The Floating Leaf at peace

If you ever read my blog archive, you'd find that there are three or four posts with the same title, mostly wrestling with whether I need to live in the present or plan with the future in mind. The wrestling has always been taking place in the back of my mind, even when I don't write about it, but for the past 3-4 months, it has settled a lot toward focusing on the present. Wise words from a kurta-clad friend helped me feel at peace with this new development. 

If you've read/watched the "The Way of the Peaceful Warrior", (and if you haven't, I strongly suggest you do) you'd remember the philosophy of 'staying in the present'. Everything that matters is right now. Obviously, I fell in love with the philosophy when I heard it and some of you who know me would say that I tend to go overkill this one. I have always felt an existential ease with the process, and I have been the most productive when I am at peace with the uncertainty of the future, and even now, I feel that I may not have many regrets, if I get the chance to grow old and look back at my life. 

But even when I make it my purpose to work one day at a time, there are times I tend to get thrown off this philosophical horse. Mostly it's because of the overflowing emotions that I am learning to control. The first one is obviously panic. When I suddenly lift my eyes toward the future and have the swirling mist blind me and the well-meant yet discourgaging voices of those I trust and respect, I tend to lose focus on the present and begin to worry about the tomorrow, and at the end of the day, get frustrated with how I've handled the past, leading to this horrible vicious cycle that throws me into this rut making me unproductive and useless. 

The second, and more subtle (and therefore more vicious) way I lose control is to count chickens. When everything is going right with the present, I guess it's human nature to project the graph toward the future and imagine the future. The future; what was once a misty void now seems to be a paradise. The danger with this thinking that comes so naturally to us is the amount of happy hormones wishful thinking releases, making us not want to get out of that happy world. The moment we begin to count chickens, however, we tend stop working toward the goal we projected so beautifully. (To be clear, this is different for those of you who work with a dream in hand. Who work toward something you desire and overcome the odds to achieve the utopia in your head.) It does take intense effort on my part to stay focussed on being as useful as possible in the present. 

Well, just an update on the floating leaf: more to come :)

Are we born snobbish?

The contents from this post is a result of a few insightful conversations with sensible people. Therefore, thank you, sensible people.You'll know who you are. (The post is not polished, and the chances of me editing it is rare.)

Ever since I got immersed in to the (non-activist) leftist movement at JNU, I have always tried to open my ears to the voices of the poor and the oppressed. I try to look out for those that 'fall between the cracks' by either blending in too much or by being too silent. The orphan and the widow; the bonded laborer, the HiV victim cannot find the words to express their distress. They have been taught to scream silently, so that people like ourselves wouldn't hear them when we walk over them. And while there are a few who take advantage of their weakness and snatch from them what little they have, the rest of us either choose not to look in that direction, or mumble a prayer before deleting the memory off our head. I however, try to keep my eyes peeled and my ears dirt-free so I can catch the slightest whimper to either pray for or do something about it. Or so i thought...

I now realize that I am far-sighted; oblivious to the problems budding in my own college campus, just until a prophetic friend pointed it out to me. There is an entire set of people in my own college that look at me as a hi-fi person. As someone brought up in several urban settings, with (relatively) extensive computer knowledge, and who calls English his heart-language, I get a status of being one of 'those' 'hi-fi' people, while the 'normal' or 'simple' people born in a rural or poorer urban set-ups do not relate with me. There are other people who refuse to converse in English, but  can understand it, and I don't make a move to get to know them. Well, we can't blame anyone for that; we all have our different wavelengths and areas of interest, and it is these that define who our friends are. 

But this obsession with sticking with 'my own kind' is the beginning of the polarization of our campus, where people form different cliques based on their ethnicity and class-status. Everybody has their own comfort zone. But this gradual increase in the chasm between cliques deafens our ears to any cry from help from outside the group. Even Facebook doesn't effectively bridge the class/ethnicity divide between groups in our campus. The Lord, who's eyes range throughout the earth looking for a heart committed to Him and His mission for the 'orphan' and the 'widow' would reject us; who refuse to lift our head outside our comfort-group-huddle and take a look around now and then.

