siesta. resulting in a bit of harsh flu.

But everything went off smoothly, and the presentation has been, well... presented, successfully.

Now I have to get back to my studies, along with flu.

Of course, something else has been stealing my attention these few days.

The SAIACS volleyball tournament. We won yesterday's league match convincingly, and lost today's the same way.

There are three more league matches to go, and all our heads are filled with strategy.

If only we had more than 24 hours a day!

It feels like I'm alive again, and though I may not be explicitly contributing to society in anyway, I am glad to be alive and enjoy God and society!

Until the next post!

Are we born snobbish?

2010-11-05T13:17:00.000+05:30

The contents from this post is a result of a few insightful conversations with sensible people. Therefore, thank you, sensible people.You'll know who you are. (The post is not polished, and the chances of me editing it is rare.)

Ever since I got immersed in to the (non-activist) leftist movement at JNU, I have always tried to open my ears to the voices of the poor and the oppressed. I try to look out for those that 'fall between the cracks' by either blending in too much or by being too silent. The orphan and the widow; the bonded laborer, the HiV victim cannot find the words to express their distress. They have been taught to scream silently, so that people like ourselves wouldn't hear them when we walk over them. And while there are a few who take advantage of their weakness and snatch from them what little they have, the rest of us either choose not to look in that direction, or mumble a prayer before deleting the memory off our head. I however, try to keep my eyes peeled and my ears dirt-free so I can catch the slightest whimper to either pray for or do something about it. Or so i thought...

I now realize that I am far-sighted; oblivious to the problems budding in my own college campus, just until a prophetic friend pointed it out to me. There is an entire set of people in my own college that look at me as a hi-fi person. As someone brought up in several urban settings, with (relatively) extensive computer knowledge, and who calls English his heart-language, I get a status of being one of 'those' 'hi-fi' people, while the 'normal' or 'simple' people born in a rural or poorer urban set-ups do not relate with me. There are other people who refuse to converse in English, but can understand it, and I don't make a move to get to know them. Well, we can't blame anyone for that; we all have our different wavelengths and areas of interest, and it is these that define who our friends are.

But this obsession with sticking with 'my own kind' is the beginning of the polarization of our campus, where people form different cliques based on their ethnicity and class-status. Everybody has their own comfort zone. But this gradual increase in the chasm between cliques deafens our ears to any cry from help from outside the group. Even Facebook doesn't effectively bridge the class/ethnicity divide between groups in our campus. The Lord, who's eyes range throughout the earth looking for a heart committed to Him and His mission for the 'orphan' and the 'widow' would reject us; who refuse to lift our head outside our comfort-group-huddle and take a look around now and then.

But why is it that we don't look outside our group? Because it involves a sense of insecurity of thinking differently from those within. Thinking differently from the group could lead you to a slow exile from the group itself. But in order to stand between the gap for the poor and the oppressed such small sacrifices will have to be made.

To keep things going

2010-11-05T02:51:00.001+05:30

It's been more than a month since I've blogged, and now, I'm back; because of an unintended yet pricking reminder that it's been too long since I've left me ol' blog-desk. We writers generally bump into writers block when we either have nothing to write about, or when we have too much to write about that we don't know where to start. Inspiration comes when we generally have just enough to write about. But it's not because of writer's block that I haven't posted for more than a month now. It's because of the censor board in my head that tells me that my new found yet close friends would not take my rants about them very well. (No guys, you're all nice people... luv y'all!)

Today we had a great game of lawn-badminton sans the floodlights, wooden courts, competition and resulting tiredness. A few months ago we had a refreshing game of volleyball, again without the angry coaches, scouts and angry team-mates. Just enough to release a good deal of sweat and a lot of endorphin. Looking back at my post-adolescent days when there was this unexplained yet deep desire to prove myself to be better than everyone else at almost every sport/skill, I didn't seem to enjoy sports. But after so many years of physical hibernation, just playing the game for no other reason that just playing the game in itself brings so much joy. Sure, my volleyball game and my badminton game will never be as good as it was 4 or 5 years ago, but who cares? It's not like I'm competing for the Olympics!

Not that I'm aged now or anything, but it's interesting to see how age changes ones priorities. What was once an insecure adolescent who finds his happiness by building his own skills that he can hide behind them, is now one who tries to focus on building up the people around him. (All you cheeky cynics, note the word tries!!) Also this 'letting go' of such obsessions gives me this sense of peace, that I now realize was forfeited when I decided to be 'better' than everyone else.

Moral of the story: Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless. What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun?

(Hopefully my next post will come out sooner and better. Writer's block still not cleared. the nanowrimo experiment didn't help either)

Negotiating Spaces

2010-09-16T06:48:00.003+05:30

This post has been sitting in the waiting-room of my head for quite a while now! (Thanks Subbu!)

I'm writing this post at 6:30am. The only reason why I got up so early in the morning was that I need to finish an assignment by 7:30am. Unfortunately, my mind seems to be interested in other things and my stomach seems to be uninterested in the Tea I just drank, so I might as well play along. (Hope no professor sees this :P)

Fourth month into SAIACS, and back to complete health (thanks for all your prayers! TB has finally said good-bye) I am back in business! 4-5 hours of sleep everyday, and lots and lots of incomplete to-do lists in hand. I'm loving it! Though, interestingly, this was not the reason why I joined here in the first place!

When I decided to join a Bible college, it was basically to take time off and learn about God and myself. To have a contemplative two years after which I should have figured out which direction I should be headed. So the fact that we get huge single-seater rooms, good food and excellent academic stimulation in this Bangalore periphery made me apply. Interestingly (though not surprisingly) things have been way different than planned.

This being the third campus I've lived in is more crammed than the first two. People literally piling on people. All sense of anonymity is lost. People would come to know how many times you've used the loo that week, and for some sadistic reason, will pass on the information! And though I have a single room, its prime location in the hostel makes it an ideal storage-space for all the day-scholars and a good hang-out for hostelites. This meaning, all sense of privacy is lost! And in the words of a dear professor of mine, we need to learn to just 'negotiate our spaces'.

Though I'm ripping her phrase off her context, we've been playing with these words for quite sometime, and they have proved to be useful. The fact that we are packed like sardines in a can explains that we need to learn to negotiate our spaces of anonymity; basically trying not to tread on other's toes and sharpening our filtering systems (yeah, the ones that make sure we don't drop our guard let out important secrets). We also learn to negotiate spaces of priority. 'Is my academics more important? or is it that friend that needs my help?' 'Will I lose both rabbits if I chase them at the same time?' 'Or will I get both mangoes with the same stone?' We learn to negotiate spaces of self-images 'Should I care of what people think?' or 'Should I just learn to be myself?' It's interesting that after so many years in closed campuses, I find that I'm learning these things for the first time! With this lack of human 'space' in this huge sparsely populated campus, we have to learn to negotiate our spaces in order to live a sane life.

Paradise

2010-07-18T23:06:00.001+05:30

Never thought I'd get back to studying, but here I am, back to unreality. I remember crying myself to sleep on my first day in Delhi. Staying on top of a deserted house in a village that was famous for its dangerous gangs. It was quite traumatic in the beginning, to hear of thefts in nearby houses, and a theft in the very same house that I had just moved into. At that time I did not have any house-hold things, except for a rice-cooker. I tried cooking on my very first night there, and I gagged over and over while I tried to stuff the sticky rice in as fast as possible. I wasn't even used to eating alone!

2 years (counting 5 months at home) in a life like that, where my worries were about stuffing money in socks when I walked home after 11 in the night, and how I would get up in the morning for work when I was forced to stay up all night because there was no electricity and the mosquitos that swarmed like the locusts during Moses' plague.

Now, all I seem to worry about is not being able to keep in touch with friends and not being able to organize myself, and not be as productive as I should be. The food, the laundry, security problems and the company ot have fun with is taken care of! I am pampered in many ways. I hope I do well here. Must get my act together.

Where are you from?

2010-07-14T16:37:00.001+05:30

Being a campus hopper all my life, I have found that the first few questions people ask you could tell you a lot about the atmosphere you're entering into. When I walked into my Std V class in Chennai for the first time, everybody said. "Which class do you belong to?" "Std V? Sec A? Right this way!" Do you know Tamil?, no? Are you a foreigner? Where do you live? Oh! How much is your rent?..." I got to answer all these questions on my first day at school, all of 9 years. But I (much later) figured out that they were bunch that hadn't seen anything outside Chennai. That last question told me how particular they were about the class-setup. Who was richer than the other, and why.

When I moved to JNU, the question there was... "Which college did you study in last?" Obviously, trying to gauge your past education, and calculate your IQ based on that information. At Xaviers, it was a more happy-go-lucky kind, where one asks "What are your interests?" hoping you would have the same hysterical love for jive dancing, F-1 racing, or obscure modern poetry as they do.

At SAIACS, the question is more primordial. "Where are you from?" People like myself, who have been travelling around do not have an accurate answer. I end up telling where my parents were from, which gives them some satisfaction. Somehow, as a person living in cosmopolitan areas all my life, the question shocks me. But it reveals a lot more. The asker, mostly someone stepping into a cosmopolitan environment for the first time in their life would prefer finding someone they could relate with better on a cultural level; mainly to help both asker and askee deal with the crazy cosmopolitan environment. It also helps build stereotypes about places and people. Put strange faces and behaviors into boxes. It is an amazing coping mechanism, helping the person adjust better if not used with caution. Stereotypes could become unproductive and racist if not handled with care.

Since 80% of the campus are exposed to such environments for the first time, much care must be taken to not step on anybody's toes. Just to know what the person's background is will let most people know where his toes are. e.g. whether the person eats pork, or whether he gets offended by sarcasm, etc. During my BA, I was thought about the evils of stereotypes, that could lead to racism, and how mean it is to ask questions based on ethnicity. It's interesting how a little more basic (rather mundane) knowledge can help build (instead of break) relationships with strangers.

5 Stages of Settling in

2010-07-11T18:33:00.001+05:30

Every new place I go to, I unconsciously go through a few stages of settling in. Have you heard of the 5 stages of grief? Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance? I have my own 5 stages for settling down in a new place.

Stage 1 Getting a feel

Being altogether new and all, I try to keep a low profile, while trying to find out as much as possible about the place, and the kind of people that are there. Introvert as I am, I will not talk much, be as polite as possible, and try to not step on anybody's toes. Doing that in SAIACS was quite the challenge, because like a prof here once said, 'we're all crammed here like sardines'. So getting a feel, which usually takes 2 weeks, took me only one. I got to know many great people, and spotted my potential buddies, and I slowlly slipped to

Stage 2 Getting comfortable

As the Tamil saying goes, the 'tail came out of the pants' (translated and paraphrased). I started getting bolder, pulling out my usual sarcasm, and getting to know people a little bit more. This is when I slowly stop missing my old friends and try to 'move on' to the new ones. This usually takes 2 months to complete. SAIACS tries its best to be welcoming to new-comers, trying to help us out in any way possible, from faculty to students. The weather speaks for itself, and the campus, with its rough stone railings, huge well-manicured lawn, cheerful people, croquet, cricket, football and music lures you into itself. Days go by quickly, as not much time is wasted. The rigorous academic schedule makes sure of that. After a slight initial complaining, I'm comfortable enough to get to know SAIACS a little more, pushing me into

Stage 3 Disillusionment

This is where I am now. Since all campuses or places showcase themselves as the ideal spot to be in, and that it's only a closer view that actually reveals that it's impossible to be 'ideal', it pushes you into disillusionment. All those assumptions I made in Stage 1 and 2 slowly break-down when I see the darker reality of what's before me. Virtues I was so used to in other places are absent here. The people here are so different from what I thought they would be like. With SAIACS, it is how stories about you are made and how they come back to you modified and exaggerated. With JNU, it was the dirty dhabas, the disregard for professionalism and usage of time, the slow way things moved POed most of us, city-slickers that learned to split every second in two. This stage is a stage where decisions could be made. (observe the hi-lighted 'could') You could either quit, or, slowly and unwillingly shift into

Stage 4 Paradigm shift. (Pun -tended)

I haven't got to this stage here at SAIACS, but I will soon get there, don't worry. I've done it before :P. In JNU, when I was so pissed with taking things slow, I learnt how to keep myself occupied, and think and meditate on things. I watched many movies, read many books, learnt to juggle, learnt to play the guitar a little better, made a crazy bunch of friends, danced for the first time. These things I couldn't have done without having all 24 hours of the day with just 2 hours required to stay afloat in class. At Dwarka, I learnt to cope with loneliness at nights with the movies, and random outings with friends, occasionally enjoying the adventure of walking into a dangerous village unarmed at 11pm!

Stage 5 Settling Down

Nothing much to explain here. Ever heard of the phrase "The City grows into you"? It's true with every new 'phase' on the planet! Just let yourself into the experience, while trying to stay away from the parts that conflict with your own values, and 'Bob's your uncle'!

I can't wait for Stage 5.

Exams

2010-06-16T00:43:00.002+05:30

When I was in School, the days I dreaded the most were the ones when the teacher would decide to along distribute the corrected answer-sheets two days after any (not just the bad) exam. I would silently pray every day after a class test (even during High-School) that the teacher would not walk in carrying the bundle of corrected answer papers. God, (I imagine) figured it wise not to answer my prayer then by preponing in the Armageddon or less dramatically making my teacher accidentally burn only my paper; and thus, I clambered through school.
Today, again, after two years of blissfully not having to have my work graded, I am back to the going-to-class grind, therefore resurrecting all my child-hood phobias of receiving corrected papers.
What is it about receiving Marksheets that I don't like? When I was in school, I was (apparently) 'very quiet', 'disciplined' 'listens to teacher'. At least that's what the report-cards said! The remarks section always had a lot of good things to say about me. But obviously, those comments don't matter. It is all those single digit numbers written in red that do. Especially when the exam was out of 100. Following typical Pavlovian principle, the moment I see the bundle of corrected papers under my teacher's arm, I instantly imagine the blend of disappointment, frustration and exasperation on my parents faces, and that makes everything that happens from then on taste like vinegar.
It was only after I grew my beard did I realize that studying could actually be quite engaging, and that it needn't only be a mad race to get good marks, but something you do because you love to think and wrestle with ideas. But in spite of that lofty thought, I did feel a little queasy when I collected my paper from the pigeon-hole today.
Thankfully I got the highest marks (along with 80% of the class). Apparently, they want to grade us liberally to make us feel confident. This particular person who got the same marks as me (and 70% of the class) said; "What must I do to get one mark more?" That threw me into a bout of emotional nausea. Aww... C'mon you! did you join theological studies so you'd top the class for the rest of the year? Did you join to compete? Seriously! Get a life! It's partly because I enough of this rat-race business that I'm into theology!
But upon further thought, I realized that I was kidding myself! My own emotional frustration rose from a primordial longing to top the class myself. May be it's all that frustration of coming last all these years! But on a more serious note, I love theology, (don't quote me on this yet) and campus life, (though that emotion still has nothing to do with the present campus) and hope to make the best of the two years ahead, in spite of the nagging fear of hitting the bottom of the class by the time the month is over.

Trivandrum

2010-05-29T01:40:00.001+05:30

2006 July, found me in the back bench of a classroom at JNU watching a professor walk in to the class in absolute frustration. How much longer was I going to study? At that moment, I had vowed to not study further, ever.
2010 June finds me ready to start studying all over again. Not research, or correspondence, but actual class-room lecturing! I note - yet again (here's why) Never say never.
But this regret 'note to head' is one among many thought processes involved in the transition phase.
The next stage is the observation of the new situation. Right now, it's Trivandrum; part of Kerala, God's own country. The same place where I did my Std I to IV. The place brings back great memories of not having a care in the world, of me learning new things; how to play badminton, ride the cycle, whistle and juggle two balls; memories of a scary bullies who practised their new karate moves on you, and scarier malayalam teachers who gave me great insight on the fear of anticipation of punishment.
Kerala shares a lot of similarities with the state my family just moved from. West Bengal. Both states have a passion for rice, fish, football and communism, and for some reason, makes it much more pleasant to be in when compared to the other states like Delhi, Maharashtra and Tamil Nadu. Of course, the average speech volume in both states differ hugely. You'll have to ask the Mallus to repeat themselves while expensive seinheisser earphones are necessary to drown out the ambient noise in an average Calcutta mall.
Trivandrum, though the capital of Kerala resembles a big town. No KFC, Me D's, or any fundoo restaurant. There is a Cafe Coffee Day here, whose service and ambience leaves a lot to be desired. But Trivandrum does not disappoint a foodie. Especially a cheap foodie. A good dinner with Beef Fry, Chicken Curry, Parottas, Fried Rice, and a huge range of high-end ice-creams for dessert should make the pocket of the father of a family of four lighter by not more than Rs500. And to think I used to spend more than Rs600 for a dinner for two at the Pizza joint in Delhi!
Other than the abundance of the 'four-wheeler' (means beef... THE secret-word to avoid offending cow-worshippers - chickens are two wheelers. Mutton is referred two as meat. The guy who coined the word doesn't eat pork), the place has its cultural attractions, A huge palace with an attached museum, and an awesome open-air theatre. Of course, there isn't much money here, so you don't get the famous artists exhibiting. But there is always some celebration or the other that goes on.
In my opinion, Trivandrum is a great place to buy your retirement flat. It's quiet, very green, and slow, if you want it to be. The real estate prices, I don't think should be as high as a hill-station, though it feels like one, except for the snow. The weather is actually very moderate, with lots of rainfalls. You'll love it if you've lived in super hot or freezing cold Delhi all your life. Just that you'll have to deal with the humidity and a new, extremely complex language. The shouting and bossing around won't work here either.
I'm happy to be here after such a long time. I'll be leaving for bangalore in a few days. That will be another new experience altogether!

Short update..

2010-05-01T02:06:00.000+05:30

Just vacated my place, and said bye to the landlord.. Have promised to keep in touch.. Moving everything from my place to A's took three tiring trips on the motorbike in the middle of a duststorm.. Will stay with A till day after..
Looking back, this move has been quite hurried, that i haven't been able to say goodbye to most friends properly; i feel it's because gravity of me leaving delhi for good hasn't sinked in.. May be it's because of all these last suppers i've been invited to! May be i might miss them after i've reached trivandrum, and am breathing easily..
Will write a more sensible post once i get to a computer!

Last day

2010-04-25T13:51:00.000+05:30

Was too lazy/busy (take your pick to regularly do the timeline thing like the past two days.. But right now, i'm in the bus that's hurtling down the himalayas trying to fight nausea and mobile blog at the same time (which would explain certain weird words and indecipherable sentences)
the day was good, overall.. Started late, but owing to the slow way time passes in manali, we were able to do justice to it..
We ate some delicious bun butter for breakfast along with some tea.. After getting back and freshening up, we checked out of our hotel and went for a walk.. On the way, we stumbled across a pine forest.. It was quite dense, and the trees made sure that all the sunlight that filtered through was a nice shade of green.. The walk was long and good.. There were a bunch of dogs quietly following us, hoping for a morsel.. But we couldn't spare any.. We were fast running out of cash..
We then made another pair of tourists click our pic..
Afterward, we had lunch at our favorite shack, and took our time to eat.. Only when we got to the bus stop, did we realise the bus was just leaving! We showed our ticket to the busstand manager and ran toward the bus and jumped in.. The bus master ran after us and told us our tickets were for yesterday's journey!
What now? It took up another 10min to sort out the confusion. Thankfully, the bus conductor was a nice fellow, and waited for us to make corrections.. And since the date mistake was the office's fault, we didn't have to shell any more money!

