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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Focus outward

Like I mentioned in floating leaf 3, it does get unsettling when people all around tend to wonder 'what you're going to do after graduation', and more often than not, I was tempted to put this meme up on facebook!

The last few months have been quite difficult for me in this regard, filled with this gnawing question; what am I supposed to do with my life? Where is that hole in the world that I'm supposed to fit in? Where is my niche? I have looked at many possibilities, and have turned most of them down. I have spent sleepless nights pondering and praying as to whether I say 'yes' to this offer, or is that one better. 

While I went through this, there were so many friends who were there to support me emotionally and spiritually, and sometimes give me sound advise. This is also a shout-out of thanks to you all. 

Two years in a cloistered environment like a Theological Institute makes you soft in the head. You tend to somehow close your eyes to things that happen around you, and that lack of looking outward makes you focus on yourself more than anything else. And that's how you become self-pitying and pathetic, and that pushes you into depression and frustration. Three weeks at home, and I begin to look outward again; at people with difficult life-styles, friends who work things out the hard, but right way; I look at life in general, with all its bright colours and highlighted by rough jaded patches, and the moment I take your eyes off myself, everything falls into focus.

And once again, everything is clear. I've been asking the wrong questions. It's not "what should my career be like?" but "what should I do right now that will make a difference right now?". He will take care of the rest. 

1 comment:

azaelia said...

LOL n still lol in the library like an idiot@ ur pic of samuel l jackson. ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
neway dont worry sammy, we all kinda in the same boat, or at least ill be climbing that boat in a few months time :)