But why is it that we don't look outside our group? Because it involves a sense of insecurity of thinking differently from those within. Thinking differently from the group could lead you to a slow exile from the group itself. But in order to stand between the gap for the poor and the oppressed such small sacrifices will have to be made.

Paradise

Never thought I'd get back to studying, but here I am, back to unreality. I remember crying myself to sleep on my first day in Delhi. Staying on top of a deserted house in a village that was famous for its dangerous gangs. It was quite traumatic in the beginning, to hear of thefts in nearby houses, and a theft in the very same house that I had just moved into. At that time I did not have any house-hold things, except for a rice-cooker. I tried cooking on my very first night there, and I gagged over and over while I tried to stuff the sticky rice in as fast as possible. I wasn't even used to eating alone! 

2 years (counting 5 months at home) in a life like that, where my worries were about stuffing money in socks when I walked home after 11 in the night, and how I would get up in the morning for work when I was forced to stay up all night because there was no electricity and the mosquitos that swarmed like the locusts during Moses' plague. 

Now, all I seem to worry about is not being able to keep in touch with friends and not being able to organize myself, and not be as productive as I should be. The food, the laundry, security problems and the company ot have fun with is taken care of! I am pampered in many ways. I hope I do well here. Must get my act together.

Trivandrum

2006 July, found me in the back bench of a classroom at JNU watching a professor walk in to the class in absolute frustration. How much longer was I going to study? At that moment, I had vowed to not study further, ever.
2010 June finds me ready to start studying all over again. Not research, or correspondence, but actual class-room lecturing! I note - yet again (here's why) Never say never.
But this regret 'note to head' is one among many thought processes involved in the transition phase.
The next stage is the observation of the new situation. Right now, it's Trivandrum; part of Kerala, God's own country. The same place where I did my Std I to IV. The place brings back great memories of not having a care in the world, of me learning new things; how to play badminton, ride the cycle, whistle and juggle two balls; memories of a scary bullies who practised their new karate moves on you, and scarier malayalam teachers who gave me great insight on the fear of anticipation of punishment.
Kerala shares a lot of similarities with the state my family just moved from. West Bengal. Both states have a passion for rice, fish, football and communism, and for some reason, makes it much more pleasant to be in when compared to the other states like Delhi, Maharashtra and Tamil Nadu. Of course, the average speech volume in both states differ hugely. You'll have to ask the Mallus to repeat themselves while expensive seinheisser earphones are necessary to drown out the ambient noise in an average Calcutta mall.
Trivandrum, though the capital of Kerala resembles a big town. No KFC, Me D's, or any fundoo restaurant. There is a Cafe Coffee Day here, whose service and ambience leaves a lot to be desired. But Trivandrum does not disappoint a foodie. Especially a cheap foodie. A good dinner with Beef Fry, Chicken Curry, Parottas, Fried Rice, and a huge range of high-end ice-creams for dessert should make the pocket of the father of a family of four lighter by not more than Rs500. And to think I used to spend more than Rs600 for a dinner for two at the Pizza joint in Delhi!
Other than the abundance of the 'four-wheeler' (means beef... THE secret-word to avoid offending cow-worshippers - chickens are two wheelers. Mutton is referred two as meat. The guy who coined the word doesn't eat pork), the place has its cultural attractions, A huge palace with an attached museum, and an awesome open-air theatre. Of course, there isn't much money here, so you don't get the famous artists exhibiting. But there is always some celebration or the other that goes on.
In my opinion, Trivandrum is a great place to buy your retirement flat. It's quiet, very green, and slow, if you want it to be. The real estate prices, I don't think should be as high as a hill-station, though it feels like one, except for the snow. The weather is actually very moderate, with lots of rainfalls. You'll love it if you've lived in super hot or freezing cold Delhi all your life. Just that you'll have to deal with the humidity and a new, extremely complex language. The shouting and bossing around won't work here either.
I'm happy to be here after such a long time. I'll be leaving for bangalore in a few days. That will be another new experience altogether!

Short update..