(updated the next day) The bus journey was uneventful and we managed without a heavy dinner.. Didn't want to take chances with our stomachs against the chicanes and hair-pin bends!
Of course, there was this stupid with a blaring mobile phone that didn't let anyone sleep.. He assumed everyone in the bus liked bollywood item numbers!
We reached delhi safely at 5.30a took an auto home.. The heat is already getting to me!

Day 3

2010-04-24T04:14:00.000+05:30

(please excuse the non-rotated and badly layouted pics.. Or buy me an iphone)
6.53a just got up.. Wanted to go for a walk at 6.30, couldn't.. Or didn't, rather.. Getting up out of a razai is quite hard! Will see if i'll go now..

8.56a Made it for the walk.. To the quieter part of manali.. Came here one early morning a long time ago.. Brought back memories.. But today, in spring time, when everything is not covered in snow, you realise how the green takes over everything that hasn't been walked on in 2 months.. Too bad i don't have a digital slr :-P

10.12a came back from the walk.. Had jam toast, and chai.. The sun's come up.. We've decided to stay here the night, and leave tomo morning.. But haven't decided what to do all day today..

11.30a went walking in one direction with the aim to climb a hillock.. Bought what the shopkeeper claims are raspberries and cherries.. I think they are ooty plums! Didn't climb the hill, but decided to stop halfway and dangle our legs off the roof of an abandoned building instead! On the way we saw a car that went sailing over an overbridge being pulled up by a crane.. Wonder if the man responsible for getting the car down there survived.. Came back and booked tickets home.. We'll be leaving at 1pm tomo..

12.45p at home.. Freshening up.. Getting ready to have lunch..

14.49p finished lunch.. 8 to 10 tandoori rotis each! The roti n dal was brilliant.. Had chai n came back for uno n catnap.. Realized the increased apetite is because of the great weather, good exercise and great food.. Initially thought i could put on weight before going home.. Later decided i'd lose the same in the delhi heat anyway, so there'd be no point.

22.18p stayed in the room till late in the evening.. Went out to get stuff for friends.. Had dinner.. Not as great as before.. A has a sore shoulder.. I have a headache.. Both promise to disappear by morning.. I guess it's setbacks like these that make a trip like this complete..

Day 2

2010-04-23T01:51:00.000+05:30

3.30a Am woken up by tossing and turning of bus.. Look out the window to see am eerie stack of lights.. Second look tells me i'm in mountain country

5.45a i don't dare open my eyes. The bus moves at impressive speed along the u bends. Keeping eyes open would result in bad nausea. I remember i need to take my medicine. I negotiate 15 seconds of nausea to pop the pills off their packets n into my mouth. The view is undeniably beautiful.. Camera doesn't capture well.. Always Blame it on the camera

6.10a we stop at sundar nagar.. Take more pics.. It's cold enough we can blow out fog!

9.09a reached kullu.. turns out the road to ladakh is closed.. Will have to change plans

11.31a reached manali.. Booked hotel room.. 400, quite cheap.. Quite shady too.. I've decided we spend as little time in it as possible.. Manali looks different in the summer.. More green than white.. We can still see snow caps though.. But there is no need for sweaters.. A thinks we can stay here for 2 days and relax.. I think we should move in the morning and find something else to do..

3.00p. We've walked for over two kilometers.. The place looks so good in spring.. Though i still like it better in winter with snow all around! Taken good pictures.. But time really slows down.. A sees the point in leaving.. I'm enjoying the cold.. I see the point in staying.. We've postponed the decision to tomo..

5.00p walked some more.. Watched honeymoon couples, each having a photographer and tourist guide tagging along.. Our camera just died.. Darn it..

6.00p walked even more. Crossed the baes river n back.. Again contemplated tomo's plans.. Bought coffee, and roamed even more..

7.00p came back to the room.. Tired with all the walking. Played uno.. Went out again.. Realize that trips with friends are not about doing cool things, but just have fun doing the same stupid things in a new place..

7.40p. At the restaurant.. Ordered one full tandoori chicken.. That's it.. It's raining outside.. Temperature around 15C

8.00p had one full chicken between us, and a full glass of milk.. Time for much needed rest..

Trip to manali

2010-04-22T05:20:00.000+05:30

7.30p got into the bus.. Fully packed.. Aashish is saying fond goodbyes

11p stopped over at a busstop dhaba.. Had bunta and clicked pics.. I figure the toilet owner has a friend in the printing business.. See pic.. We buy mint flavored potato wafers made in ludhiana.. Awesomeness..

11.40p on the bus again.. Will go to sleep

Metro picture

2010-04-19T05:57:00.003+05:30

The following post was typewritten on my mobile phone (T9 input) with an sms editor for my text-editing. So please adjust with the bad grammar. (Or be willing to fund an IPhone :)

Most of you (specially from delhi) would agree that one of the joys of using public transport is staring at other people.. The bunch of people sitting in front of me showed a slice of delhi culture..
The most prominent were a family of three.. migrant workers; most probably from hariyana, judging from their garb. The son, somewhere around 5 was full of life.. The father with a tiffin carrier between his fingers had an exhausted look on his face.. Obviously the family can't afford to take sunday off work, and junior had to tag along..
The kid was full of life, however.. Jumping around, asking a hundred n one questions to his mother, and playing with her.. It was nice to see the tired mom still have energy to play with her kid in spite of the hard day at work past.. Today was one of the hottest days, with temperatures blazing at 45c. The father, on the other hand, didn't want to join in the fun.. May be there was a jnu on his mind? May be he was self-conscious?
Next to this family, was a young couple engrossed with eachother; playing with a mobile phone, and learning the meaning of pda at the same time.. They paid no attention to the family next to them, even when the jittel boy put his dirty bare foot on the man's pants creating a footprint..
On the other end, was a plump man in his early 40s sporting a big moustache, he was watching the entire spectacle in disdain. Specially when the little kid put his feet on the chair, dirtying it.. The mother, catching his glance, quickly wiped off the stain with her saree, but not chiding her baby boy..
Isn't it how our city is, more or less? Mainly inhabited by the migrant worker, struggling to eke out a living, hoping to make it big in the city, and learning to find joy in little things that line their great hardships.. Our city cannot do without them.. However, the ones who have (or whose parents have) found wealth in the city either ignore the poor because they are caught up in their own world of unlimited pleasure they can now afford, judging by the new tabooless cultures they can now access due to their material surplus.. or look at them in disdain, assuming that it was all their own fault that they are poor.. But the poor are least bothered.. They cautiously keep a low profile while they continue their pursuit of happiness.

Few Random things

2010-04-17T10:33:00.000+05:30

Present circumstances (meaning me being unnecessarily stressed out about the packing and moving to Kolkata, and then to Trivandrum, and then to Bangalore) have not allowed me to write sensible posts, so just so you (whoever you are) know that I am here, I thought I'd put up a few random things that happened to me during the past month.

I installed my cooler. Cut a chunk of my finger in the process. But I slept really well.
All-out (A liquid mosquito repellant) apparently doesn't work in anybody else's house but mine.
I helped in a (failed) Lumbar Puncture. The guy was too big to hold steady all by myself.
70% of work at Shalom is done. Which is why I get time to type this up.
I need to collect photos from friends. After which I'll post links. Sadly, I haven't used my own camera (great as it is) to its full potential.
It's hot here, beyond comprehension. Even for a dilli-wala. I have a feeling the temperature will hit 50C this year. (122F)
I puked an entire night's dinner and the next days breakfast because of dehydration. I had no idea that dehydration could do that!
I'm seriously thinking about starting a new blog on music you don't have to buy. That I imagine I would update that one more often. Generally the plan dies out soon after the 'contemplative stage'.
A pigeon laid an egg in my balcony yesterday. And I thought it would have a nest at least. It laid the egg on the floor! And now it just sits on it. Wonder what it does when the sun comes up. DIY bird-nests anybody?
Can't wait to get out of Delhi. There is that feeling of unease that creeps in the moment you know you'll be leaving in a few days.
I've had the honor of meeting so many good friends here. As much as I want to run away, I feel sad leaving them all behind.

Have a Great Weekend!

Movie Watching

2010-04-09T16:30:00.001+05:30

This photo was taken the last time I went to a movie. Sherlock Holmes was playing, and I don't think I can miss Guy Richie's movies for the world. But in spite of all the drama that I lavished on the movie to my friends, I managed to miss the first 15 minutes, which had the famous fight-scene.
But no matter (I managed snag a pirated version from a friend later on) this blog is not about Guy Richie, or Downey Jr, but about watching movies in general.
It's amazing where God has placed me. I live in a time and place where the technology is so good that I can get a movie within 2 hours, and live in a country is so poor that I won't get caught that easily for pirating. So, for my kind, watching the movie in a theater does not make much sense. It's just louder, the pop-corn is expensive, you have to travel to the nearest theater, and shell out a lot of money, and you can't fast forward through the boring scenes!
But there is still a special charm of watching a movie in a theater with friend(s). The picture you see was taken on Republic Day just after I got out of the theater. The fog was so dense that (other than giving the chance for a brilliant pic, which I obviously messed up - blame it on the camera) I had to walk alone for 2 kilometers through criss-crossing streets in silence in 10meter visibility at 11 in the night. The place where I was walking a famous dumping ground for thieves. They basically dumped their victims on the very roads I was walking on!
Watching the movie in a theater is never about the movie (at least in my context) but about the experience of getting there and getting back!
I'm going to watch green-zone today. If Matt D delivers, I will most probably download it to watch it again and again till I memorize every scene!

Social Transition

2010-02-09T15:26:00.002+05:30

Today I had the opportunity to witness the birth-pains of a transition. A social transition. The first steps of a village man in the new city.
I had to take a friend's mobile phone to the service center to get it repaired. Apparently sony ericsson is not a good phone to buy, especially if it's the expensive kind. Their service centre is pretty busy, even at closing hours!
As I was standing in line, a young woman in her late teens came over to one of the service guys and started taking it out on him. Apparently, he had not been courteous enough to her or something, but she was really bringing the roof down. While she was doing so, the object of the ranting was grinning from ear to ear, infuriating the girl even more. The manager of the place tried to apologise for his junior, but the rascal simply couldn't resist grinning.
The girl (who seemed to know something about what she was talking about) shouted threats to close down the shop, and to go to consumer court, etc.,
Later on, after the storm settled and the girls disappeared from the area, the manager, who was a soft-spoken man himself told the rascal to get down.
Translated:
Manager: "Arrey yaar, what is it with you? Why can't you just say sorry? Even if it's not your fault, all you need to do is say sorry, and they leave peacefully."
Rascal: "What do you mean? First of all she's a girl and she shouldn't be talking like that. And It's as though it was my fault. Why should I say sorry?"
Random Customer: "Yeah... girls shouldn't be talking like this... What did he do wrong?"
Manager: (Obviously pissed a third person is messing up with his scolding) "We try to run a business here. A quick apology makes the problem go away, and we can get on with our work. Arguments just waste everyone's time"
Rascal: (trying to rally in the customer's sympathy) "She actually lives in a Juggi in Uttam Nagar, Why should I listen to her?"
Manager at this time gave up hope and decided to take a break.

Rascal seemed to be quite stubborn with his ideals. But, thankfully, his success in the industry he works in largely depends on his attitudes to his customers irrespective of their culture, background, etc. It won't be long before he understands that his livelihood depends on customers like the irate young girl, and that it would do him more good to actually treat the girl, in spite of her ignorance, with respect.
He will also realize that taking the support of busybody customers just to prove his point won't get him anywhere in life. And that the ways of the village and terms like 'izzat' and pride don't really make sense in the city. Thus he makes his first steps into a new culture where things are different. They are hard for poor rascal, but they're the values of the city, and they will keep him alive.
The sad thing about this however, is that Rascal will only embody these values to earn his daily bread, and that's about it. If only he is able to take it a step further and treat undeserving people with respect just because he has been treated with respect in spite of himself.

Philosophy of the Present, and it's uselessness

2010-02-08T11:57:00.002+05:30

I was in the middle of reading Badiou's discourse in the Badiou-Zizek's Philsophy in the Present, an ebook I picked up on random after hearing of Zizek's interesting views on society from the angry ol' man. Badiou had just finished outlining his three rules of incommensurable entities; or something like that, when I heard shouting in the house nearby.
A typical fight between husband and wife, I thought. Something I've grown cold listening to every night. But tonight (may be it being a Saturday night?) the husband was home drunk. Soon the wife started shrieking, and seconds later, she burst into loud wailing. The banging of their front door reverbrated through the corridor we share, and angry footsteps walked past my door, leaving behind silence, interrupted by sobs.
The footsteps walked back to the door,and the shouting resumed. Longer, this time, with the woman shouting louder and angrier, but sadly from behind my closed door I could hear the brokenness and defeat in her voice.
A baby had also started crying in the background, and both parents began to take their frustration on the child. The argument stopped and someone turned up the TV volume. Laughter and joke cracking erupts around the corridor, and the baby's wails have turned into confused laughter and sobs at the same time.
Sitting on my bed, I fought with thoughts of going outside and glaring at the man. Another good friend had warned me that I was no wrestler, and the very thoughts of chivalry were dissolved in a good dose of fear. It was when Badiou suddenly lost all relevance in life.

(Non-pseudophilo geeks pl skip this)
Well I could bring out the incommensurable relationship of the continuity of a normal family life with the exception, namely today's fight, which breaks the rule of the general set-up. The incommensurable relationship where one makes a decision between two points of view (well, i can't assure you there were points of view; The wordless-yet-loud argument between husband and wife which does not get resolved. But what really is the relevance of this brilliant way of looking at things? Finding the characteristics of the universal doesn't make sense in a time like this!

Ok, I'm finished with the pseudophilo bs... I've had my fun :)

I couldn't understand what had happened but I don't think what happened there was right. But I cannot pin-point who's at fault. I cannot say what is to be done to make the situation okay. I cannot from my place even try to make this wrong situation right. Hence, I just witnessed something bad happen, and couldn't do anything about it.
The world in itself is full of 'bad' things happening on large and small scales. Most of the time, we can't get our head around it, let alone solve it. Why is it so hard? simply because we are a part of the problem we're trying to solve (making it a mystery, according to RZ) Don't you think the hope for us could only lie outside us?

Old Year Reminiscing

2010-01-01T19:28:00.001+05:30

Old Year Reminiscing

The past year has been quite a ride; and I have had many opportunities to learn valuable life-lessons. So, apart from the usual stock-taking of the amazing blessings this year, I will also try to put down valuable lessons I've learnt this year, and also, when relevant, mention the people instrumental in teaching me these lessons.

So here goes.. Blessings.

I celebrated New Years last year at a friend's place in Delhi. A bunch of friends got together at 10:30pm, had a late dinner, and watched movies uptil 4 in the morning. After a brief sleep, we all woke up at 10am and began discussing politics, religion, faith, etc. If it was not for them, I would have meditated longer on the year past and the year ahead by myself, but it's only fellowship with friends like these that make New-Years different from the other holiday. Of course I had a brilliant dinner with other church friends at another place.

From here on, like to split my year into 3 chunks. The first 6 months, July, and the last 5 months.

The first 6 months.
These months were in Delhi, where I had a great time at work, and at church.

I got a chance to visit 2 places in Bihar and one place in Haryana on official duty during this time.
I got a chance to attend a cathedral service and sing bass to 'All hail the power of Jesus' Name' at the top of my voice
I enjoyed fellowship of wonderful church members in my own church. At first I was upset that there aren't many bachelors to have fun with after service, but having married members in church do have their perks.
I got to attend a piano masterclass
I got a chance to find a house of my own on rent.
I got a a new mobile phone that I can surf the net on

Things I learnt.

- You look the stupidest when you lose control of your tongue. Verbal diarrhoea sounds good only when the words are carefully scripted, and not ad-lib
- It's important to stay in touch. Though it's hard - Joseph
- Facilitated group discussions are better learning tools than lecturing - Mark D
- The art of summarizing - Mark D
- It's futile to argue with anyone above thirty (Well there are a few open-minded ones)
- Asking questions is an important tenet to listening - Moni S
- Heart-breaks stalls intelligent behavior - Anil
- There are always people to pray for you - Seema
- Going out of your way to help perfect strangers could be rewarding - Seema
- Spicy pork curry and rajaa mirchi pulls you out of depression - Khaning n Achui
- Driving late at New Years Night in Dwarka is dangerous. Too much fog -John n Jas

July

- I got a chance to visit a foreign country. (I count Nepal as a foreign country)
- A reassurance that I've got friends and family to support me when I'm dow
- I got to know what a cannula means, and that I don't need to be afraid of it.
- That TB could be a pain in the neck (well, chest... actually)
- Facilitated group discussions are so- so - so much harder than lecturing
- Overworking gets you nowhere, but it gives you a slight high.
- IVs hurt less than IM injections
- Nursing is the most under-rated profession
- The bigger the hospital, the bigger the cheats inside it
- Voveran helps.. Especially when you have a fever. - Dr Saira
- That I tend to take my health lightly. (I don't know how to take it heavily.. err seriously)

Last 5 Months
- To be taken care of by others after fending for yourself for a while requires humility
- That to leave your life in God's hands could mean that God won't tell you what exactly He's going to do with it.
- To not know what exactly God has planned could be very very annoying
- Controling emotions is no joke. (Still haven't figured out how that works)
- To take life one step at a time, especially when they are slow ones, requires patience-and faith... grr
- To fight with God really means to kick against the goads.. Ouch. I'd rather fight with myself. To hell with self-preservation
- That it's too easy to be a snob, and harder to get down to another's level
- Excitement is one cure for depression - Rachel K

Let's see what the new year brings!
Thanks for reading!!!

Christmas fun

2010-01-01T10:05:00.003+05:30

We, the Joseph family didn't know where we'd be spending Christmas until the very last moment. With late planning, and circumstances changing faster than the speed of light, we didn't know whether we'd spend it here in Calcutta, or if we'd manage to book late tickets so that we could have some family time with Grandparents, cousins etc.

But things worked out so well by God's grace, all the tickets were booked and confirmed without much hassle (how was that possible in the holiday season?!)

Being someone who has only just gathered up the courage to make mile-long walks after months of not leaving the house compound on foot due to fear of exhaustion, I found the prospect exciting. Fun with cousins in the middle of tea and cardamom plantations would test my physical stamina and pump clean fresh-tea-and-cardomom-filled air into my TB fluid filled lungs making it a truly rejuvinating experience. Just what I need.
And it's just what I got! Though we had to wake up early (at 3am) in the morning in Calcutta to reach Chennai in the afternoon, then meet my grandparents and watch a movie there, then go to bed late because we couldn't get home on time 11pm and wake up early (4am) again, to take 7 hour train-journey to Mysore, then take a 4 hour jeep ride to our cousins place, to we were all still fired up for a game of basketball that evening, and enjoy a post dinner caroling session after that. Such was the excitement!

Spending quality time with family is something I haven't been able to do for a long time, let alone with the extended family. So, the five month vacation at home with parents climaxing to a 3 day fun-time with the extended family was just what I needed.
Fun treks around the plantations, last-minute-gift shopping, the gorgeous food (courtesy Chitie) singing Christmas carols, pushing eachother to sing solos, pulling eachother's legs, talking and sharing lives and praying together made it so unforgettable.
We were worried if the trip would weary us out, because of all the travelling with so less time spent together. We had prayed hard that the trip would be rejuvenating and not tiresome, and praise God it was! ... err.. rejuvenating.
Can't wait for the next grand family get-together!

An Ode to my Family

2009-10-31T00:30:00.000+05:30

It's been three months since dad (metaphorically) picked me up from my sick-bed in Shalom and flew me across the gangetic plain to our new home in Calcutta. A lot has changed in three months; we were all new to Calcutta, half-scared, with me being sick and all, everything was so alien then. In three months, we've sorta settled down here, in our new place; mom's hindi is getting better, and David (my brother) has come over to flavor the home with some much needed wit and slapstick.
Three months, and I have lost a lot of weight (there wasn't much to lose in the beginning anyway) I've grown a beard, and I've read a quite a few books. I've changed to the Dvorak keyboard layout, for no reason other than to alleviate boredom, and am slowly getting better at it.
But what I cherish the most of the three months is the support from my family that I've taken for granted. Staying at home all the time, with the inability to do anything productive could make an average person quite irritable. Mom and Dad, silently bearing my sarcasm and blank stares cared for me with love I've always taken for granted. David, with his concern for my health and well-being is also appreciated, though most of the time I push him away.
And of course, there are friends, who call, email, skype and chat to cheer me up. Thank you so much.
Well, it isn't supposed to be a thank you speech, but I really owe all of you a big one.
Obviously, I'm still not completely well, so I still need your support and prayers!

Update 2

2009-09-13T12:15:00.005+05:30

It's a Sunday today, and I spent the entire morning in front of the comp. Not something a good Christian boy like myself should be doing, but we thought it better I stay at home, as predictably I start getting a fever around 10 in the morning.
Sadly, there isn't anything interesting I can post here, because of the current state of house arrest I'm in. (not to mention the daily 4 hour nap to get rid of the fever) Now, I've gotten so used to the high temperatures, I don't even know I have a fever (101F) that mom has to stick a thermometer in my mouth, give loud exclamations forcing me to bed!
The only other pre-occupation that I have (excluding youtube videos and DD Sports) is ruminating about the future! There have been so many good suggestions from many loved ones, but somehow, I feel the need to have an interest in something in order to get into it. From an idealist point of view, why work for your entire life in an area you aren't interested in at all? The catch to this point is, you need to have interest in something if you want to take that stand. What do people like myself do? Well, thats where things stand now... for those interested, thanks for reading!

Update:

2009-08-11T13:41:00.002+05:30

The previous post ranted about people talking about me losing weight when I make sure I do all I could to become bigger. Here's the reason for the mystery.
The day after I wrote that post, I fell to heavy fever, which I figured was a normal viral. Taking it lightly, I went to work the entire week on pain-killers. But the fever didn't go down even after the strong antibiotic dose I had taken completed its course.
I had to forgo a business tour, (I was supposed to leave for Allahabad that weekend) because of the continuing fever, and had decided to stay over at work the following Monday, judging that food and laundry will be taken care of, along with everything else.
It was only after 2 more days of weakness and fever did we do an x-ray and realize it was because of Tuberculosis! (Now that's why I've been losing weight!) Now the X-ray itself is a sight to see. Three fourths of my right lung was missing! Apparently it was all covered in fluid!
An admission to a private hospital and a minor operation involving the Doc plugging a rubber tube through my back and into my lung draining two litres of TB fluid (apparently a hospital record) was something I had to go through before I got to fly home to Calcutta, where I am right now.
I will be here (in Calcutta) for an indefinite amount of time until I'm ready to get back to Delhi.
During this time, I will also be thinking of alternate careers. Anybody with an idea, please please put it in the comments. (not compulsory, but it would be great if you could specify the company/organization or college I might be interested in working or studying in)

Weighty issues

2009-07-20T09:57:00.002+05:30

"Arrey Bhai Kaise ho? Theek toh ho, na? Pehle se bahut Kamzor lagte ho!" (Hey brother, how are you? You're okay, right? You look so much weaker than before!)
It was the second time I heard a statement on that issue today. Which sort of worries me. The last time I went home (which was not that long ago) I had lost around 6 kilos. Obviously due to the heat, stress, loneliness and indiscipline in eating, sleeping and hygiene. But I thought all of that was fixed when I went home for a break, where I had a recharge. Of course I did not put back all of the 6 kilos I had lost, but my weight had begun to increase again, setting my precedent for the new stretch of six months in Delhi.
It hasn't even been a month yet, but I guess I already have started on my downward weight slide.
The crazy thing is, from all the berating I got at home, I have actually made conscious decisions to eat sleep and exercise religiously. Heavy weight-training workouts everyday, good food, lots of fluids, and good sleep doesn't seem to help.
I take supplements, almonds, dates, and anything to help build me up, but my body still threatens to disappear into thin air one of these days.
Well, I've done my best. At least, in spite of all the weight-loss, I can still walk three kilometers in the hot sun without water and not feel tired. (Not that I do that on purpose to find out) I can still work throughout a stressful day only to get tired when it's time to shut down shop.
That's all I need for the moment. If a weak doped look is what I have to carry around, so be it. If God feeds the sparrows, I'm sure He'll find some time for me too!

Change

2009-07-17T16:20:00.002+05:30

Observing the ever-changing weather in Delhi suddenly brought to mind a strange thought. A thought that our children would learn about the seasons and times of the year in history books, (or websites) and not in biology. And that the reason for change in the seasons then, would depend on Account-closing times.

Brings to mind about a change in me own self. There was a time when I walked out of my Std X final exam with such glee thinking that I would never ever in my life need to have anything to do with Hindi again. Most of the torture and failure I endured through half of my school-years was due to that ------ language.
In Std V, I was forced to take Hindi over Tamil, (my own mothertongue) as a second language in school because if my dad got transferred to another state, I'd have to study a new language all over again. Besides, the level of Tamil was much higher than that of Hindi.
Interestingly, my father never got transferred till I finished Std X, after which I didn't need to study a second language.
I hated the language all those five years of school. The amount of mugging up I had done was something amazing, esp for a student who hatted mugging up. We never spoke a word of Hindi to eachother. Most (or rather, all) of it was just to rote-learn paragraphs upon paragraphs about poets, their poems, character sketches and grammar terms. I can bet that 70% of my classmates who did Hindi along with me cannot hold a sensible conversation for 10 seconds.
The boy who left the exam hall all those years ago has changed a lot. I right now live in Delhi, the land of the hindi-speakers, and can speak enough of the language to get myself around. Recently, I reached my first mile-stone in the language. I mediated a discussion-cum-training program for a batch of 15 hindi speakers (who don't know English at all) in HIV/AIDS for three whole hours. I still don't have any fascination for the language, but the hatred I had toward the language has gone, and I actually want to learn more because there are so many conversations I'd love to have with such interesting people around me.
If I knew at Std X, that I would one day work in Delhi among Hindi-speakers, I would have thought the worst of myself. But now, I'm quite happy where I am.
I'm still trying to get my mind around this change in me I once thought could never happen!

Failed to register Sim Card

2009-07-03T16:55:00.002+05:30

Does this error message pop up every now and then on your newly acquired mobile? Here's how you fix it! Take a piece of paper, fold it up and stuff it between your battery and the sim-card holder (if your phone is a nokia 3120 classic or has a similar holder of course) it is not a soft-ware or a firm-ware problem. Just a stupid loose connection which is an accidental legacy nokia has left i think even the e series phones.

I get the feeling this post is going to increase my blog readership!

Floating leaf 3

2009-06-27T01:49:00.004+05:30

I have carefully considered my future for the past few days now, and have discussed it with a few well-meaning people. I have had various ideas and advices (if that's a word) flooding in on how I should make a good career change, or study more, or settle down. (and let's not forget those who ask me to find a girl soon!) Everybody is worried for me and my future. The fact that things ahead are so foggy begins to make me week in the knees.
And then, when I think about the HIV patients I serve, and the fact that their perspective of the future have changed since they knew about the disease they carry, and death, which once appeared so far away to them now seems to take precedence in their lives and plans. Their future is filled with horror, oppression, sickness, loneliness and an early death. But as I watch them stand up to these insurmountable odds with determined smiles on their faces, making sure they'll make a difference, I feel small.
No matter where we are, and how things work out, the future has always been and will always be more muddy, murky and futile than the past. But that should not stop us from struggling to live, love and make a difference in this world. All I need to do is take care of myself and walk in His ways one day at a time. God has taken care of my future plans. The least I could do is not be bothered about it.

Crack for the Soul

2009-06-22T22:18:00.000+05:30

Sorry readers, for the late update. I am on vacation now, and am really enjoying myself. Literally in a state of Euphoria. Two whole weeks with absolutely no responsibilities, (except the occasional work-related emails that require quick co-ordination and organization skills) and just watching TV or playing PS2 with my bro has really defragged my brain.
No philosophical thinking and worrying myself, my parents and everybody else around me to death. Usually in Delhi, with the lack of the modern opium of the masses, namely the TV, I tend to think so much that I amaze myself and frustrate my friends.
All my friends decided that I needed to take a break (with good home made food and a nice rest in an air-conditioned room will help me get my thoughts together). But with the proximity of family that includes a super-duper funloving brother and a television set, even if I try as hard as I can, I cannot think the same thoughts I used to think before. It is so weird! I just wonder if it is a good thing or not.
In a weeks time, I'll be back in Delhi. More like back to reality with all its troubles, and my blog will start to look morose again. Until then, I'll try and blog as much as I can.

A bitter core

2009-05-05T12:55:00.003+05:30

On my way to work, I observed this petite, strikingly attactive figure walking ahead of me at a fairly high speed. She really knew how to dress up, and make heads turn. I was walking a few 30 feet behind her, watching her and the stares from male passerby's. Some men actually stopped what they were doing and escorted her with their eyes from one end of their field of vision till she disappeared into the other.
Looking at her face, with the red Tikka on her forehead signifying that she is married, you'd say that the she must be busy thinking about her POA for another day at work.
If only all these assumptions about her were true.
She was not going to work, as the average guy would have thought. She was going to our clinic to take care of her ailing husband. He is an extremely skinny 6 footer, giving you new insight to the phrase 'skin and bones'. (And that was just an understatement). The first time I saw the couple together, I was so amazed as to how a guy, hideous as he was, could possibly manage to get such a young hottie for a wife.
To make things even more interesting, he doesn't seem grateful at all, instead, he uses her as a punching bag to vent out his frustration. Sick as he is (he cannot walk, as he cannot completely straighten his knees) he still finds the energy to beat her with whatever he can find, and verbally abuse her when she gets out of his reach. One particular night, he actually tried to hit her with a rock he had concealed under his pillow.
Both of them are HIV positive. They also have a strapping 1 year old boy, who needs to be taken care of. Taking care of a child and a childish (and extremely ill) husband could be quite a challenge.
Obviously, she would love to run away from such a nightmare. But how can she? In spite of her looks, she is HIV positive. The stars in a prospective new groom's eyes would dim into disgust the moment he hears about her HIV status. Besides, she knows that her beauty is short lived. She will in a few years fall sick, and may look just as ill and become just as grumpy as her husband, and then who will take care of her? No, not her family, because she ran away from her home to get married to this man, and the only place can get help when she becomes a widow is from her husband's family.
So, she will have to leave her child at home every day to tend and care for this beast of a man, to receive no gratitude, but only more and more hatred.
But every day, she dresses up in her best clothes and accessories, offering visual candy to all the men she passes by, and comes to the clinic to take care for one of the least attractive man she must have seen along the way.
Not because she loves him, but because she doesn't have a choice.
The second glance isn't as pleasing as the first

Painting my room

2009-03-02T22:51:00.001+05:30

My once upon a time mess of a room now looks like a porche condo.
I entered my room today to find all my stuff thrown carelessly outside. The room empty, but for a filthy floor, dirty looking walls and a filthier the ol' YWAMer on a ladder with a paintbrush in hand.
He once discussed on painting our flashy green walls with a homely yellow. I couldn't understand why he would want to do that, the green walls didn't look great, but they were ok. He insisted we need to change the colour. I told him I would help him when I had the time, meaning never. He seemed to get the message, and decided to the entire job alone. In order to get the job done faster, I quickly stripped, picked up a paint-brush and started stroking away, grumbling aloud, criticizing him for his bad timing, and lack of thinking ahead. I was at the grills of our windows, while he took charge of the entire walls.
He had already finished the first coating, and was going for the second.
I was still stuck at the first coating.
Painting the grills, I realized was harder than painting the walls. For one, you can be messy with the paint at the walls. All you have to do is stick to the up-down motion. While painting the grills meant you needed to be really careful with the relatively expensive paint. You also have tough corners and crooks to handle, and there are plenty of spots you can miss. I kept painting the windows while he moved quickly across the room. I realized that even while painting, mediocrity is an easy pit-fall.
I ran out of paint, and he had finished all the walls.
We quickly dropped our paint-buckets and started washing the floors, mopping the windows, doors and electric appliances down so the paint won't stick. We then poured water down our room and cleaned up the place. Rearranged the room, and had a shower. I treated us to a good biriyani dinner, and I felt great when we returned back fresh, in good clothes to a fresh looking room.
Many things don't last long, but give lots of joy while they do.

Bus ride

2009-02-26T22:05:00.000+05:30

Well, I haven't posted in a while, so this post is more of a 'for the heck of it' post than anything else. That doesn't mean it removes everything interesting about it.
Today's journey to work was quite exciting. I usually take the RTV, which basically looks like a tin-box on wheels. My colleagues joke about it calling it a pull-back gaadi (because of it's strong resemblance to that spring driven toy that shoots forward when you pull it back). Needless to say, it is quite a congested ride. The vehicle is perpetually full of people, and the conductors main job is to make people stand in a particular way so that the maximum number of people can sit/stand in the bus. You should also consider the fact that the roof is about 5 1/2' feet high. Tall people have to bend over double. The conductor once noticed my neck scarred slightly. I was also wondering how I got flesh-wounds on my neck until I realized that this particular RTV had it's roof peeling off, and the sharp edges gave me my scars! After that experience (and other equally insane ones) all conductors on my route try and find me a place to sit asap!
All the buses that run on this particular route (namely bus number F839A) belong to one owner. So the drivers and conductors of these routes plan their trips so that there is an exact 5 minute gap between one bus and the next at peak hours. A passenger is not supposed to see two F839A at the same time. At this unfortunate instance, the air is filled with the words of purest hatred, courtesy the drivers and conductors (let's call them 'crew') of both buses. If a bus overtakes another on the same route (and this happens at times), the second bus stops the other bus, and baseball bats come out of both drivers seats! Though all drivers and conductors know eachother well and I haven't seen anybody use their weapons till date, there is generally a grand display of anger and violence.

Today, one bus apparently left the stand behind schedule, giving the second bus a chance to overtake and take more passengers than usual. The second bus did overtake, and picked up all the passengers (which included me), leaving the first one running its route absolutely empty. This spelt all kinds of bad things to that crew because the owner will not be pleased with that bus. May be they'll get a salary cut.
Obviously, the crew of that bus knew that. In frantic hurry, they overtook our bus, fishtailed it, got out and hurled abuses at our crew asking them if they had no shame, not giving their fellow-bus driver a second chance. The conductor was abusing, shouting, and flailing his fists at our bus with fear and anger in his teary eyes, while the driver (with a similar countenance) was flailing his baseball bat at our bus. He reminded me of Type A personalities we learnt in school. Our crew initially laughed, and hurled back equally loving words, and later on took a detour so that this bus could collect a few passengers.

(I hope all this made sense)

Of Destiny and Common Sense

2009-01-07T10:30:00.001+05:30

When I got to the clinic today, I found out that two people had died in the ward last night. Gopi (name changed) died of anemia (of all things) because of the strong HIV drugs he was taking. The doctors had stopped that medication and were hoping to get a blood-transfusion from the government hospital soon. (We can't do blood-transfusion at our clinic). Because of all that red-tape, the blood-transfusion couldn't be done on time, and Gopi died.
Rahul (name changed) died a little while later. He was a really sad case. He had tried all sorts of tests to find out what was wrong with him, but nothing seemed to be medically wrong with him. Still, for some reason, he's had continuos fever for a whole year! Finally, AIIMS decided to give him a bone-marrow test (apparently the only test he hadn't taken all this time) a few days ago. Amidst all that hope of finding out what he could actually be suffering from, he died, awaiting the results of that test.
Sundar (name changed), the only staff here who's younger than me, is still in shock. (he's doing his BCom by correspondence and has to study when he goes home) Just a few days ago, his father died because of cancer. He came to office today (after a 2 day break) with a shaved head. He had to take care of the entire funeral himself, and at the same time be a shoulder for everybody in his family (including two sisters and a brother) to cry on. Whose shoulder will he cry on? The only person who used to listen to his problems was his dad, and now...
Listening to those who want me to 'stop doing that stupid HIV work and get a "better job"' because I can do so much better for myself, I feel nauseous.
There are people dying here. Orphans and widows wondering where they're going to get their next meal. Scared that their relatives would disown them and kick them out of their own homes. In places like these, a person does not just leave an emotional hole in his/her family when he/she dies. They also leave their families without money, or worse, with debt. Do I really deserve more than them? When God has given me the grace to be born in a great family with almost everything a young man like myself could want, how can I turn my back on someone who God has decided to not show so much favor on?

The bullies who tell me I can, and should do better for myself (because "What will you do when you have a family?" "You'll be fine now, you're still young, but what will happen when you grow old?") confuse me and make me wonder if I should. Yes, this job is good, but is this the stream I want to continue in? Do I want to become a Director of a HIV/AIDS project? I don't know, but all I know is, right now I would rather be doing this than anything else. What I will become tomorrow or ten years from now is tomorrow's or ten-years-from-now's (or rather God's) problem. When I see others with an even more dense cloud of uncertainity around themselves, the fog around me immediately ceases to scare me.

Body-weight Challenge!

2008-12-15T10:12:00.000+05:30

I feel young again! I know most of my readers are older than me and would think I've gone nuts, but it's been a long time since I did something really athletic. Fooling around in the badminton courts and

tennis courts never managed to take the breath of me (though the occasional morning runs did). After coming to Dwarka, I never bothered anything to do with exercise until I saw some circuit training vid on youtube. This nice chap suggested a half an hour body-weight challenge which consisted of...

pullups x 5

jumps x 10

pushups x 15

walking lunges x 10 perside

chin-ups x 5

mountainclimber x 10perside

rows x 10

oneleg deadlift x 10 perside

bike-crunches x25

stepups x 15 perside

Elevated pushups x15

The challenge is to repeat the entire set of exercises as many times as possible in under half an hour.

I decided I should give it a try for old time's sake, so I walked home from work (a three kilometer walk) and gave it a try. I really feel charged up and my mind is so much more clearer(Though I stink a bit more now.) It's been a long time since I have had this whole body workout, and I feel like I can run the 100 mts in under 13 seconds once again!For the record, I performed decently at 2 full repetitions in under half an hour.

Now, for the real work out... Handwashing 6 shirts one pair of pants, one woolen sweater 4 pairs of shorts in cold water! Let's hope I will have the strength to crawl back into bed after that!!!

Things You'll need to start a kitchen

2008-12-09T12:47:00.000+05:30

Basic items:

(Warning: Use these methods only if you're cooking for yourself, and hate cooking... Not for wannabe and gonnabe chefs, housewives, (and husbands).