Just vacated my place, and said bye to the landlord.. Have promised to keep in touch.. Moving everything from my place to A's took three tiring trips on the motorbike in the middle of a duststorm.. Will stay with A till day after..
Looking back, this move has been quite hurried, that i haven't been able to say goodbye to most friends properly; i feel it's because gravity of me leaving delhi for good hasn't sinked in.. May be it's because of all these last suppers i've been invited to! May be i might miss them after i've reached trivandrum, and am breathing easily..
Will write a more sensible post once i get to a computer!

Movie Watching

This photo was taken the last time I went to a movie. Sherlock Holmes was playing, and I don't think I can miss Guy Richie's movies for the world. But in spite of all the drama that I lavished on the movie to my friends, I managed to miss the first 15 minutes, which had the famous fight-scene.
But no matter (I managed snag a pirated version from a friend later on) this blog is not about Guy Richie, or Downey Jr, but about watching movies in general.
It's amazing where God has placed me. I live in a time and place where the technology is so good that I can get a movie within 2 hours, and live in a country is so poor that I won't get caught that easily for pirating. So, for my kind, watching the movie in a theater does not make much sense. It's just louder, the pop-corn is expensive, you have to travel to the nearest theater, and shell out a lot of money, and you can't fast forward through the boring scenes!
But there is still a special charm of watching a movie in a theater with friend(s). The picture you see was taken on Republic Day just after I got out of the theater. The fog was so dense that (other than giving the chance for a brilliant pic, which I obviously messed up - blame it on the camera) I had to walk alone for 2 kilometers through criss-crossing streets in silence in 10meter visibility at 11 in the night. The place where I was walking a famous dumping ground for thieves. They basically dumped their victims on the very roads I was walking on!
Watching the movie in a theater is never about the movie (at least in my context) but about the experience of getting there and getting back!
I'm going to watch green-zone today. If Matt D delivers, I will most probably download it to watch it again and again till I memorize every scene!

Philosophy of the Present, and it's uselessness

I was in the middle of reading Badiou's discourse in the Badiou-Zizek's Philsophy in the Present, an ebook I picked up on random after hearing of Zizek's interesting views on society from the angry ol' man. Badiou had just finished outlining his three rules of incommensurable entities; or something like that, when I heard shouting in the house nearby.
A typical fight between husband and wife, I thought. Something I've grown cold listening to every night. But tonight (may be it being a Saturday night?) the husband was home drunk. Soon the wife started shrieking, and seconds later, she burst into loud wailing. The banging of their front door reverbrated through the corridor we share, and angry footsteps walked past my door, leaving behind silence, interrupted by sobs.
The footsteps walked back to the door,and the shouting resumed. Longer, this time, with the woman shouting louder and angrier, but sadly from behind my closed door I could hear the brokenness and defeat in her voice.
A baby had also started crying in the background, and both parents began to take their frustration on the child. The argument stopped and someone turned up the TV volume. Laughter and joke cracking erupts around the corridor, and the baby's wails have turned into confused laughter and sobs at the same time.
Sitting on my bed, I fought with thoughts of going outside and glaring at the man. Another good friend had warned me that I was no wrestler, and the very thoughts of chivalry were dissolved in a good dose of fear. It was when Badiou suddenly lost all relevance in life.

(Non-pseudophilo geeks pl skip this)
Well I could bring out the incommensurable relationship of the continuity of a normal family life with the exception, namely today's fight, which breaks the rule of the general set-up. The incommensurable relationship where one makes a decision between two points of view (well, i can't assure you there were points of view; The wordless-yet-loud argument between husband and wife which does not get resolved. But what really is the relevance of this brilliant way of looking at things? Finding the characteristics of the universal doesn't make sense in a time like this!

Ok, I'm finished with the pseudophilo bs... I've had my fun :)

I couldn't understand what had happened but I don't think what happened there was right. But I cannot pin-point who's at fault. I cannot say what is to be done to make the situation okay. I cannot from my place even try to make this wrong situation right. Hence, I just witnessed something bad happen, and couldn't do anything about it.
The world in itself is full of 'bad' things happening on large and small scales. Most of the time, we can't get our head around it, let alone solve it. Why is it so hard? simply because we are a part of the problem we're trying to solve (making it a mystery, according to RZ) Don't you think the hope for us could only lie outside us?

Old Year Reminiscing

Old Year Reminiscing

The past year has been quite a ride; and I have had many opportunities to learn valuable life-lessons. So, apart from the usual stock-taking of the amazing blessings this year, I will also try to put down valuable lessons I've learnt this year, and also, when relevant, mention the people instrumental in teaching me these lessons.

So here goes.. Blessings.

I celebrated New Years last year at a friend's place in Delhi. A bunch of friends got together at 10:30pm, had a late dinner, and watched movies uptil 4 in the morning. After a brief sleep, we all woke up at 10am and began discussing politics, religion, faith, etc. If it was not for them, I would have meditated longer on the year past and the year ahead by myself, but it's only fellowship with friends like these that make New-Years different from the other holiday. Of course I had a brilliant dinner with other church friends at another place.


From here on, like to split my year into 3 chunks. The first 6 months, July, and the last 5 months.

The first 6 months.
These months were in Delhi, where I had a great time at work, and at church.

I got a chance to visit 2 places in Bihar and one place in Haryana on official duty during this time.
I got a chance to attend a cathedral service and sing bass to 'All hail the power of Jesus' Name' at the top of my voice
I enjoyed fellowship of wonderful church members in my own church. At first I was upset that there aren't many bachelors to have fun with after service, but having married members in church do have their perks.
I got to attend a piano masterclass
I got a chance to find a house of my own on rent.
I got a a new mobile phone that I can surf the net on

Things I learnt.

- You look the stupidest when you lose control of your tongue. Verbal diarrhoea sounds good only when the words are carefully scripted, and not ad-lib
- It's important to stay in touch. Though it's hard - Joseph
- Facilitated group discussions are better learning tools than lecturing - Mark D
- The art of summarizing - Mark D
- It's futile to argue with anyone above thirty (Well there are a few open-minded ones)
- Asking questions is an important tenet to listening - Moni S
- Heart-breaks stalls intelligent behavior - Anil
- There are always people to pray for you - Seema
- Going out of your way to help perfect strangers could be rewarding - Seema
- Spicy pork curry and rajaa mirchi pulls you out of depression - Khaning n Achui
- Driving late at New Years Night in Dwarka is dangerous. Too much fog -John n Jas

July

- I got a chance to visit a foreign country. (I count Nepal as a foreign country)
- A reassurance that I've got friends and family to support me when I'm dow
- I got to know what a cannula means, and that I don't need to be afraid of it.
- That TB could be a pain in the neck (well, chest... actually)
- Facilitated group discussions are so- so - so much harder than lecturing
- Overworking gets you nowhere, but it gives you a slight high.
- IVs hurt less than IM injections
- Nursing is the most under-rated profession
- The bigger the hospital, the bigger the cheats inside it
- Voveran helps.. Especially when you have a fever. - Dr Saira
- That I tend to take my health lightly. (I don't know how to take it heavily.. err seriously)

Last 5 Months
- To be taken care of by others after fending for yourself for a while requires humility
- That to leave your life in God's hands could mean that God won't tell you what exactly He's going to do with it.
- To not know what exactly God has planned could be very very annoying
- Controling emotions is no joke. (Still haven't figured out how that works)
- To take life one step at a time, especially when they are slow ones, requires patience-and faith... grr
- To fight with God really means to kick against the goads.. Ouch. I'd rather fight with myself. To hell with self-preservation
- That it's too easy to be a snob, and harder to get down to another's level
- Excitement is one cure for depression - Rachel K

Let's see what the new year brings!
Thanks for reading!!!

Update 2

It's a Sunday today, and I spent the entire morning in front of the comp. Not something a good Christian boy like myself should be doing, but we thought it better I stay at home, as predictably I start getting a fever around 10 in the morning.
Sadly, there isn't anything interesting I can post here, because of the current state of house arrest I'm in. (not to mention the daily 4 hour nap to get rid of the fever) Now, I've gotten so used to the high temperatures, I don't even know I have a fever (101F) that mom has to stick a thermometer in my mouth, give loud exclamations forcing me to bed!
The only other pre-occupation that I have (excluding youtube videos and DD Sports) is ruminating about the future! There have been so many good suggestions from many loved ones, but somehow, I feel the need to have an interest in something in order to get into it. From an idealist point of view, why work for your entire life in an area you aren't interested in at all? The catch to this point is, you need to have interest in something if you want to take that stand. What do people like myself do? Well, thats where things stand now... for those interested, thanks for reading!