Utensils (essentials): 1. Detergent soap and scrubber for washing the pots up later. (2) One medium sized copper-bottom pot (3) One aluminium cooking pot (4) One non-stick shallow-fry pan (5) 3 spatulas (One of them wooden, for the non-stick) (6) Spoons (and a plate) (7) One electric rice-cooker (8) One sharp knife (9) One Gas burner

Condiments (essentials) (1) Salt, Pepper, Garam-Masala, Chilly-Powder

Be warned: If you don’t have (and can’t get) these basic essentials, you’d rather eat out every night.

Utensils (optional)

A sandwich maker (electric) (Really helps)

Condiments (optional)

Dal mixture (Basically lots of kinds of lentils crushed together in a 'chakki'. You could make it yourself or hunt for it at Dilli Haat. It adds taste to anything!

Bachelor Cooking

2008-11-25T13:34:00.001+05:30

When you're a young Indian male living alone like I do, what would you do for food? Well, let's rub out that "eating out" option because, err.. you live in the corner of Delhi (a place where you’d rather be born with wheels instead of legs) and don't have a motorbike.

Well? what WOULD you do for food?

Let's take a few considerations at first. We all come tired and exhausted from work, and cooking is the last thing we want to do. All we want is do something for our stomach before switching to horizontal mode.

Of course, maggie is the first option. I don't want to spend time on it, as there are many other blogs and websites dealing with the same topic. I of course have an approx of 25 maggie recipies that I would give only on request, some involving rare peppers from the mountains of Nagaland.

Maggie cannot be consumed everyday, simply because you'll start looking like a junkie sooner than later.

The food should be designed to be extremely easy to cook (cooking time less than 15min (30 min if you haven't cut an onion in your life before) least amount of dishes to wash, and is nutritious all the same. It won't taste horrible, as long as you put in enough salt in it, but you'd rather not compare it with your mom's beef biriyani.

The next post in this section would deal with effective veggie chopping styles and the basic things you'd need for this kind of cooking.

A comedy of errors Part 2 - A bar-room Brawl

2008-11-13T14:39:00.001+05:30

Still breathless from the events that took place in the last four hours, I type here, one of the most extraordinary evenings I have ever had! Just yesterday, the SYD and ze german were commenting on the crazy, (sometimes spooky) experiences I’ve been through. The following event is so long that I’ve decided to put it in two consecutive posts. Don’t read this post before reading the previous post.

Even now, as I type, my hands tremble with excitement and my heart jumps at every new sound I hear. My senses are on full tilt, and my heart is thanking God for his mercies as I type.

The shop-owner called me half an hour later, telling me that the rickshaw guy had reached his place, and is going back to the village to find me. Half an hour later, the rickshaw guy calls me and after a few phone calls and some more running around, he’s at the gate of my house. He tells me it’s all my fault that we lost him. I don’t leave him alone. I fight with him and tell him that if he had only taken his cell-phone, all this would not have happened. We carry the bed through the stairs, and keep it in my house. I ask if he wants to eat, and he does. However, he pours himself a (rather large) peg and I decide to treat him to dinner. (The guy was literally sweating!)

We stop at our South Indian restaurant, where I decide to treat him to a Dosa. He has one plate dosa and one plate idli. He was getting a little tipsy (and I wondered how he could get so high so soon) I ask him, and he told me he knew I didn’t like him drinking, so he took two on the sly! (What did I get myself into here! I don’t want a typical wife-basher tonight!) So, I try and fill up his stomach with my dosa also and some more food. Suddenly, in the table behind us, there is this huge guy who’s evidently drunk and starts shouting at the waiter. I look back to see the tamasha. After sometime, things settle down and we settle to our food. My friend is busy eating, and I’m watching him eat. All of a sudden, there’s this huge slap on my back, almost making me choke my food. It is our famous drunk coming a calling. I give him the ‘what’s the matter?’ look. He asks me why I looked back. I muttered a sorry under my breath, glaring at my own half-drunk friend, willing him not to get up and start something. He glares back and forth, and is about to give my friend a slap in the face, when I put my hand up willing him to stop. Surprisingly, he doesn’t hit my friend and asks me to put my hand down. I give him the ‘I’ll-put-my-hand-down-if-you-promise-to-go-back-to-your-seat’ look for a two seconds, and I put my hand down. He goes back to his seat, and there’s no noise from him against the waiter or anybody in the room afterwards. (He of course didn’t stop swearing at people who didn’t pick up the phone when he called them! Later, he and his friend walk out of the hotel (paying the waiter, thankfully). He and his friend were carrying a party flag. That’s when I realized I could have gotten creamed before I reached home! Praise God!

My own drunk friend (after scolding the waiter for not doing anything) does get full finally and I pay Rs 60 for our meals. (Quite a bargain, actually) I pay him his due (Rs 250) while he tells me he wants 300! (Rs300! After all this?! What an ungrateful wretch!) But I go back to the ATM and give him his money with a smile. He then asks me if I felt bad if he asked for Rs 50 more. I smiled even more and told him I gave it willingly. (That was the most fake smile I’ve ever faked) but I told him I was very upset that he drank so much in my presence, and it would do him a lot of good if he stopped. He gave a half-drunk smile and told me he’d call. I said ok. (What am I getting myself into?!) and literally took to my heels and ran home as quickly as possible. I’ve never felt so much (I wouldn’t call it fear, but a heightening of all the senses, and your hair your neck stiffen.)

Now I’m here, having the greatest emotional workout of my life!

Though I know all my loved ones who read this will feel scared for me, but I want to tell you, don’t . If God wanted me to be beaten up, I would have been. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have let me buy that bed in the first place! For some strange reason, I feel that Rs2100 I spent the evening was put to good use. (Or may be it’s just denial???)

A comedy of errors Part 1 - Impulsiveness

2008-11-13T14:38:00.001+05:30

I’ve never been so impulsive as I have been today. On my way home from work, I decide I need a clothes-stand to dry my clothes, as they refuse to dry inside the room. So I wash some of my clothes and hang them out to dry (inside the room) and move out around 6.30 (after putting my rice to boil) towards Sector 3, Dwarka to buy a clothesline for myself. I decided earlier that I wouldn’t spend more than Rs 500 for a clothes-stand. I go from shop to shop, deciding suddenly that I also needed a bed. Suddenly, I go into this ‘Second hand shop’, where I see beds. The shop-owner tells me that a certain diwan (which looks very nice, btw) costed Rs 3200. I was so blown away by the price that I told him that I just could not afford it. He asked me what my budget was. I told him from Rs 1000 to 1500. (As I had inquired in other shops, a brand new bed without the storage compartment underneath cost Rs 1200). He finally sold the second hand one for Rs 1750! I bought a bed for Rs 1750 without thinking or praying about it. (Of course, I had Rs 2000 still saved after my Winter shopping, and I decided to put those funds to good use!)

As I was reeling from the shock of buying the second most expensive item I have ever owned (next to my laptop) without thinking too much about it, I was bargaining with the cycle-rickshaw guy to take it to my place. We settled for Rs 250 (which was perfect, because it’s an exact Rs 2000)

I sat at the back of a bicycle, while a cycle-rickshaw guy pulled his rickshaw behind us. Before we knew it, we had lost the cycle-rickshaw, who had taken another route! Grr… We pedal back to the shop and ask the shop-keeper who tells us that they left, and scolds my friend (I later find out that his name is Ram* (*well it isn’t, name changed) ) and sends us back again. We go back and forth back and forth, left and right, until he gets tired pedaling. Then I start pedaling taking him doubles, and again looking for him back and forth, back and forth until we call up the shop, who says he hadn’t come back. We again do the above mentioned procedure before finally we call the office and asks for this rickshaw-walla’s number. The rickshaw walla doesn’t pick up his phone.

All this time, I’m wondering if this is a trick played by everybody on me. The shop-owner constantly telling me not to worry, the rickshaw-walla disappearing, while Ram constantly gets angry with the rickshaw-walla. He narrated some story about the rickshaw-walla getting some salary or something with a lot of tears in his eyes. If only I could understood what he said!

He had worked in Bombay, then came to Delhi in hope of a good job but couldn’t make it, and is now hopping from on job to the next. Finally, he gets frustrated, calls up the shop-keeper and goes back to him, leaving me alone with just a bill. I go back home, still wondering if I was being duped or not. I later feel that may be God wanted me to be a witness to this boy Ram, because I was extra-nice to him. Well, with these thoughts in my mind, I walk back to my room all tired and weary, ready for a simple meal and sleep. I come back and see my clothes hanging (still wet) and remember how I went out to by something I needed more than what I actually did! I try to take my mind off these disturbing thoughts with a movie. The movie is funny, and I am thoroughly entertained.

To be contd…

Advance Christmas fever

2008-11-07T13:00:00.000+05:30

Standing in the background, watching all my friends at JNUCF work their lids off, grumble about all those who don't, and get back to work all over again, I get nostalgic. This time, last year, I was growing bald trying to pull out my hair juggling choir practice, term-papers, brochure writing and ‘silly-game invention’ at the same time. It is that time of the year we all wait for…

Advance Christmas! One of the biggest festivals JNUCF can organize, (given our limited time and our present organization skills). Working for this brings out the best and the worst in us, draining us completely by the time the show's over.

Murphy (the "the bread always falls the butter-side down" guy) said (at least I think he did) that passion over work will definitely lead to over-working, leading to physical and mental illness.

Thankfully, Murphy's laws don't work in JNUCF, the reason being, (of what I've noticed) everybody's readiness to laugh. The most stale jokes, the most juvenile pranks and the silliest sarcasm always gets a good guffaw. That's why when you stare up at the ceiling at night, (coughing away because you've been out in the cold too late) running through all the events of that tiresome day filled with running from one place to another, there's not a trace of bitterness felt.

Murphy's laws don't work because when you're lying down after all this with fever, you know that your friends are covering up for you (as much as they can), and the patchy presentation we put up in the end becomes so memorable only because of all the love that's been poured out.

Murphy's laws don't work because in the end, you're not working hard for yourself, but for somebody else. We definitely see symptoms bordering onto physical and (mostly) mental illness, but the reason is not because you’re hurting, but because you’re just tired after a long day of sometimes thankless work.

This is a tribute to all my friends who must be chopping wood for the Christmas Informals night right now. As an ‘alumini’, listening to you guys cribbing about work, not quitting my job to take the fastest auto-rickshaw to campus and cut wood along with you requires great self-control. It’s not because my present job is more hectic than yours but because the best part of Advance Christmas is not the event in itself, but all that time preparing, setting up before, and the dismantling, the photo-sessions and the photo-shop experiments afterwards! God bless you all!!

Of manners...

2008-11-05T16:24:00.001+05:30

While I was at college, and especially at university, manners were something everybody looked down upon. When a friend did you a really huge favor, thanking him only meant you’re not his friend yet. When in college, it is a friend’s bounden duty to do whatever you want him/her to do. (Of course, it works both ways, you also will have to go out of your way to help them) Thanking a friend, or making sure you split the bill when you have tea is an insult to friendship. And that’s only when we’re students.
But when you start working, you have to pay special attention to what you take and give. “It’s only natural” to make sure you pay-back in some way or the other the treat that particular friend took you out on. I hardly ever used to do that in university and now I begin to wonder how many people I have offended that way. I guess this ‘mannerlessness’ among friends is one of the things I like about the North Indians, who take favors done by friends for granted.

I find it distracting, but everybody else does it! Talk about a cultural shift! Well, this is what moving on means… You do not complain about how shallow friendships have become, but learn to accept the fact that no one trusts nobody else in this big bad world, and every small thing that involves money should be treated as business, no matter how they act about it.

This post, I feel is one of the most haphazard ones I have ever written, but this is just what my mind feels like at this moment of confusion.

I, Stammer

2008-10-23T13:08:00.001+05:30

After an extremely long orientation period, I finally begin to work on my job, and it isn't as easy as I thought it was. There was a time I used to pride myself for the choice words and ingenious metaphors I used whenever I spoke.

Part of my job is to get contacts. Networking. This requires me to pick up the phone and call up influential people and tell them about myself and ask them if they are interested.

Today, I made my first call.

Watching Will Smith talking on the phone to various customers in "Pursuit of Happyness" makes tele-comm look easy. But today, after 15 minutes of preparation, All I was able to do was stammer and slip through a sorry explanation of Shalom and what I do.
Thankfully, the person on the other end was patient and listened (I felt an incredulous smile) and asked direct simple questions that would make me feel better.
After I finished with the call, my heart-rate at twice the speed, I thought to myself. I'd get better...

I'd better...

721

2008-10-08T17:49:00.001+05:30

he mini-van I used to take to work burst a tire on the way, delaying me five minutes. The only option was to get into another bus, to make it at reasonable time. The only bus available was the 721. Reputed for the most irate conductors and the densest crowds.The bus was packed beyond compare. The Mumbai locals at rush hour are DEFINITELY more comfortable than the 721 (emphasizing my opinion in the previous post.) It was this young short, loud-mouthed bus-conductor who tried to push people into the smallest crevices that made all the difference. I guess the more people you can squeeze into the bus, the more you're are respected as a bus-conductor in these parts.I climbed in from the rear entrance amid the usual clamour. Once in, I decided to stay near the rear-door because my stop wasn't too far. The conductor issued the ticket. He was standing on his 'conductor seat'! (guess, he was a little short) and yelling at everybody to move into the already crowded bus. He began pushing and shouting at me in unrecognizable Hindi - I figured he was asking me to get into the mass of flesh in front. I just stood there, and quitely told him that I would be getting down at a few stops. He again said something in loud Hindi that I couldn't understand. He began pushing another person who refused to move. The conductor's unrecognizable hindi was buffetted with another tirade of unrecognizable Hindi - this time on the part of the indignant passenger. The passenger later berated the conductor about the pushing. The conductor quickly justified himself.
"I am the conductor. I have every right to push you. If I don't push you, who else in the bus will?"
I need to check the "right to push" part with the Judicial system. Anyone have the time to file an RTI to check if the conductor does have a right to push?
After that conversation, the conductor cooled down and began to collect tickets normally. Suddenly he looks at me and says.
"Remember, I won't let you get down this entrance. You'd better start making your way to the front, or you'll never get down at your stop"
(And I thought ragging got over after college!)
I tried politely making him understand. But he didn't seem to be in the mood for explanations. I'm not the sort that makes a lot of noise and puts up a fight, so, I put my tail between my legs began my journey to the front of the bus.
With a barrage of excuse-me's and sorry's I pushed, jerked and shoved past indignant old people, understanding and co-operative young men and disgusted young women. There is no place to put your feet down. Even the hand-rail is full of people's hands that it is a rare opportunity to actually touch that rail! I was so surprised I reached the front just in time for my stop. The conductor in front gave me a glare and asked said."What are you doing here?"
I really felt like giving him a good dose of my sarcasm, (the question was sooo tempting) but he had quite big arms, and I was already late for work. I smiled and told him that I was there so I could get down. Disarmed, he stepped aside and let me down. I breathed fresh air and instantly knew it would make a hell of a post!If I ever meet that conductor again, I would definitely want to thank him for letting me tour his bus for free even in the peak season!

Bombay vs Delhi

2008-10-04T11:01:00.003+05:30

Another Delayed Post (Was supposed to post this in Bombay, but I am not famous for being organized)
As a guy living in Dwarka, travelling in a mini-van to work, shoulders touching the low roof, my neck, back, knees and every other part of my body bent double, and eyes in a perpetual frown, concentrating on not bumping against that low tin roof everytime we hit a bump, I thought I had seen it all. (If you thought that was a long sentence, brace yourself.) The noise of some constant fight in the vehicle, the sweaty shoulder against your chest, the stench of his hair in your nostrils, tells me that this is the most uncomfortable way to travel.
Bombay gave me a new perspective. Watching hoards of people with different goals walking in the same direction at top speed, managing not to bump into anybody though even lifting an arm to scratch your head would mean elbowing the guy next to you. There is an extremely loud silence amidst all this rush (only experience can tell you what that means) at the VT train station. The crowd is bigger than a Delhi one, and could be very uncomfortable if it was a Delhi crowd, where there would have to be someone shouting at the other for some obscure reason.
People in Bombay walk twice as fast and talk at around the same pace. While you are focussing your mind on trying to keep up with what people are saying and what they mean and how you can keep up, someone's hand has already been in your pocket and has left it empty.

A true Mumbaikar can do anything from setting up a shop on the roadside to making friends to bargain with the guys at fashion street without any emotion. He sets a goal for himself and will not let emotion get in the way. Even if he is accidentally pushed by someone in a crowd that he falls on his nose, he would get up, wipe his shirt, maybe hurl a few abuses and move on.
A true Delhiite however, lives on emotion. One cannot drive a car, or get into a crowded bus or haggle with the auto-guy without a display of emotion. (preferably aggression). The emotion itself is a fierce sort. Love is expressed by fighting against the friend's enemies; Jokes are cracked with an angry faces.
While Bombay has evolved into a cut-throat cosmopitan, Delhi is still a giant village, in many ways. There is no sense of anonymity. Sure, some mumbaikars stare (sometimes I think they're actually Delhiites on vacation) but not as much as the Delhiites. My female readers (who've visited Delhi) will agree with me. Forget the usual sexually-frustrated male lechers, numerous as they are. Even a 7th Standard Delhi girl in the bus would stare at you constantly for five minutes (or more) sweeping you from head to toe with her eyes, making you wonder if you have worn your shirt inside out.
In conclusion...
I don't want to draw any conclusion on which is a better city. Each city has its flaws and its strong points. I prefer Mumbai to Delhi (guess it's because I've been there first) but I would love to hear someone with differing opinions.

Plebian Travel

2008-09-20T17:33:00.002+05:30

W A R N I N G ! ! !
Mothers and grandmothers (especially mine...) read at the risk of increased BP. Certain paragraphs contain explicitly scary scenes. You have been warned!

Though I am entitled to travel by A/C Chair Car, I decided to see how it feels like traveling in the cheapest unreserved compartment of the train. I have seen these compartments every time I took the train from outside, and was quite horrified seeing people stuffed in like cattle. I have been traveling in buses stuffed the same way everyday, so I was brave enough to go through this crazy experiment.
I took the unreserved ticket from Kazipet Junction to Secundrabad. A two hour (scheduled) journey (Rs 51. The A/C tickets cost Rs 204/-)
-- Oh I took an unreserved ticket at Secundrabad Station to get here, but very smartly, I sat on the reserved compartment, wondering all along why it was so comfortable. Thank goodness the TT did not come to check. He might have yelled at me in Telugu and all I would have said was "Enneru" (I just caught that from a conversation, I don't know what it means) and he might have , in all probablity, used his boot to eject me off the train moving at 235 kmph. Before I get accusing fingers pointing at me (saying, besharam! ticketless traveller!) I'd like to inform you that I didn't know (really! really!) that the Chair car was for reserved passengers only!

Back to the story...
The train was 40 minutes late, and I had to sit on my suitcase on the platform, watching trains go past, wondering if I could open my briefcase, spread out my towel on the platform, put some change on it, and juggle my deo-spray can, cellphone and toothpaste tube! The policeman on the platform across gave me such a stare I had a feeling he read my mind. Business on the platform without a license is strictly prohibited.
The train arrived at long last, and I hopped in, pushing and shoving everybody else, but I wasn't fast enough. I only managed to find a place for my suitcase, but all seats were packed. I resigned myself to standing in the aisle.
It was a 3 hour journey, and standing for the entire journey was out of the question. I remembered dad telling me something about spreading a newspaper at the door of the bogie and sitting there, feet out. I guess there was no jeans during dad's time, so I promptly sat at the door alongside another guy.
The breeze and the thrill was nice, and I would rather sit here than share a wooden seat with somebody else. I took out my cell-phone and timed the passing of electricity poles, calculating th speed of the train. I got 360 kmph, but I gave up realizing that Indian trains don't travel that fast!
Ah well...
With the sun in my face and silence for company, I started nodding away to sleep, confident that the person next to me (whom I didn't even know)wold wake me up if I start leaning too much. I was suddenly woken up from my shut-eye when a water packet landed on my arm! Yeah, "disgusting" we say, as we try and wipe ourselves dry. Guys, improper waste disposal is not the only reason you throw your garbage out the window!
I got comfortable and shut my eyes for five minutes. I opened them to a shock! I could just see my legs! The background, usually fast moving grass or stones or whatever, was replaced by swirling water 100 meters away! I felt like I was sitting at the edge of a skyscraper wall! Any slip meant certain death! That bridge put things into perspective! The illusion of safety!! Falling out of a fast moving train, though not so scary, is equally hazardous!

My feet were resting on the stairs near the door of the train, and at the approach of every platform, I used to wonder if my feet would get cut off. I always pt my feet up then. The person next to me assured me that all the station platforms from Kazipet to Secundrabad were not high enough to cause any harm. Yet, zooming past these platforms always made my feet involuntary lift and my heart involuntarily climb from its place to my mouth!

The journey was uneventful, except for a cat-fight between two lady fruit-sellers. There was not much violence, and so the crowd watched the drama with grins on their faces! Interesting, no?
I ws exhausted at the end of the three hours and walked into the nearest restaurant for a Rs 30 lunch! (to keep the plebian style going). After that, I jumped into an auto (Rs 50) for the ride home!

Hypocrite?!
I plead guilty!

Young Yoke Bearers

2008-09-18T17:32:00.002+05:30

This post has been written in rural Andhra Pradesh yesterday, where the word 'internet' is almost unheard of. I was there on duty, to study how other organizations combat HIV/AIDS. The catholic run facility here is one of the best in AP and is run with typical catholic efficiency.
I arrived here nine hours ago. After a 2 hour journey by train, I was escorted from Khazipet station, by a young father who did not speak much. Insecure as I sometimes am, I started getting stressed out, especially after I entered the lovely furnished guest-room (all for me!) and looked at the mirror. I suddenly was able to see myself through his eyes. Suddenly, I began to wonder... Am I too young for this?
The entire day went off talking to everybody in the organization, and getting all the information I needed. (Well, I can't tell that I was entirely satisfied, because, this wasn't exactly the organization I was looking for). After all the interviewing and cajoling information, (most were willing to share, as long as it didn't look professional) out of everybody (except the director, who was extremely diplomatic), I sank into one of the chairs outside their dispensary, wondering if there was more to be done. At this point, a young man came and sat beside me and ventured a "What is your name?"
Thus began a one hour conversation with someone as old as myself, and at present, carries the weight of his world on his shoulders. At 24, MA Pol Science (I'm MA sociology! something in common!) he has a mother who is infected with our friend, the HIV. His father, brothers, grandma... nobody in his family know that his mother is infected with HIV. Her CD4 count is 15 (it should be above 900) and the doctor a few minutes earlier had non-verbally pronounced her death-sentence. The young man is the oldest among four, and he has to take care of them all. When all the villagers ask about his mother's condition, he gives them excuse after excuse. To top it all, he is married, (like everybody else his age in the village) and his wife is 9 months pregnant. She has gone to her mother's house to deliver. I constantly asked him why he did not tell anybody about his mother's real sickness. Sharing the burden would make life easy for everybody! Every time I asked him that question, he either changed the subject or pretended not to understand. I already knew the answer to the question. I just wanted to hear it from him.

I did feel a bit shaken after talking to him, but it was not like it was the first time I have spoken to someone with a life 10,000 times harder than mine. This is a case where I feel I can't do much, but pray and be a friend. I wonder how he felt about me. Here's my imagination of his thoughts.

"Some tall young man from Delhi, who can't speak a word of Telugu is here to watch how people treat People living with HIV/AIDS. Two years younger than me, not as qualified as I am, no idea about life, about love; doesn't know how to talk (Doesn't know when to stop asking questions). How come he is the guy with no problems, traveling the country, earning 10G a month, while I have to juggle my business, my mother, my estranged father, my pregnant wife and my unemployed brothers while I try to get the entire village to stop asking nosy questions? I am also a Christian, same as him, may be even more mature than him. But why me?"

Suddenly all those thoughts about me being too young seemed to disappear.
And in it's place, came a question...
Two men were on a race for a prize. Both had trained equally hard. But one was made to start 10m behind the other. He still caught up with the first. While the first athlete had no obstacles in his track, the second had all sorts of stumbling blocks before him. Is this a fair race? What should the first athlete do to make it fair?

AP makes you 'Appy!

2008-09-16T18:19:00.003+05:30

First of all, an apology for such a late post... Second of all, another apology, because there'll be more posts after this, dated before this! Third of all, I am in a cyber-cafe, typing out this post at top speed, from my dirty looking journal. So, there'll be a lot of spelling mistakes. More apologies for te same. Ok, To the topic...

Here I am, safely on Secundrabad (AP - err.. Andhra Pradesh, Get the pun?) grounds. I am being pampered by the lovely hospitality of the Smart Young Doctor's (SYD) mother. 36 hours ago, rushing against time on the Delhi Metro, my mind playing an important role, mentally pushing the train past its top-speed to catch the AP Samprant Kranti Express. During that time, I was doing a bit of what you might call "faith-stretching". Two weeks of thought and planning and a month long correspondence has been spent on this trip and I wasn't ready to throw it all by just 'missing the train'. But still, I tried extremely hard to slow my mind down and stop making me jump up and tear my hair.
It was kinda harde telling myself "it's okay if you didn't catc the train, you tried your best"! But that brought me to think... If God wants me to go, I will go, if not, He won't (darnit) By the time I had completely surrendered my will to Him, I was kinda sure I would reach the station on time!
The train journey was as uneventful as an average day in solitary confinement.
SYD's mother picked me up from the station and has been hospitable ever since. She told me that taking care of God's workers was her 'ministry'. It then struck me that as I myself was a 'full-time-ministry-guy!' I stayed in the room the entire dayreading. Did no work at all.
At 4.00, I went out for a walk and on the way back, I realized I was making myself the laughing stock of the city. For some reason, I couldn't hide a broad 32 teethed grin on my face. I was cracking jokes, reminding myself of funny youtube videos and jnucf jokes and was literally bursting into splits all by myself walking down the road, oblivious to everyone else! Whenever I noticed someone's bewildered face, I would try in vain to hide my silly giggles. But I was so happy because it was a long time since I laughed so hard.
I decided that the reason behind the laughter was may be the extra helium in hyderabad, or something, but later I realized, that it was joy over-flowing from inside (after a long time) because of the love I had recieved from such a hospitable family. May God bless er and may she be a blessing to more like me.

Old man at 22

2008-08-25T15:51:00.003+05:30

In my previous posts, my boasting about my brief stint at sports must have bugged some of you. But there was a time when I was pretty good at volleyball and badminton, but like they (the oldies) say, "Those were the good old days!" But having retired from all forms of sporting activity, and refraining from all activity that would keep my fitness in check ever since, I have become the average white-collared oldie.
Looking at my slim (or rather thin) figure in the mirror, I thought I still could run a mile without breaking a sweat. Those dreams were shattered today, when I had to run after the bus because it didn't stop at my bus-stop (ah these besharam Delhi drivers). I ran and I ran as fast as I could (realizing that this was the pace I used JOG before) I had half a mind to slow down, forget about the bus and catch my breath.
Thankfully I feared that bitter feeling you have when you give up and was also worried I might be extremely late for work. So I pushed on... and on... I finally jumped on to the bus and I had to pant and pant (like the kungfu panda after he climbs up the stairs) for an entire minute until I realized I was standing in spite of two seats being vacant! I later calculated I would have ran about 75 to a 100 meters. I used to cover this distance in less than 15 seconds err... 2 years ago, but now it would take thrice the time.
My kind mother would apprehend me saying I am not eating enough (she has a point there though). My ex-coach (who once had dreams of me playing volleyball for the country) would come to my room every morning, stand on my back and make me do 50 pushups and run 2 kilometers everyday if he sees me in this condition.
Ah, but what can I do? Time changes, and I am now lazier than I ever was before. Plus, having to cook my food and eat it, doesn't seem to help. The irritating Delhi heat isn't helping either. But this is no excuse. I vow to maintain a log of my exercise schedule starting tomorrow.
.... or next week

Blogger's gimmick - Interior Decorating

2008-08-22T16:18:00.005+05:30

Now that I have got a sudden interest in blogging, (Free gifts for guessing why) I've decided I'll play the typical gimmick most bored bloggers play in order to get more comments or more "public response".
OK. Here's my problem. I am at present a bachelor living on the first floor in a one room - kitchen apartment. The bathroom isn't attached. The living room should be around 15ft x 15ft x 12ft. Sorry the image doesn't come out as clearly as I want it to. Ok. The arcs are doors, the thick lines, the windows, the biggest room is my living space (obviously) the second biggest is the bathroom, with the green patch the bathing area and 5 the potty. In the big room, #4 is the mattress where I sleep in, the small eclipse is the chairs, the red circles represent my water kettle, rice cooker and iron (all on the floor). The green line acroos the room is my clothesline. (Disgusting, yeah) . #1 is the trunk where all my clothes are, #2 is a plastic shelf, #3 is a pile of books and newspapers and the unnumbered rectangles are boxes with winter-clothes and stuff. In the kitchen, (the smallest room), the yellow represent the shelves and the red is the sink.

My budget is Rs 5000. Suggest anything (I prefer the minimalist look though) that might make my room better, and you'll get a cookie!!!

The Glory of the Olympic Medal

2008-08-21T13:58:00.001+05:30

India is all focussed to become an economic super-power where parents send their young ones to schools and colleges, hoping that they become great engineers and doctors one day. Mothers boast to each other how much marks their children scored in their exams. Our country, according to me, will soon end up with the smartest minds. Where your priorities are, there your success will be also.
It always looks great from the macro-perspective. Sadly, if you'd focus in a little closer, the view is very different. The sme mothers complain that their players aren't doing a good enough job at the Olympic games. The kind of explanations they come up with is wild! "We are just not as fit as the Chinese or the Blacks. They are made out of rubber and stone respectively!" "Our country is too corrupt to send in the best" (which I would agree to) "The government hardly does anything" "We are not good at sports"
Well, actually, duh, we are good at sports! I'm sure there are one or two Indians somewhere who can swim faster then Phelps! (Ok, a bold statement, but it's possible, you know considering all the strong fishermen on India's huge coastline. The governemnt also does as much as it can to make sports popular. The only reason why the best sportsmen give up the game is because there's no money in it. There's a limit to the love of the game. Me for instance, though only 22, have retired from competitive volleyball. I have become too old to feel the thrill of winning. (There was a time when I would train 6 hours a day!) It's only when you realize that even if you play for the country one day there's no chance of earning a decent livelyhood, do you give up the love for the game.
Also, many parents discourage sports. A friend of mine (sportsperson) joked saying that maybe in China one mother might ask the other how many sports her son played!!! Well, Chinese readers, please respond! Interestingly, as loudly as India might cheer for other sportspeople who risk their livelyhood on a pitch, ring or court, they would never dare to sacrifice their children on that same altar!
Our country, whether we like it or not, is a spectatorial country when it comes to sports. Though we might cheer for all those who make it to the newspapers, we will be ready to condemn anyone who tries to get there. Those who have won medals this year, enjoy the praises of those who did not approve their efforts when they were trying. It only makes the the olympic gold gleam brighter. I think, in spite of the fact that no matter what happens, the number of olympic medals we bag this year will be restricted to single digit numbers, the entire team that consistently shed sweat and blood for years and years to get here have not just trained their bodies to push new heights, but have also fought against an unsupportive society along the way.
Shouldn't we be ashamed of ourselves?

Breeding Hatred

2008-08-21T12:50:00.000+05:30

How do wars start? What makes one country annihilate another country only to torture their men and rape their women? Countries annihilating other countries because they hate each other so much. How on earth does one (individual) start to hate a culture he doesn't even know about? How is this hate generated? Where does it all start? Read this article and the comments that follow and you will find your answer. Now, I personally am indignant about the entire forced child marriage fiasco described, but it's the comments behind that story that would tell you how irrational hatred develops, even among the educated.
Now, every culture, every community has some moral problem or the other. America has a serial killer in almost every state. Gun shootouts, racism (still?), paedophilia and adultery is plenty there too. My own culture has a strong caste and class distinction. Women aren't treated with dignity in my community too. But though America and India, acknowledge this social problem, they do not look at it as a major threat. The same with Iran too! All I say is, while it is alright to blame the the criminals for their crime, it does not make sense to generalize the crime to religion or community. (Check out comments 48, 39, 69)
What would this lead to?! Exactly what the guy behind comment number 48 wants. Don't you understand that since this incident has caught global concern, this could be an isolated one? There is definitely a majority of honest, hardworking people who love their families and try to provide for them, even in this evil looking community. What gives you the right to hate a culture for its weaknesses? Condemn the men behind this. Not the community. At least, you know that you're fighting oppression and not countries. At least, you will play your part in preventing World War III
(P.S. Realize, that this is the only article in the entire newspaper has more than 20 comments!)

Wisdom from a Rickshaw Puller

2008-08-20T15:38:00.000+05:30

Today was one of those days I felt I should share my breakfast. Well, the breakfast was nothing much, just a couple of samosas and a good ol' pack of the 4 rupee parle G. There was just too many thoughts running through my head this morning that I did not want to prepare something more nutritious. Actually I didn't want to do anything this morning except sleep all day. The usual zest of waking up early and doing productive things were absent. (ok.. it makes sense to strike out 'usual') I somehow kicked myself out of my home and went towards the bank. I stopped by the Amberhai Village Agarwal sweet store and bought myself a couple of samosas, a pepsi and a parle-G (just to get some change). I tried and stuff the food into my leather overnighter (which was getting heavier by the second) and was hoping for a teleport to Sector 5. There was a rickshaw guy waiting in front of the lassi shop. Not as great as a teleporter, but it would definitely work. Guess he was waiting for his lassi or something. I asked him if he'd drop me at Sector 5. He thought a bit and then said yes. I didn't ask him for the price. (really didn't care. I didn't care about anything except my good-for-nothing self) As we were trudging along, (or rather him trudging and me enjoying the ride) I decided that it was 'uncool' of me to disturb him from his breakfast, and I should share mine with him. Besides, I couldn't think of sitting out in the open and munching samosas and pepsi. So, after I paid him, I offered him a samosa and some biscuits. We sat in his rickshaw together and ate the samosas and the biscuits. I thought he would feel awkward, but after he found out that I was from Amberhai Village also, he relaxed a bit.
He told me about how he wasted his childhood smoking beedis, and thus he is still a rickshaw puller. He has taken all the blame on himself. That shows character (and a capitalist mindset we JNUites have learned to condemn!). Sure, it's the fault of the society. But is it also his fault? He for one, didn't want to blame anybody else. He also told me that the money is all over the streets in Delhi. You only need the brains to get the money. He said I was an educated boy, and I would be able to earn more money sitting in one place working than he would ever be able to by pulling a rickshaw around. But he told me he has a family and lives happily. We were sitting idling over the biscuits and the samosa, watching the time pass by. I was in a hurry and wanted to rush off to the bank and was feeling the slightest pinches of regret that I had to waste precious time before I got to the bank. He on the other hand felt that he was back in the village where everybody had all the time in the world. After staying for four years in Delhi, he seemed to still have those trusting tendencies an average villager would have. You can take the man out of the village, but man, you can never take the village out of the man!
He began to tell stories of his friends and the way they make money by just using their brains and creating markets where they don't exist. About this one guy who sent his son to the nearby forest to collect random herbs, plant them in plastic bags and sell them for a high price to Dwarka's richest. He also told me a longer story about another guy who made Rs 1055 just like that! The sad thing is, I don't know exactly how the guy made that Rs 1055.. Not because he didn't tell me, but because I didn't understand the pure Hindi he spoke in.
He also pointed out a marijuana in the middle of Sector 5 market, the place where Dwarka's richest shop. He showed me how they extract the pot out of the leaves, and how they used to make blunts and smoke in the village. He wondered aloud as to how much a man could get selling that marijuana. Like they say, if you find the right costumers, (Dwarka's richest, themselves!) you could be selling it for a lot of money! Dwarka's richest will be thinking that the stuff was shipped from Manali or elseswhere, when they actually pass by the source everyday! Obviously, that plant was almost bare, with almost no leaves on them because some kid or the other constantly walks by and plucks them out.
After I ran out of samosas and looked at the time, I decided that I had to run. I needed to get to the damn bank, get my work done (which has been pending for exactly 10 days, by the way) and go on to Shalom and continue to work before 11.00am! I hurriedly said bye and ran to the bank. The work got over pretty fast, and then I got to Shalom, where I am typing this blog.
I don't know if I will ever see that rickshaw-puller again, even though he says he lives in the street just behind my house. But it was nice hearing so much of rustic wisdom for a samosa and a few biscuits. It was fun talking and making friends with him. Though I wonder if he is smarter than I am, gaining my confidence just to (in some mysterious way) make my money walk away from me and toward him. I am told I should follow but one motto when I walk around the city. "Don't trust anyone". Well, I have tried for years now, but I still can't follow this motto as successfully as I should when I try and follow the other motto I was brought up to respect. "Love your Neighbour"

The Floating Leaf (once again)

2008-08-20T11:38:00.001+05:30

After listening to Younger Doctor's testimony of how she got her vision, and watching her work tirelessly with great discipline, zeal and "consistency", there's one word that comes to mind. Powerboat. Moving swiftly with purpose, cutting across the water toward the finish-line ahead.
May be this is why God has not given me a vision or a dream for the future yet. If one sets his eyes on a long-term goal, I feel the first rule would be to not take them off it till the end. Obviously, I'll find that very hard to do. Ever since I was a child, I have (much to my parents' disappointment) never been able to keep focussed in one goal for a long period of time. When I was in the fifth standard, I begged my parents to let me join the Karate class after school. After they spent a small fortune on my karate suit (the pajamas and the works), an ID card, I suddenly stopped going. Just like that! Ever since, I was always interested in one... million things at the same time. My interests in the past years have shifted from sports to music to object manipulation to sketching to... I started with badminton (spurred by my father's enthusiasm rather than mine) shifted to Table Tennis, then to basketball (for a very short stretch) then athletics, and finally volleyball! The moment I actually started getting into the circuit and making a name for myself, I dropped out of it, and now I can't say with confidence that I know all the rules. It's the same case with everything else.
If you ask me which direction I'm going, I can't tell you for sure. I've been going in all directions these past 22 years, I'm not sure I'm going left or right or up or down right now. I'm jumping from one ice-block to another in a vast river, going down stream and upstream at the same time.
As powerboats zoom past the floating leaf, he wonders as he bobs up and down in the waves they've created... Will he ever grow up to be one?