Update:

The previous post ranted about people talking about me losing weight when I make sure I do all I could to become bigger. Here's the reason for the mystery.
The day after I wrote that post, I fell to heavy fever, which I figured was a normal viral. Taking it lightly, I went to work the entire week on pain-killers. But the fever didn't go down even after the strong antibiotic dose I had taken completed its course.
I had to forgo a business tour, (I was supposed to leave for Allahabad that weekend) because of the continuing fever, and had decided to stay over at work the following Monday, judging that food and laundry will be taken care of, along with everything else.
It was only after 2 more days of weakness and fever did we do an x-ray and realize it was because of Tuberculosis! (Now that's why I've been losing weight!) Now the X-ray itself is a sight to see. Three fourths of my right lung was missing! Apparently it was all covered in fluid!
An admission to a private hospital and a minor operation involving the Doc plugging a rubber tube through my back and into my lung draining two litres of TB fluid (apparently a hospital record) was something I had to go through before I got to fly home to Calcutta, where I am right now.
I will be here (in Calcutta) for an indefinite amount of time until I'm ready to get back to Delhi.
During this time, I will also be thinking of alternate careers. Anybody with an idea, please please put it in the comments. (not compulsory, but it would be great if you could specify the company/organization or college I might be interested in working or studying in)

Weighty issues

"Arrey Bhai Kaise ho? Theek toh ho, na? Pehle se bahut Kamzor lagte ho!" (Hey brother, how are you? You're okay, right? You look so much weaker than before!)
It was the second time I heard a statement on that issue today. Which sort of worries me. The last time I went home (which was not that long ago) I had lost around 6 kilos. Obviously due to the heat, stress, loneliness and indiscipline in eating, sleeping and hygiene. But I thought all of that was fixed when I went home for a break, where I had a recharge. Of course I did not put back all of the 6 kilos I had lost, but my weight had begun to increase again, setting my precedent for the new stretch of six months in Delhi.
It hasn't even been a month yet, but I guess I already have started on my downward weight slide.
The crazy thing is, from all the berating I got at home, I have actually made conscious decisions to eat sleep and exercise religiously. Heavy weight-training workouts everyday, good food, lots of fluids, and good sleep doesn't seem to help.
I take supplements, almonds, dates, and anything to help build me up, but my body still threatens to disappear into thin air one of these days.
Well, I've done my best. At least, in spite of all the weight-loss, I can still walk three kilometers in the hot sun without water and not feel tired. (Not that I do that on purpose to find out) I can still work throughout a stressful day only to get tired when it's time to shut down shop.
That's all I need for the moment. If a weak doped look is what I have to carry around, so be it. If God feeds the sparrows, I'm sure He'll find some time for me too!

Change

Observing the ever-changing weather in Delhi suddenly brought to mind a strange thought. A thought that our children would learn about the seasons and times of the year in history books, (or websites) and not in biology. And that the reason for change in the seasons then, would depend on Account-closing times.

Brings to mind about a change in me own self. There was a time when I walked out of my Std X final exam with such glee thinking that I would never ever in my life need to have anything to do with Hindi again. Most of the torture and failure I endured through half of my school-years was due to that ------ language.
In Std V, I was forced to take Hindi over Tamil, (my own mothertongue) as a second language in school because if my dad got transferred to another state, I'd have to study a new language all over again. Besides, the level of Tamil was much higher than that of Hindi.
Interestingly, my father never got transferred till I finished Std X, after which I didn't need to study a second language.
I hated the language all those five years of school. The amount of mugging up I had done was something amazing, esp for a student who hatted mugging up. We never spoke a word of Hindi to eachother. Most (or rather, all) of it was just to rote-learn paragraphs upon paragraphs about poets, their poems, character sketches and grammar terms. I can bet that 70% of my classmates who did Hindi along with me cannot hold a sensible conversation for 10 seconds.
The boy who left the exam hall all those years ago has changed a lot. I right now live in Delhi, the land of the hindi-speakers, and can speak enough of the language to get myself around. Recently, I reached my first mile-stone in the language. I mediated a discussion-cum-training program for a batch of 15 hindi speakers (who don't know English at all) in HIV/AIDS for three whole hours. I still don't have any fascination for the language, but the hatred I had toward the language has gone, and I actually want to learn more because there are so many conversations I'd love to have with such interesting people around me.
If I knew at Std X, that I would one day work in Delhi among Hindi-speakers, I would have thought the worst of myself. But now, I'm quite happy where I am.
I'm still trying to get my mind around this change in me I once thought could never happen!