Thank you

2008-07-16T16:18:00.000+05:30

A lesser known Adam Sandler movie, called "Spanglish" has this dialogue where a little goes 'Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you ooh Thank you soo much!! This is the best day of my life ever!!" (or something to that effect). Well, this is what I wish to tell the (hmm... what shall I call them...) handsome couple (well, that's your title for now... yes, i still feel a wee bit intimidated... but when I get to know you better, you'll get the same treatment as all of my other friends) for their dinner treat!
It all started with the cell meeting I was initially even hesitant to attend mainly because I have to take a tiresome walk in the middle of the night back home and then cook dinner (yech) It would actually feel that this was the training ground to practise whatever I have learnt at the cell meeting that day (God: "Ok Sam, let's see what you've learnt about patience, sleep without complaining.. you're not getting electricity for an indefinite amount of time tonight. Sleep tight!!!")
Thankfully, like I learnt today at the cell group, God isn't that sort of a task-master. He proved that through 'the handsome couple' (for want of a better name). When they initially heard that I had a long way to walk, they decided to drop me by car. I accidentally told them that I couldn't cook because I didn't have electricity. They took me home and fed me with Top Ramen!!! How cool is that? Well, actually brand new families are supposed to that to churchmates, but I hadn't been too friendly with them at church too. (Obviously, the simple reason is that I don't have anything in common with them, wavelength-wise) He (I'll find a corny name for him soon enough) somehow found something in common and began conversation. He taught me a lot about report-writing and proposal writing; while she prepared dinner. We generally talked about Tsunamis and Disasters, hobbys, etc. over dinner, and they drove me back home.
I am glad to be in a Christian community such as this that wants to get closer, instead of splitting into their own cliques as soon as church is over. I hope I lose my fear (read intimidation) of people in high places, and of people smarter than I am.

This little light of mine

2008-06-20T18:27:00.003+05:30

Today was the first day I went to the field with the Home Based Care workers. Home Based Care is one of the most popular models in AIDS relief work today. I am here to learn as much as I can about the model, and later explain it to other people. But that's not the real reason why I am writing this post.

AIDS, like any other killing disease, brings trauma - to both the patient and the family members. Knowing that the patient doesn't have long to live removes you of all hope. But AIDS also brings a stigma along with it. Even though one must have been pricked accidentally by an unsterilized needle, everybody would condemn the person of being immoral (though sadly, it is the case 90% of the time).

A patient called "K" has been admitted here in the hospital for the past 2 weeks. Her youngest daughter, 5, also HIV/+ is here to take care of her. Her husband, also infected with the virus, is at home, bedridden. However, the mother has left a month's stock of groceries for their two other HIV negative elder daughters, one studying in the 12th and the other in the 10th. These two hardworking girls take care of the place. They told our friend, (and trainer) that they remember to clean the place regularly, and keep all their books and bags in order.
They are out of cooking-gas, so they cook their food using firewood. They cook for their father and themselves, clean the room everyday, take care of a little baby and study for their respective exams! And I thought I was doing a great job learning how to use the electric cooker!
Well, hell's not over for them. While we were speaking, two old women looked into the room and walked away. Immediately, this eldest daughter's face fell with shame and tears were welling up. I have a feeling that the girls weren't so popular in their village either. No points for guessing why.

As I write this, I feel like I am writing the first half of the Cinderella story. Don't these girls deserve a break? Hmm... May be, but they're not getting one in the near future at least. Chances are, that they are living just for their parents. As soon as their parents die, uncles and aunts will grab the place they're staying in now. They might marry them off for a cheap dowry, which means they will end up with even more disgusting men for husbands.

Something is very wrong here. But sadly, things like this happen everyday. AIDS is showing no sign of slowing down the infection rate, and people are showing no signs of stopping their immoral behavior. Also, people today rarely look out for others. If only the neighbours and friends were more supportive, we won't actually have a need to go and drop here every month. The mother won't be so sick with the lack of hope and the father MIGHT have changed because of this. Children don't have to hide their faces with shame the way they do. Survival of the fittest sucks.

Today's world is full of hypocrites. Thinking that by living good lives, providing for self and family and getting respect from people we have completed our duty as humans. Christians thinking that their little light is shining brightly among those who need it don't realize that they are sitting inside the wicker-basket.

At this time, I wonder if I also am a part of this dastardly system we all live in. Am I unknowingly trampling on the frail heads of a million people whose needs are smaller than those of a sparrow? Am I merely being a hypocrite with a job like this to explain away my actual insensitivity? And in anyway am I actually contributing to this Survival of the Fittest world that raises the wicked on pedastals made of the bones of the poor? I can only hope not.

My new home

2008-06-17T14:04:00.000+05:30

A few of my readers might have lived in places like this before and are expected to not bother reading the entire post. But me being someone who lived most of his life at least 30 to 40 feet above the ground in some apartment or the other, living at Amberhaigaun in a small room on the terrace of a once upon a time house for a joint family is fascinating! The room I have is definitely bigger than the rooms$ at Tapti and Xavier's! It also has an attached kitchen and bathroom. The downside is that the place doesn't have shelves of any kind. It's as raw as you can find them! Trying to refurnish the place to make it liveable wasn't that easy because I always took it for granted that there will be a soap with a scotch brite brush sitting next to sink... you get the picture.
Living in the hostel does give you a sense of responsibility but not as much as much as living alone like this. You definitely get a lot more worries in your head. Cooking is definitely one of those big reponsibilities, yeah, I definitely need to some catching up. Both with skills and instruments. As long as I don't fall sick or weak eating the works of my hands I really am not complaining yet! Every time I try and come up with new ways to make me eat more wholesome food! The catch to all this cooking is that I have to cook all these things only in the low energy consumption rice-cooker! I cannot cook on an electric hot-plate because of the extra energy it consumes. Buying a gas stove also is presently out of the question. The shop is too far, and I don't have so much money. I have got pretty interesting recipes that make me eat a lot as fast as possible! (Maybe I'll compile a crazy list and post them sometime!)
Another bore of living alone is the cleaning bit. Living on the terrace means my door opens to the terrace. Which means, all the dirt of the village enters the room the moment I open the door. And since my mattress is on the floor, I have to clean the floor regularly and make sure no bugs enter. Surprisingly the day I swabbed the floor with phenyl, insects started coming into the room! And the insects haven't left since! Any suggestions grandmas?!
The architecture is classic basti Delhi architecture. A few T shaped rafters line the ceiling. Balanced carefully between these rafters (without mortar or cement) are extremely huge, extremely cheap kadappa tablets. One slight shake of these rafters, and the ceiling meets the floor. I'm kinda sure because lizards go in and out of the room through gaps in the ceiling. So, in case of an earthquake I should remember to keep my wits about me, or I could get sandwiched before I say 'what?' But did y'all notice? during the mild earthquake there were no deaths?! Hmm... I guess It's not as unstable as it looks! But definitely not rain proof! This record breaking rain hasn't helped much either!
Still, for a summer season, the weather has been pleasant so far and the room is extremely comfortable! (Pent-house luxury, definitely!) But when the sun gets angry because the clouds were blocking it's view, y'all can have Sam Tikka for lunch!

Hi from the Village

2008-06-17T14:03:00.000+05:30

A few posts ago, I announced that I was going to join EHA as a "Training Co-ordinator". Well, here I am. The Pastor found a place for me nd told me that it was only worth Rs 1000 a month, which, compared to other places, was extremely cheap! So, I said to my self "What-the-heck" without thinking that it would be in the heart of a weird urban North Indian village!Most aspiring youth in the movies leave small villages or towns to big cities to seek their luck. Some movies elaborate to tell about the life of this young kid who one day became... err.. I don't know... Ambani? Rockfeller? Recently, I left my home to seek my fortune. In Delhi... But there's a slight snag in the story. I'm a pure-blood city-slicker. Have been brought up in big cities all over the country, and now, am here to seek my fortune (or greater good, if you might call it) in a village in Delhi!
Hi there! Welcome to Ambihaigaun! The village in Dwarka! Look at the kind of waters the floating leaf is swimming through now! This village generally is full of lower-middle class folk with a very... err... North Indian village like demeanor. Unlike other 'normal' villages that are surrounded by fields, this village has walls to surround it. But don't be fooled! This is a genuine certified village complete with panchayat, community centre and all! The walls of DDA colonies. Inside these colonies live people of the upper-middle-class (Generally the kind of people I was raised with and can get to know easily). Since my home is outside those walls (which I shall talk about later), I do not identify with them. I usually look at them as snobs who have more than they need and don't know what to do with them (of course "amnesia"ing the house at Chennai I have left)
The people of the place are slowly getting to know me. The occasional shop-keeper who finds out where I am from, and what I am doing, to the stares I get from people as I walk past them. I considered (and still consider) those stares as rude, but to them, it's a way of getting to know someone. To show that they recognize you. I have been trying to act friendly and say Hi to everyone I see the second time, but all they do is stare at you. I remember ol Digg telling me of his feelings about saying Hi. According to him, it's a completely useless ritual and a waste of voice. Here too, he knows that you acknowledge his presence and he acknowledges you. Of course, in a village, you're supposed to notice and remember everybody's faces unlike the city, where you only recognize a select faces you see very often, and in order to show you recognize them, you wave out so they notice you. But in the village, all this is taken for granted! Gee, I am learning a lot! (Not a bad observation for a hobbying anthropologist who's been here three days, eh?)
Almost (I said almost) everything you need to run a house can be found in the two rows of shops quite close to home. (Sometimes I wonder if one row of shops is a bad photocopy of the other) There is an ATM (for Axis bank, which I might make an account in, let's see) and a milk shop that roughly divides the two rows. And for things you cannot get (at least at a decent price) here, you'll have to make a trip to the big city, it takes about an hour to get there (of course, not in a cramped Government bus but in the AC of the metro (which is still cramped by the way) and get the choicest goods for the choicest prices (of course, if you know where to look)
I haven't completely explored either Ambihaigaun or even Dwarka for that matter. Ambihaigaun just doesn't so exciting to explore, and Dwarka is too big to be explored on foot. However, I now know how to go where I want to go! May be, as I get to know the place better, I might start posting!

Manjolai 2

2008-06-11T19:36:00.000+05:30

I forgot to add this in my previous trip to Manjolai. One of the craziest things I did was walk half a kilometer up the hill - ... - In a water-pipe! There was some maintanance work going on there, a friend of ours wanted to meet the foreman. The workers said he was working in the pipe half a kilometer up hill! So we went! We climbed up the ladder and let ourselves down the hatch into the looming water pipe, which by the way was five and a half feet in diameter... The walls of the pipe was coated with some sort of black slime. There were light-bulbs lighting our way, so there was no room for getting scared. But we all got a little claustrophobic in a little while. The feeling that the walls of the pipe are going to crush us wasn't exactly exhilarating!
We were also worried as to what would happen to us if someone at the dam above turned the big tap on. Well, apparently we would have been flushed out (hopefully in one piece... .... but definitely dead) at Kanyakumari!
That night, there was no scope of a good nights sleep! I kept imagining myself coming out at Kanyakumari covered in black slime and wrapped in a million lightbulbs!!!

Manjolai (important bit)

2008-06-11T16:10:00.002+05:30

Manjolai

2008-06-11T15:40:00.002+05:30

Oftentimes, when I hear my friends describe the beauty of the mountains, i rarely get impressed. I've seen the mountains of Kodaikanal, Thekkadi, and even a bit of the Himalayas! You see one, you've seen them all. What's so great?!
Today, standing at the top of an unnamed cliff at Manjolai, Tamilnadu, I couldn't think the same! Standing on the edge of the Western Ghats and looking at the plains below, my ancestral district slowly lighting it's lamps all over to chase away the incoming darkness, I decided to raise the 'beauty' scale a little higher.
The mountains completely clothed green with the trees were stretching in ups and downs all around me to form a great horizon. yet , from where I stand, I can see the range give way to the seemingly endless flatlands spanning at least 50 villages, flourishing because of the sparkling water streaming down from the mountains into a dam.
For a city-slicker like me, staring at starry skies is a rare sight. Last night, I could have spent the entire night looking at the real live planetarium, watching shooting stars, and wondering what to wish for, 'cause for the moment I couldn't remember a single care in the world!
In a few weeks time, I'll be the busiest man on the planet, settling down to a new job, a new life. This could be the best stretch one could ever wish for!
Beside this awesome beauty, I did spend some 'quality-time' with the family. Great pics will soon be put up!

Ode to my inspiration

2008-05-09T12:13:00.002+05:30

Two days ago, a friend of mine thanked me (and my blog) for being her inspiration to start a blog. It definitely is very nice to hear that you've inspired someone to do something good. (Especially when her blog slowly turns out to be richer than yours!) But that kind gesture got me thinking. What was MY inspiration to start a blog? Ah! Menoncholic! I shamelessly have forgotten add his blog to my set of links. Also don't even know how to trackback him showing him the (rather sideshow) fruits his toil!
A giant salute to you, guy with the nerdy glasses, hope you continue posting! For god's sake, you were really good!

Farewell time 2

2008-04-30T14:41:00.004+05:30

One more exam to go, and I hopefully will be done with my education! (For now, at least) Oh, and about my other three exams that past? Let's just say I like creative explosive writing! (The writings inspire explosions) I have just got my airplane ticket back home, and I can't wait till I START counting the days!
The exams thankfully are not as taxing as they used to be. I am able to relax all I want and study for it in the last minute. Though I had an exam today, I was able to watch the UEFA ManU Barca match last night! (Just so you know, I don't follow football... this was just a freak accident.) Sometimes I wonder why they bother to give us an exam! Might as well correct our term-papers properly! We work really hard for them!
The Hospital (hopefully my second source of financial support. The first one is my dad's card) just called to set up the interview timings. The guy on the phone sounded very professional. I'll be going for my very first job-interview on the 5th of May. Monday. Please pray for me guys!
OK. Where was I? Oh! Farewell! yes... come to think of it, right now I don't feel so much that I will be leaving this place for good. I have grown too attached to the people here and to the place altogether.
Great friends like the guy in the green shirt, the angry ol' man, lil girl, digg, rolly, the peppy linguist, 'what's there' girl and her best friend, (and so on and so forth) will be people I'll really miss, and would be altogether happy to stay in touch with. I've done things here that I've never done before!
I've stood in front of an out-door church, played the guitar and sang and led worship all at the same time! (Smirk away guitar greats... smirk away) I've listened (and have been inspired by) great singing at church (that's you guitar greats, and you tabi, if you ever read this). I've begun to like singers like Dylan, Marley, Beatles, Jars of Clay, Jaci Vel, Billy Joel. I've started listening to rap.
I've danced to tamil film songs on stage twice! I've worn a suit and sang in a concert, performing the same show for two different audiences. I have had the blessed chance to dance under the snow. I've been frostbitten (not dog-bitten yet, but looking at the number of hounds in campus, it will soon happen). I've chatted with a rajasthani local in Hindi for around 20 minutes without an interpreter. I've stayed awake for 72 hours straight. I've slept for 16 hours flat (pun intended). I've learnt how to juggle. I've learnt the art of writing graffiti on paper (duh wait till I get spray cans!). I've got a decent collection of movies. I've learnt to love the open-source (not that I use it right now).I've learnt that being a hooligan is not as bad as it looks (learnt that on holi). I've learnt how to eat the spiciest of pork, fish, maggi without worrying about my leaking nose.
Thanks a lot guys!!! Will miss you lots!!!
Ok... Enough, I'll have to stop now and bawl for a while in the restroom... So if you'll excuse me...

Farewell time

2008-04-25T13:39:00.002+05:30

Approximately an hour to go before the first of my final exams begin. Unlike the rest of those in my class, I have learnt one thing about taking exams. Don't take things too seriously. Do as much as you can, and leave the rest to Him. I don't think I can cram any more into my brain. All I will do now if I do that is hyper-ventilate, palpitate and finally collapse into a great big heap of ...

Before I say anything more, I'd like to thank all you readers who have been motivating me to write into here. You guys were great! scrapping me and asking me to write more! Really felt that I was doing something worthwhile! (Also would like to thank Google putting my name into it's search list.. Google Samuel Joseph JNU and see what you get!!)
What you get is that master-piece I wrote, basically bashing up JNU! Now, that I have to leave the place, I realize that in a place like this, you could easily get comfortable. In spite of the fact that you have to walk a lot before you can get anywhere, you get used to it! The forests in the middle of the city are something that I guess I might never see again. The friends I've made here have been one of the closest! I don't show it too much, but they are. JNU definitely grows into your skin, and I feel that I might miss the place when I go out. (boo hoo)
Ok, for all you readers, another announcement (before I get into hyperventilation mode) I will be completing my 'formal education' phase of my life, and The Floating Leaf will either be entering the working class phase or the unemployment phase.
Will write in detail soon. (May be after the exam gets over)

Linux woes

2008-01-09T22:31:00.000+05:30

Being the Change makes you weird...

I came up with this phrase a few days ago when I joined the ubuntu bandwagon... Everybody who had windows either thought i was very brave, or was just showing off, or just thought i was weird. I on the other hand thought I was a part of a new revolution against the system. Against microsoft, the money-hungry exploitative giant...

Anyway, the above phrase was well-meant, and was really useful, on my part... Unfortunately,
being the change doesn't only make you weird... It knocks the daylights out of you, and makes your days filled with pain, anger, and frustration because things never ever go easy when you swim against the tide. With no internet connection, no sound, no video on my computer, it with all it's cool hardwarde (1gb ram, 160gb sata, dual-core, lcd screen dvd writer) is completely useless! Ubuntu doesn't come loaded with these drivers... You'll have to hook your comp directly to the internet.. The internet walas don't know how to get my comp compatible with their servers, so no internet connection possible! :( Geez! What frustration

Haven't found a single decent ubuntu book as of yet... Once I do so, I hope i devour it before classes start! Hope there's a chapter on temper-management!

Sorry for taking out my bitter feelings on you... thank you for your patience

Baudelaire

2008-01-07T20:46:00.000+05:30

I picked up a book called 'Flowers of Evil' by Baudelaire, a renowned french poet. This is the English translation by the Peter Pauper Press. I was always curious about poetry, but this book blew me away! Brilliant poetry, and great hold on metaphors. I really liked the translator's meter and rhyme patterns...

Here is the poem...

To the Reader
Folly and error, sin and avarice,
Labor our minds and bodies in their course,
Blithely we nourish pleasurable remorse
As beggars feed their parasitic lice.

Our sins are stubborn, our repentance faint,
We sell our weak confessions at high price,
Returning gaily to the bogs of vice,
Thinking base tears can cleanse our every taint.

Pillowed on evil, Satan Trismegist
Ceaselessly cradles our enchanted mind,
The flawless metal of our will we find
Volatilized by this rare alchemist.

The Devil holds the puppet threads; and swayed
By noisome things and their repugnant spell,
Daily we take one further step toward Hell,
Suffering no horror in the olid shade.

As an impoverished rake will kiss and bite
The bruised blue nipples of an ancient whore,
We steal clandestine pleasures by the score,
Which, like dried orange rinds, we pressure tight.

Serried, aswarm, like million maggots, so
Demons carouse in us with fetid breath,
And, when we breathe, the unseen stream of death
Flows down our lungs with muffled wads of woe.

If poison, knife, rape, arson, have not dared
Yet stamp the pleasing pattern of their gyves
On the dull canvas of our sorry lives,
It is because our torpid souls are scared.

But side by side with our monstrosities
— Jackals and bitch hounds, scorpions, vultures, apes,
Panthers and serpents whose repulsive shapes
Pollute our vice's dank menageries,

There is one viler and more wicked spawn,
Which never makes great gestures or loud cries
Yet would turn earth to wastes of sumps and sties
And swallow all creation in a yawn:

Ennui! Moist-eyed perforce, worse than all other,
Dreaming of stakes, he smokes his hookah pipe.
Reader, you know this fiend, refined and ripe,
Reader, O hypocrite — my like! — my brother!

I really thought it was a great description of myself, actually. Most of the time, I act revolted by evil... I scorn all those who commit such... But am I not the chief of evildoers myself?

(Ennui means boredom)

Laugh at this...

2007-12-07T22:18:00.000+05:30

This is a test whether you've been a fan of old english sitcoms such as Yes Minister, Are You being Served, Mind your language, etc... Enjoy the following video, and laugh your heart out... If you can..

Interestingly, all the sitcoms mentioned above have laugh tracks... The irritating background that goes 'hahahahaa' with the video piece... In spite of the fact the video is not at all funny, if you laugh along with the laugh-tracks, it shows, you have been well 'Pavlov-trained'... A process of conditioning.. Where you feel like laughing whenever you hear a laugh-track.
Well, did you laugh? Tell me ... I'd like to know

Racism

2007-12-05T21:34:00.000+05:30

Lust for infidelity, lust for power, lust for money, and the best things on earth. These have been the characteristics we've been flaunting ever since we humans walked the earth. With so many classics written against these destructive tendencies, and all the crap that comes with it, (like racism,) I thought these things should have been done away with a long time ago!

America, the land of every Indian engineers, lawyers, doctors, and whoever else's dream: the place that preached evangelism, and legalism, I thought they would at least try and suppress these evils. I would at least try (I still don't, though) and understand the casteist garbage our own country might have, they've been brought up in it, but the 'educated, rich, centre of all power, etc,' white Americans!!! Racist crap of the world! Look at you! You revere the prophets of your country, who speak against racism, and for equality, and respect for differences! Damn it!

Just today, I decided to listen to Salt n Pepa, a really nice women's hip-hop band on youtube, They were really good, but the comments below were way off the topic... Take a look

CrazyWhacko88 (16 hours ago) Show Hide

(Reply) (Spam)

So you're saying that the protestors should be punished for standing up against a racist system? That's fuckin' stupid. On another note, what does Jena 6 have to do with this video? Oh yeah, and what the hell's the difference between hanging yourself with a rope and a noose? *Rolls eyes*

doctorspankluv (12 hours ago) Show Hide

(Reply) (Spam)

Idiot...Pepa went and joined the other racist protesters. She condones attacking people based on race and making excuses for black criminals actions. Hang'em high!

doctorspankluv (12 hours ago) Show Hide

(Reply) (Spam)

Whack fag...the "noose" is the problem to the racists.

CrazyWhacko88 (11 hours ago) Show Hide

(Reply) (Spam)

Fine, sorry, I made a mistake, but is the insult on my username necessary? If you're going to try bagging out my name, at least do so under a name that doesn't sound so immature (doctorspankluv...are you bloody kidding me? lol)

Well, doctorspankluv definitely needs a spanking!

As I write anti-racist crap, there'll definitely be three other white boys, or upper-casters making up even more stereotypes about the other. I am in a way glad, and humbled that I as a person, did not have to face such abuse, but right now, I'm with you brothers, if the racist whites and the casteist buggers bug you, call me :)

Please comment

The life of a blogger

2007-12-02T18:44:00.000+05:30

Well, I at the moment cannot consider myself as a 'blogger' as of yet.. Sure, I blog, but when I look at the grates, like J. LeRoy, Man, am I impressed. This guy really knows what he's typing! Just take a look at the amount of tabs that's openedGeez, There'll be a time when a third worlder like me would get a chance to open so many tabs at the same time, with my browsing speed not creaking under the pressure...

Oh, btw, any tips on Content writing anyone?

How to become the most viewed on youtube # 2

2007-11-28T19:43:00.000+05:30

Show some skin!!! Sex sells!!! Watch out for 1.05...

ples red karfuli

2007-11-28T19:37:00.000+05:30

I got this stuff on the mail, and I thought I should put this up... This is Hilarous!!! At least for me...

Commission has just announced that English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

For want of a name

2007-10-10T21:56:00.000+05:30

Before I start ranting about life, I would like to thank my devoted readers (endangered/extinct a species as you are) for your patience, and would also offer my sincere apologies for not posting of late.
The main reason for this is that I haven't been getting time to breathe. Surprisingly, If you find things to do, you can get really really busy... Even in a place like JNU!! There is just no time to breathe now a days! And I was thinking I could go travelling and juggling and working on silly jobs!
Ah, but that dream is just blown into bits, and I'm at the moment using this two hour breather to blog and surf the net. Speaking of which, there is one pretty cool site of this street performer... Basketballman!!! This guy could teach me a bit about street performing, especially since I just can't wait to get my juggling skillz on the streets! (Damn it, I haven't yet got it out on the web!)
Ah, but who cares about juggling anyway? The last time I went for an art workshop, everybody found it extremely funny that i was a juggler! huh? Ok, isn't that an art? ah.. (Google Jason Garfield and he'll tell you that it ain't, but who's listening to him?) But hey, there are certain things people like to do, that other people don't want to do. So? Let that poor guy do what he's doing and give him some encouragement in the very least! Ah well, I just hope I soon find some cool juggler around here. (It'll be great if that juggler has a couple of unicycles.)
Oh, by the way, I am on linux now, and am rally enjoying myself. Here are photos of my desktop with and without pictures. (I hope to get cooler backgrounds asap, with better icons. Once that happens, I'll post again) This is just the beginning y'all!

Linux

2007-09-21T13:05:00.000+05:30

Ahoy all you OSS users! Please welcome the newest newbie! (I guess you must be getting a lot of us lately, since Ubuntu) Really, I am very impressed with the result of a collective effort on the command-shell and on ubuntu as a GUI. Also, the help groups and the skin groups are very helpful and fun. Am really enjoying my first few days as an ubuntero!

Well, these things always come with a price. Sadly. If I have to get the internet connection in my room (which sadly is something Ubuntu cannot live without) then, I'll have drag my 3 kilo laptop for three kilometers to their dingy 'internet provider' dugout. (Strangely I had a feeling that any place with computers was supposed to be porche!)

Well, as a matter of confession, the main reason why I am using linux instead of windows is because my ageing P4 is behaving like a P2! So, I decided to load a lighter OS. There is a slight improvement now. And since the computers at the Sociology Centre have decent internet and don't block Ubuntu sites, I don't have much of a problem yet :)

I fill up space: Therefore, I am

2007-09-16T16:09:00.000+05:30

Here is a write-up that tries to be self-reflective and inspiring. All readers are warned that the following lines are NOT self-reflective and inspiring. Well, in my eyes, it's plain bull-shit. Just a lot of huge words put together in a salad.

If JNU has done any good to me these last years, it has made me think. People around here love to talk about issues that make you realize how bad this world is, and how fortunate I should consider myself for being born in an upper-class family. It made me realize how fortunate I was to not worry about my next meal, or my safety. I realize now, how difficult it would have been for me to laugh at the silly jokes we still crack if I lived in a refugee camp or as a dalit woman in an Indian village.

Well, selfish that I am, I have thought much about how fortunate I am! I have occasionally felt extremely angry at myself, and extremely guilty for my being so careless with my stuff. It occasionally even hurts when I waste my food. What have I ever done for those who need my help? All I have done is help people of my own class. (Obviously with the hope that the person will return the favor) I occasionally even think about all the not-so-well-off friends in college I rarely talk to.

I'm again in one of those 'occasional' thinking moods. Just yesterday, I saw the movie 'Freedom Writers', and I was impressed, mainly because a movie with such a cliched name didn't really draw high expectations on my side. But I was really 'touched' by the movie. Mainly because of two things. The life 14, 15 and 16 year old kids in the streets are so tough, that if I was in their place, I really don't know what could have made me go to school! Also, the teacher in the movie had the will-power and the guts of someone larger than life. (I always wish I had that 'Never say Die' attitude in me, especially when I realize that I have not done most of what I wanted to do because I either 'just didn't have the mood', or because 'I had more important work to do'. (the catch was, I never find myself in the mood, and I rarely attempt the 'other important work' during that time!

Well, I think almost everybody is blessed with a vision, a purpose or a burden in life. It is up to us to do something about it. We will be faced with resistance from the very start. But by God's grace, it is up to us to push on.

Busy Busy busy...

2007-08-18T01:06:00.000+05:30

There has been a lot happening now a days. Most of us here in JNU have been working our heads off for the past few days. The course work, the social life and work with the CF, don't seem to be letting down, and there won't be a lot of rest in the near future. A friend of mine (who I shall identify as the person with the fetish for green t-shirts) has been working so much he has given up on his blog. (Like so many other less persistent internet freaks) He has done well to do so, because I have to make a lot of compromises on my reading and my general academic development by coming online and spending my time posting blogs that talk on completely superficial issues.

Another friend (whom I shall identify as the 'Angry old man') said, that certain people may not be cut out for academic work like some others. Well, I am not the one to say if I am cut out for academic work. I haven't reached that stage of self-knowing yet, but whatever I am made for, I don't find so much interest in academics at the moment. I seem to like dealing with societies and people in a more practical way than reading about them from books at the moment.

I have been getting a lot of books to read, but I just haven't been finding the time or the motivation to read them. Confessions of an Economic Hitman, Freakonomics (yes, I haven't read that yet) Wretched of the Earth, and The Poet of the Underworld. Besides this, there are other uninteresting (let's remind ourselves that the adjective used is a purely subjective one) textbooks on Gramsci.

Hmm... Well, some of you might be wondering what interests I actually have. Well, let me warn you, that I am up to no good. Nothing financially suitable, nothing that will bring the world (or even other arm-chair thinkers) greater good (books). Well, I just stumbled upon a few sites today. So, here are the sites I usually frequent...

www.jugglingdb.com
www.superhandz.com
www.pentrix.com

Of course, I am not good at anything, nor am I a part of any occult... Yet... But at least you guys know where my interests are...

and I (try to) read more 'mature sites' like
www.overcomingbias.com
www.kottle.org (Yes, I do read Kottle)
www.wholenote.com (Whenever I want to read tips on dusting my guitar)
www.juggle.tv (When I need inspiration)

Quotes I liked... (A random post again)

2007-08-17T01:49:00.000+05:30

One handful with tranquilty
Is better than two handfuls
With toiling and chasing after the wind - Ecclesiastes

It's only when you have lost everything that you are free to do anything - Fight Club

The floating leaf - revisited

2007-08-07T02:21:00.000+05:30

Well, this is more of a continuation with my previous post, The Floating Leaf. I got a lot of positive comments on this particular post, but that didn't do much to my feelings, volatile as they are. God hasn't let me down yet, and I've had a great time learning how to let my life completely into God's hands. The more I put myself into Him, the better I feel about myself and the world around me. Even though the latter thinks I've lost it completely.

I was speaking with a friend who recently decided to do everything what God wanted him to do. There was so much happiness in that person's voice, though he was still recovering from the shock of letting go of something he had been holding to himself for so many years. That overwhelming rush of freedom went through him as it did me when I made that decision many years ago.

Well, to me, I find it better to plan one day at a time instead of directing your life toward a larger goal. You don't have to go through so much of planning, all you have to do is give your best at the task at hand. Everything will fall into place in it's own time. Of course, there is that motion sickness you need to deal with, because this kind of life usually has steep drops and climbs. But once you're able to stomach it, God at the engine doesn't seem such a bad idea at all!

Ranting at sociology!

2007-08-01T16:27:00.000+05:30

To all my professors and research scholars, please don't take the following seriously. I'm merely an ignorant ranter! If you are not used to taking things lightly, I suggest you click the 'next blog' link on the top of the page.

Life is more complex that Pierre Bordeaux's writing...
Well, of course, you would respond with a cheery grin saying that if life was actually as easy to understand (and as boring) as J.K.Rowling, it wouldn't be worth living. Hmm... You've made your point there, my man. But I have a feeling that this not-so-simple life definitely doesn't need to be studied so much, at least the way we're doing at the School of Social Sciences, JNU! The amount of theories desperate bored thinkers have put into mere sociology is mindboggling! I thought these theories would relate more to practical life, where we would get to use these theories for the greater good of human-kind! But no! For the past two-hundred years, great thinkers have come and gone, giving their 'seminal contributions' to the world of philosophy, sociology, and what not, and what has that helped!

Wake up all you academicians! (I consider myself a 'wide-awake, half-baked' academician) Don't you realize that no one is investing in you! They know that you don't have anything practical to offer to the world, for the betterment of human-kind! Most of us merely want to have our head in the clouds, and take an arial view of society, history, and life itself! All you know to do is to criticize everything in society, and form utopias in your heads and in your fat books! But c'mon do you all actually think that the rest of the world is that stupid! Well, they also want utopia to exist, you know, but they have already figured out that if it hasn't happened for the past so many years, it never will. So why bother trying!

Do you also realize that you are mere parasites to the world! Tell me one great contribution to the world! (If you mumble about some great work by some great bearded moss-laden thinker, please stuff a dozen copies of that book down your throat before you do so) All you have fed the world is great thought! And you consider yourself great learned people! There are so many people working hard, scratching the surface, trying to make the world a better place, while you berate them about their ignorance! We don't need great thought. We need action. If you can shed some light and get you hands dirty, maybe, you'll begin to respect youself!

Well, all steam has been released, and now I'll have to get back to reading "The Habermas Reader" by William Outhwaite (1996) Thanks for reading!

The summer heat

2007-07-30T13:29:00.000+05:30

This is just to inform all my faithful readers (and those of you who have wandered here by dire accident) that the weather in Delhi is as fickle as the heart of a bumble bee! There was a time not so long ago, when a human being could walk for a kilometer in the middle of the day without going insane, but today, it took a herculean effort to just get to the cyber-cafe just behind my hostel! I'm absolutely sure I've darkened three shades during this short walk.

This is also to inform you all that life is going to get extremely busy in the next few days. Classes have shifted into third gear, and one particular professor had used the strangest metaphor when he described his course. He compared our class with pregnancy! Where after we go through a painful struggle for over 4 months, we'll produce material that we will be proud of for a long time! As a half-baked academician, I'm not so sure if I want that for myself. But let's see how things move on!

I'd rather get a job for myself as soon as possible. In this modern version of Survival of the Fittest, I'll soon have to get into a state of economic stability, at least after I finish my Degree. Hope to find some new avenues to gain work experience, and new contacts, by the time a month is up. But for that I have to start looking! The smarter among my readers would have found out by now that I am not that kind of a person. But well, if I can walk for 3 kilometers in the hot Delhi sun without kissing the ground even once, I should be able to do this too!

.... And I'm back!!!

2007-07-27T21:26:00.000+05:30

... continuing the trend of increasing incoherence in my writing! All of you looking for literary genius and great penmanship, please click on the 'Next blog' link. I have decided not to use the backspace button even once while typing this post, as I just don't have the time to proof-read and edit my work. Also, typing a post in a cybercafe could be harder than you imagine. When the peace and quiet you usually need to type decent posts are taken away from you, the words just don't flow so easily. Also, those who hate blogs that ramble on about their authors life, can click on the aforementioned link. There... All disclaimers have been made!

There's just so much to write about! (Oh, for those of you readers who don't know, but actually care, today is my birthday!) Celebrating your birthday in campus full of friends is something so uplifting, that grin on your face could last the entire year. Well, let me take you all to the garden outside the pink palace, on 26th July, 2007. Few of us were sitting on the grass in a circle, praying and sharing, not very differently from the four old women sitting a few meters away from us. The sky was brilliant! The light on the leaves and in the sky had such a magical flavour to it, that it looked like a huge, well-drawn watercolour painting. It was the buzzing mosquitoes on my head that reminded me that it was real.

At this time, when I am supposed to be listening to my friends speak, my mind wanders to same time last year. I was new to Delhi then, and didn't know a soul. There wasn't anybody around to wish me happy birthday. Most of the calls came from Bombay, which made me dream of going back there... As I looked at all these new friends I made in a year, I was so grateful to God for his grace, that he even provides us with good friends!

There was a cake cutting after that meeting, with a Happy Birthday song with mock choreography! I so wish I had a camera... (Yes, I am aware I am sounding more like a sentimental girl than anything else)

There was another cake cutting session on the 27th midnight, three of my classmates came to wish me happy birthday with an expensive cake... And also with Pooja! pooja was my classmate in Xavier's, now studying in North Delhi. She came all the way down just to wish me a happy birthday! How sweet is that! I couldn't stop being grateful for such thoughtful friends! What have I ever done to be so blessed?!

Well, Enough of sentimental mushiness... Hopefully there'll be a genuinely interesting scrap next time!

Did you know?

2007-06-16T19:52:00.000+05:30

Here's a few snippets from a website that's stood beside me during my painful hours of boredom during holiday season. This is actually e-mail forward material, but what the heck...

Here are a few movie cliches

For the female teenagers there is only one way to go; they find a new friend (odd girl, dance teacher, old lady) who transform them into Cinderella. So she first gets attracted by the school´s Idiot (seen from the sight of an adult: football star, best looking bully, is barely able to read or write) but later chooses the friendly, shy guy that she got to know on her first day, all are happy, the end.

Whenever the main hero is about to confess something important to another character (usually a love interest) they both have something to say. The hero lets the other person go first, and whatever they say makes the hero not want to say what he was about to say. When asked what they were going to say, they say something unimportant like "Nice dress".

People never get hickups , sneeze, or cough during movies.

Everyone wears their shoes on inside the house.

Teens are always confronted by their lover/crush/friend the EXACT moment they open their locker.

The Eiffel tower is perfectly visible from any window in Paris.

Enemies are very inaccurate when it comes to firing a gun.

Throwing spitballs and passing notes are the ONLY two forms of amusement in a classroom when it comes to movies.

Clapping finales in the movies often follow the same rules. First, there will be complete silence after the hero accomplishes a task or gives an inspiring speech. Second, one solitary person (this is often someone who means a great deal to the hero. The hero might have even had relationship problems with this person) will begin to clap slowly and rhythmically. Third, the solitary clapper is slowly joined by another...and then another...and then another clapper until ultimately everyone is clapping for the hero. ex. Cool Runnings, Strictly Ballroom, Can't Buy Me Love, etc.

The president/leader of any organization will be in a swivel chair. You will start talking to them, and only when you enrage them will they turn around.

A secret about Sam

2007-06-15T23:05:00.000+05:30

For those who actually read this blog now and then, here's a treat you've all been waiting for! Well, not a treat exactly, but a report of the results of my efforts to keep my self from dying of boredom. (Didn't understand? Read over)

I'm a bonafide juggler now. From the beginning of this year while you guys were wondering what I was doing with all my free time, I was working hard tossing balls into the air. Thanks to the Internet, I think I'm pretty good now! Not that anyone has seen me juggle, other than my poor roomie (My roomie lives in constant fear of flying balls crashing into his head, or worse, his expensive, very much breakable, stuff. Hence the qualification 'poor') and my family. I really wish I could show of my skills on youtube, but the only thing stopping me is the lack of a decent video camera.