721

he mini-van I used to take to work burst a tire on the way, delaying me five minutes. The only option was to get into another bus, to make it at reasonable time. The only bus available was the 721. Reputed for the most irate conductors and the densest crowds.The bus was packed beyond compare. The Mumbai locals at rush hour are DEFINITELY more comfortable than the 721 (emphasizing my opinion in the previous post.) It was this young short, loud-mouthed bus-conductor who tried to push people into the smallest crevices that made all the difference. I guess the more people you can squeeze into the bus, the more you're are respected as a bus-conductor in these parts.I climbed in from the rear entrance amid the usual clamour. Once in, I decided to stay near the rear-door because my stop wasn't too far. The conductor issued the ticket. He was standing on his 'conductor seat'! (guess, he was a little short) and yelling at everybody to move into the already crowded bus. He began pushing and shouting at me in unrecognizable Hindi - I figured he was asking me to get into the mass of flesh in front. I just stood there, and quitely told him that I would be getting down at a few stops. He again said something in loud Hindi that I couldn't understand. He began pushing another person who refused to move. The conductor's unrecognizable hindi was buffetted with another tirade of unrecognizable Hindi - this time on the part of the indignant passenger. The passenger later berated the conductor about the pushing. The conductor quickly justified himself.
"I am the conductor. I have every right to push you. If I don't push you, who else in the bus will?"
I need to check the "right to push" part with the Judicial system. Anyone have the time to file an RTI to check if the conductor does have a right to push?
After that conversation, the conductor cooled down and began to collect tickets normally. Suddenly he looks at me and says.
"Remember, I won't let you get down this entrance. You'd better start making your way to the front, or you'll never get down at your stop"
(And I thought ragging got over after college!)
I tried politely making him understand. But he didn't seem to be in the mood for explanations. I'm not the sort that makes a lot of noise and puts up a fight, so, I put my tail between my legs began my journey to the front of the bus.
With a barrage of excuse-me's and sorry's I pushed, jerked and shoved past indignant old people, understanding and co-operative young men and disgusted young women. There is no place to put your feet down. Even the hand-rail is full of people's hands that it is a rare opportunity to actually touch that rail! I was so surprised I reached the front just in time for my stop. The conductor in front gave me a glare and asked said."What are you doing here?"
I really felt like giving him a good dose of my sarcasm, (the question was sooo tempting) but he had quite big arms, and I was already late for work. I smiled and told him that I was there so I could get down. Disarmed, he stepped aside and let me down. I breathed fresh air and instantly knew it would make a hell of a post!If I ever meet that conductor again, I would definitely want to thank him for letting me tour his bus for free even in the peak season!

The floating leaf - revisited

Well, this is more of a continuation with my previous post, The Floating Leaf. I got a lot of positive comments on this particular post, but that didn't do much to my feelings, volatile as they are. God hasn't let me down yet, and I've had a great time learning how to let my life completely into God's hands. The more I put myself into Him, the better I feel about myself and the world around me. Even though the latter thinks I've lost it completely.

I was speaking with a friend who recently decided to do everything what God wanted him to do. There was so much happiness in that person's voice, though he was still recovering from the shock of letting go of something he had been holding to himself for so many years. That overwhelming rush of freedom went through him as it did me when I made that decision many years ago.

Well, to me, I find it better to plan one day at a time instead of directing your life toward a larger goal. You don't have to go through so much of planning, all you have to do is give your best at the task at hand. Everything will fall into place in it's own time. Of course, there is that motion sickness you need to deal with, because this kind of life usually has steep drops and climbs. But once you're able to stomach it, God at the engine doesn't seem such a bad idea at all!

What a way to start the new year!!

As I do every time, I dutifully celebrated New Year's by attending the midnight mass and spending the rest of the day with my family. I know that I will never be one of them who drink and go crazy to welcome the new year. Only this time, I was more thankful to be spending the beginning hours of the year in God's prescence considering the amount of tragedy that took place during the new year's season.

At 5.00pm Yesterday, I accidentally (cause I usually don't read the news) stumbled on this news-clip about the bombings in Bangkok, Thailand. The initial stories said that the people responsible were drunk revellers who wanted to have an extra kick. The nerd in me was so glad that that I did my parents proud by staying at home and being a good boy. Of course, later during the day stories came in sayign that it was a planned attack by supporters of the outsted president. (Ah, I knew Politics would enter the scene at some point)

Well, in order to get back into the news mood, it was around New Year's did a plane crash in Africa killing hundreds and a ferry sank in a storm killing many more. This is the most catastrophic new year's I've ever heard about. (I guess I haven't lived that long)

Saddam Hussein was executed around that same time too. Man, doesn't it get worse. ex-president Ford passed away. This definitely isn't the best start for year 2007.

Locked in Boredom

It happens over and over and over again. Every time I prepare for my exams, the only thing that goes on in my mind are the things I need to do after the exams get over. Surprisingly, you finish these required things faster than you thought you would take.

I used to invent new games i would play during my summer vacation during when i was supposed to be preparing for the examinations prior to the vacation. However, once the holidays begin, i realize that after a few weeks of serious play, I got bored of those games. And every time, i would say to myself that I need to break this continuity as soon as possible, but here i am, stuck up in this circle of boredom again.

Life in JNU was great.. No matter how much I complain about how bad the college is, and how much the system stinks, it is a great place. With the JNUCF (JNU Christian Fellowship) and other things (like really cool friends) in my life, life in JNU was great fun! I realized that if two bored people who like fun sit down together, things can really liven up. (of course, not as much as when four fun people sit down together)

Well, now that I am at home, I have absolutely nothing to do. Actually, there are so many things that I can do, but the computer, and 'Friends' (My brother is downloading all 12 seasons of the series off the net) that doesn't let me do these things. And to think that I was actually planning to read a little bit of feminist literature! Even now, I don't know a single feminist thinker!!

So, I do realize that there are many things I can do to pass the time more meaningfully, productively and satisfactorily. Its just that I'm too lazy and do these things. Well, who said working hard cannot be fun? and who said that you can have fun just lazing around? I'm telling you man, it's driving me crazy!

The floating leaf

All of us have faced, sometime in our lives, the following question: 'Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?' Grr... When my grandad asked me that question, I did not have any idea on how to answer him. He called me a fool and a person with no aim in life. Mommy got a lot of reprimanding because she apparantly didn't 'raise me properly'. Hmm..

There was a time when I decided what i'll become. But every year, the ambition changed. At first, I wanted to be a missionary. Then I wanted to become a pilot, after which i wanted to become an astronaut, after which i wanted to become an astrophysicist, after which I wanted to be a psychologist, after that, i wanted to go into the media.

Right now, i'm doing my Masters in Sociology. I don't know what i'll end up as after I finish my 2 years of MA. And i don't really care.. God's in control...

And as usual, I'm the only one who 'doesn't really care'. Dad, mom, granparents, and the whole battalion of uncles and aunts are worried about what i'll be doing after I finish my Masters. The more money I make, and the bigger the house I have, the more i am worshipped. If i end up as a missionary, or a poor social-worker, i'm the butt of all malicious gossip.

But, (as usual) I don't care! If God wants me to be a not-so-rich guy, I'm ready to 'walk the line'. So, i've committed my future before God, and thus, I have no reservations of my own!! Right now, I'll give my all to the things He's called me to do.. Like study, take care of the cell group, and singing in the choir. I'm also learning a lot...