Speaking of my juggling finesse, I'm working on juggling three balls in one hand, and on juggling 5 balls with two. Contact juggling has also taken a sudden interest. (Obviously this is due to the recent scarcity of things to do)
Well, I try not to blame myself for wasting my time on such 'useless' hobbies, but like a very good friend of mine said. "It's better to do something that will enrich your life instead of wasting it on merely acquiring money" (Of course, this guy is a proper junkie, so what else would he say?!)
Well, I thought it was time to proclaim this newly added skill of mine to the world, and thus this will result in more posts on juggling! Oh, for those who don't want to read those posts (that would most definitely be filled with technical mumbo jumbo) I'd have tagged them for you :)

Early Mornings

2007-05-24T10:43:00.000+05:30

Most people consider us University students boring people with no night-life, and usually live with their heads buried in their books... Well, you guys are right.. Most of us are like that, but you do know that there are a few exceptions. Walk into my MA class, and you'll know what I'm talking about. (Because my class is the one with all the exceptions!!!) We've got inspired film-makers, artists, journalists, comedians, jugglers, singers, guitarists, mimics, and a lot more.

Well, I know that's not anything great, but finding people like this in a research institute is pretty cool! But, since we don't do as much work as the average city slicker, we obviously don't need much sleep. This has made a few people like me end up having the weirdest sleep cycles. I now don't sleep at 2.00am anymore.. I sleep at 7.30am or later!!! (When everybody gets ready for work) What do I do till then? Well, there are so many things a guy can do in the middle of the night in a hostel like mine. There is the internet, and all it's information, both relevant and unnecessary; there's my roomie, Digvijay, who's availability 24x7 for chatting and debating on any serious or frivolous issue. (Talking with ol' Digg can last for hours on end). And of course, there's the food-court, where the food and the fun happens!

Another great thing about sleeping so late is the fact you get to witness dawn. If there's something really really important, I can force myself to wake up before the sun, but that has happened less than ten times in my twenty years of existence. And once you witness dawn at JNU, you get addicted.
Early morning walks, runs, exercises are great for body mind and soul. I didn't believe in that until I tried it out here. (Obviously, I didn't get up to exercise. I just stayed up) If you've been reading my earlier posts (Crazy fog!) you'll know what I'm talking about. I thought only the JNU landscape with it's temperate springtime flowers and trees, peacocks, squirrels, and tweety birds would make great mornings, but I was once again proved wrong.

I wanted to check out how the morning looked like at Chennai, so when I went home for my vacations, I was amazed by the sunrise! From my terrace, I could see the Chennai harbour, with it's towering cranes and ships, and the rising sun throwing rays between these monsters of steel, with the reflecting glassy ocean as a background. It is definitely a great idea to wake up early in the morning

After a long while

2007-04-03T00:36:00.000+05:30

I just realized the hopelessness of typing a blog like this, knowing that no one other than a few good friends I know would read it. Besides, what was

Crazy Fog!!!

2007-03-02T18:30:00.000+05:30

I had the privelege of watching the glories of God's creation two early mornings in a row! Those who know me will be kinda surprised thinking "What's Sam doing so early in the morning?" Well, let me tell you..
Oh, don't worry.. I haven't even thought about the joys of being a morning person or anything yet. I still enjoy my late nights. As a matter of fact, I didn't sleep at all last night! (Ah, that explains it...) We Tamils of JNU had dance-practise yesterday, (The Tamil Cultural Association performing for the entire university tomorrow night... And the reason why all my friends have decided to turn up for it is (obviously) because I'm dancing!!!) and it lasted upto two in the morning. I decided that it wouldn't do any good if I attempt sleeping, because it would surely result in my not waking up on time for lectures. I did the same thing yesterday, which resulted in my not being able to control my sleep in Nilika's class, (but who cares). Later, I was able catch my sleep from two in the evening to eight at night. Of course, I didn't have anything close to what you would call productive days. (err.. nights).. Mostly reading my reference books and watching juggler videos:)
Ok.. About the morning.. I wore warm clothes and kegs, took out my camera and ran out into the morning! I've never seen so much fog! The visibility would have been around 10 meters! For a southie like me, fogs like me can easily drive me crazy! I took a few snaps and started on my run towards the playground. On the way, I found a peacock sitting majestically on a tree, (sadly, it was too dark and foggy for me to get a decent snap. went to the ground, enjoyed my run in the mist and the dew wetting my face as I ran! Sadly, I had gastro problems (obviously because of the overnight vigil) and couldn't run as much as i wanted to. After more admiring scenery, I took those stereotypical photos of flowers in full bloom, exercised and ran back to the room!
I have decided to do this more often.. Hopefully everyday.. *Deja vu.. I remember uttering the very same sentence the first day I came to JNU! *

Boredom Again!! Part 2

2007-02-19T02:59:00.000+05:30

This is the second part of my 'Boredom Again' boasting about my boring life series. It would be a good idea if you read the previous post before you read this one.

Ok.. Are you done reading the previous post? Good.. Oh, so you guys must be wondering about my status of employment? Well, I bunked that idea. (Tell me something new). I actually got really into developing these 'skills for survival' namely juggling and plate manipulation! I've gone pretty far, and I know that I will not get time like this to fool around later, when I really have a job, so I decided I'll make the best of it!

And that (can't think of a politically correct adjective that speaks my mind) JNU course work has finally caught up with me, and I've recieved a barrage of term-paper deadlines, that I'm happily back to hard-work that doesn't require brains. (At least, there's some legit work to do) Come to think of it, i'm supposed to be working on my synopsis for my term-papers, but I just didn't feel like it tonight. I'll work on it tomorrow. Hey, synopses can wait, but not my blog posts!! Today is one of those lucky days i feel like blogging.

Was going through a few of the 'funniest blogs online'. These guys really have a sense of satire, wit and everything else a creative writer could dream off! Well, I would definitely want to be like them, but I just don't have the mood to practise!

Oh, and speaking of boredom, it's cleared out completely! (The crap you have just read doesn't contradict with that last sentence. I'm not bored. I'm too sleepy to think straight) Life is beautiful again!

Boredom again!

2007-02-10T14:18:00.000+05:30

It's been a long time since i've posted anything. The last time I did so was on the 29th of Jan, but somehow I only managed to get the title through to my blogsite. Well, it isn't exactly the Monalisa that's missing. so here's more crap to fill up for it.

There are two reasons why there isn't any verifyable frequency of posts in this blog. One, my life has decided to slowdown, and as said by the great so and so, "Life isn't exactly one damn thing after another. It's just the same damn thing over and over again".

There isn't anything interesting that one could blog about. Life isn't hectic as it is supposed to be, and I'm not doing anything about it. Yesterday, I met like-minded people suffering from insomnia because of lack of work and we all decided to get ourselves jobs. There seemed to be no other alternative. At least upto now. I really hope this wish to get a job turns into a reality, and that I'll be smart enough to work and study at the same time.

I'm not sure that I know how to manage my time as well as the other people. But I sure am very bad at keeping myself occupied. I am getting restless, but not restless enough to do something worthwhile. The past two months I've been juggling (3 ball+tricks, plate manipulation, pen spinning) playing tennis and badminton to pass my time. Nothing else. Kinda frustrating, if you ask me, I hope I can do something useful today. (Half the day is over already. Hope to make use of the second half properly)

Tribute to my kid brother

2007-01-09T19:07:00.000+05:30

I write this piece a few hours before my departure from Chennai, the place of my loved ones. I know well how much I am going to miss them all, but there is one person who I know will miss me the most.. After all I did to him.
I'm leaving home once again David, back to my boring studies and not-so-boring friends. I wonder what made me think that I did not have a good time here, when all I did was have fun! I'll really miss you buddy, though I'll be back in a few months from now.
Of course, though you're kinda sore about me going for a while, you'll soon be up to your neck in your tenth boards. You know you'll have to slog it out for a few months now, and I'll be safely out of the way. If i'm around, I know, that will hamper thoughts of constructive work for both of us.
It was great of you to download all those movies I asked for and write them down into CD's. I'll remember you everytime I use those CD's man :) Don't worry about being different. Believe me, the whole Joseph family is different from the rest. You have no idea, but you soon will. And it always is cool to be different, no matter what folks may say. Keep at it bro', you'll be a star.
Keep training at parkour too, It'll at least give me motivation to work out if it doesn't do much for you. Oh, and for heaven's sake, don't get them in the way of your books.
I'll miss you lil bro, ciao
Sam

What a way to start the new year!!

2007-01-02T22:11:00.000+05:30

As I do every time, I dutifully celebrated New Year's by attending the midnight mass and spending the rest of the day with my family. I know that I will never be one of them who drink and go crazy to welcome the new year. Only this time, I was more thankful to be spending the beginning hours of the year in God's prescence considering the amount of tragedy that took place during the new year's season.

At 5.00pm Yesterday, I accidentally (cause I usually don't read the news) stumbled on this news-clip about the bombings in Bangkok, Thailand. The initial stories said that the people responsible were drunk revellers who wanted to have an extra kick. The nerd in me was so glad that that I did my parents proud by staying at home and being a good boy. Of course, later during the day stories came in sayign that it was a planned attack by supporters of the outsted president. (Ah, I knew Politics would enter the scene at some point)

Well, in order to get back into the news mood, it was around New Year's did a plane crash in Africa killing hundreds and a ferry sank in a storm killing many more. This is the most catastrophic new year's I've ever heard about. (I guess I haven't lived that long)

Saddam Hussein was executed around that same time too. Man, doesn't it get worse. ex-president Ford passed away. This definitely isn't the best start for year 2007.

Fasting... and feasting

2006-12-24T00:11:00.000+05:30

I had made it a practise to fast every Saturday, from the time I get up, to 5.30pm. This good practise went off very well at first, and then began to get erratic. (That was around the same time I began to get my amnesia attacks) I suddenly would remember as I was half way through a samosa that it was Saturday, and I was not supposed to eat. The time of prayer I used to spend began to reduce rapidly, and I began to feel guilty for the same. Even that guilt went away soon enough, and I forgot that I ever fasted!

And as every Christian in his walk away from God gets some sense knocked into his head the hard way, I began to miss those times of fasting. Those were the times I used to be so close to God, talking with Him and feeling His love surround me and hold me close to Him.

So, last night, I decided that I would begin to fast again, and I also warned my mother that I won't be taking food during the day. Believe me, it wasn't easy... It's Christmas time now, and the whole dining room is decked with cakes of different flavors, smells, sizes and shapes. I would just look at them and move away, remembering my promise with God. I did pray and read a little bit of Christian literature, but it wasn't as close as it was before. But I definitely felt better today than any other day here.

The family function organized for the evening went off well too, and I was able to work well on that empty stomach. God has not forgotten me, and I thank Him for that. I didn't feast on the word of God, I admit, but this was a promising start.

Oh, and speaking of feasting, I did feast at Sangeetha Bhavan where we as a family went to for dinner. My stomach is so full, that it could burst. So much for 'putting a knife in your throat' to stop gluttony!

What if i stumble?

2006-12-22T01:18:00.000+05:30

"He told me of a young couple he had married some years ago who had represented to him every ideal worth emulating. They embodied excellence to the youth of the church. B0th were preparing to practice medicine and were on sizable merit scholarships. As he had driven away in his car after performing their wedding ceremony, my host (the pastor) had rehearsed in his mind the grand occasion it had been; in all his years of ministry he had not seen a more radiant couple. He thrilled at the prospect of all that lay ahead of them.
"But then, like a shattered dream, only a few months into the marriage came a dreadful awakening. In the predawn hours of a wintry night the pastor's telephone rang, and a distraught voice begged him to come. The caller, the young man of such promise, kept stuttering the words, "I think I've killed her! I think I've killed her!" The minister hastily dressed and rushed over to the couple's home only to find the young woman lying lifeless in her bed and the young husband sobbing inconsolably at her side.
"What had happened? What had brought about this tragedy? After a long time of prying and pleading, the story was finally uncovered. Some weeks earlier this young woman had discovered that she was pregnant. With years of study ahead, neither of them had wanted to start a family so soon. This sudden turn of events unsettled all their plans, driving them desperately in search of a solution. They considered every option. Finally, words escaped her lips that she had never dreamed she would utter. "This is completely devastating", she said. "There is no other way but to abort this child if our careers are to survive."
"The very suggestion opened a deep rift between them. They were both known on their campus for their outspoken conviction of the sanctity of the child's life in the womb. They fervently believed that each unborn child had a right all its own. Now circumstances beyond their control had invaded their absolutes; 'fate' had threatened their autonomy. Conviction clashed with ambition, and they agonized over a private decision they hoped would never be betrayed in public.
"This is when she proposed her final solution. "Let's do this at home," she said. "You bring all the equipment we need to the apartment, and no one need ever know." As a young medical student, he felt this could be accomplished, and so they nervously laid meticulous plans for that fateful night. The young man was not yet fully trained in the administration of an anesthetic, and as he stumbled through the procedure he unwittingly gave her a much larger dose than he should have. His greatest fear became a ghastly deed, and he lost her. In panicky moments that followed, with trembling hands and a cry of desperation he reached for the telephone and uttered those remose-ridden words. "Pastor, please hurry and come to our apartment. I think I've killed her!"

The preceding passage was taken from Ravi Zacharias' book, Deliver Us from Evil. Though Zacharias aimed at a different effect to this incident, I was forced to look into my own life. My spiritual life, during the past few weeks have not been going on well. What started as a slow drift has begun to accelerate into an uncontrollable backslide. My Christian discipline is at an all-time low, and there hasn't been anything good I have been doing. I am ashamed of my own behavior. Though, more than once I have promised myself that I would change for the better, too much of time has passed.
I am so grateful to God that he has been so gracious to me. I have slipped over my own vomit over and over again. I (for the umpteenth time) have broken free from that light yoke Christ gave me and am once again working for the deciever. I have compromised on my principles over and over again. However, for this young couple, the guilt of one step backward has cost a woman her life and her husband a life-time of regret.
The message that all good Christians have been trying to spread through their words and lives could be erased by one single slip. If you look at me, I've been slipping too many times for comfort. What a burden am I to my Lord?

The lyrics to this song by DC Talk gives me hope...

"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."

Is this one for the people? Is this one for the Lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame
Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need Your love in their lives
Compromise is calling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose on the narrow road you've carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar
Do they see the fear in my eyes? Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise all the doubt I'm feeling

Everyone's got to crawl when you know that
You're up against a wall, it's about to fall
Everyone's got to crawl when you know that

I hear You whispering my name [You say]
"My love for You will never change" [never change]

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You are my comfort, and my God

Is this one for the people, is this one for the Lord?

Locked in Boredom

2006-12-20T12:26:00.000+05:30

It happens over and over and over again. Every time I prepare for my exams, the only thing that goes on in my mind are the things I need to do after the exams get over. Surprisingly, you finish these required things faster than you thought you would take.

I used to invent new games i would play during my summer vacation during when i was supposed to be preparing for the examinations prior to the vacation. However, once the holidays begin, i realize that after a few weeks of serious play, I got bored of those games. And every time, i would say to myself that I need to break this continuity as soon as possible, but here i am, stuck up in this circle of boredom again.

Life in JNU was great.. No matter how much I complain about how bad the college is, and how much the system stinks, it is a great place. With the JNUCF (JNU Christian Fellowship) and other things (like really cool friends) in my life, life in JNU was great fun! I realized that if two bored people who like fun sit down together, things can really liven up. (of course, not as much as when four fun people sit down together)

Well, now that I am at home, I have absolutely nothing to do. Actually, there are so many things that I can do, but the computer, and 'Friends' (My brother is downloading all 12 seasons of the series off the net) that doesn't let me do these things. And to think that I was actually planning to read a little bit of feminist literature! Even now, I don't know a single feminist thinker!!

So, I do realize that there are many things I can do to pass the time more meaningfully, productively and satisfactorily. Its just that I'm too lazy and do these things. Well, who said working hard cannot be fun? and who said that you can have fun just lazing around? I'm telling you man, it's driving me crazy!

And i'm back..

2006-12-16T12:46:00.000+05:30

Ok, it's been a while since i last posted. The past-time of blogging was rudely interrupted by pointless hours of writing assigments and preparing for vivas and exams... Not to mention those long hours of practise at the DCC. The Delhi Christian Chorus..
For those who read my blog regularly (I know I'm talking to myself), there will be a sudden spurt of posts in the next few days.. Mostly because i have nothing much else to do. (I'm on vacation, so i'm stuck here at home) , so there's ample of time to write about the happenings of the last month, and if i'm in the mood, i might put up some good stuff in it. The next few posts will have something about the DCC, JNU exams, and the Christmas fever..

Count Your blessings

2006-10-28T15:41:00.000+05:30

Today may not be the best day for me to write about thanksgiving, because today is one of those (many) days that I got up out of the wrong side of the bed. Nothing has been going right with me all day, and there is so much of other important things I should be doing right now. But the reason why I'm sitting in front of the screen, trying to put my thoughts on thanksgiving on the screen is simply because of the fact that I've encountered another writer's block.

But, No matter what block we may face, or what looming problem we may be staring at, or how depressed we may be, we always will have a reason to thank our God Almighty. Surprisingly, every time we feel so depressed or so frustrated with life that we feel like making a hole in a wall, Counting our blessings and thanking God for them serves as a really good stress buster/anti-depressant/tension reliever.

Oh, but of course, we all know how difficult it is to be grateful to a God, who apparantly got us into this trouble in the first place? It is impossible for us mere mortals to thank Him for His never-ending love and mercy, It isn't in our nature to do so. But, in spite of the overwhelming tension, take time to 'Count Your Blessings' and ' Name them one by one', 'it will surprise you what the Lord has done.'

Speaking out of personal experience, I realized how frustrating it is to keep complaining about the unforgivably slow life I lead in this God-forsaken University far away from the rest of the 'happening' world. I also realized how moody and selfish I became after a few days. Looking this sad countenance in the mirror didn't help things, but made things worse. I became edgy, sarcastic and started hurting people around me with harsh words, until I met a few really grateful people.

For those of you who've been through this before will be completely agree with me about how torturous it is to suddenly bump into a person who's had worse day than you did, and yet praises God with all his/her might for the great day he/she had. The worst part is, no matter how great your day was, these grateful people will always display a happier face than yours. I felt terrible about myself, and I wondered how I could be such a jerk. I immediately fell to my knees and begged Him for forgiveness and thanked Him for all that He had done for me.

Right after that, all my burdens were lifted (atleast from my heart, cause I still had deal with the mundane problems of life after that) and I was able to once again walk the pilgrims path with renewed lightness.

It's a girl! ABORT HER! It's a boy! hmm...

2006-10-15T23:15:00.001+05:30

http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?NewsID=1058541

Check out that link.. It's too funny! Especially on the pathetic state this world is coming to! and it doesn't exactly put a better picture of North India than I already have! (Trackback to the previous blog on altruism., ) But still, we've got to thank those doctors for all the hard work they're doing trying to get a balance in the male-female ratio! but they're getting their paycheck anyway, so why bother?

And besides, what is this world coming to? If every man tries to get more than his share of the meat laid out for all using means practically unnecessary, what will we see at the end? Nothing for nobody! and yet again.. hmm...

anyways, i've been staring at this screen for the past 15 minutes, and I haven't been able to say anything funny or witty or even sarcy about this newsbit... hmm... I guess I'm driven beyond depression!