While I was getting a hair-cut today, I was transported back in time when visiting the barber-shop was like visiting the dentist, (or like going to your piano-lesson when you know you haven't practised!) Basically, I could feel that sense of anxiety and worry for an unpleasant 15 minutes; where a stranger with no sense of personal hygiene runs a pair of blunt scissors through your hair, pulling it out, and pushing your head left and right, pretending you were some sort of rag-doll with a head that can turn 360 degrees!
However, my parents were sympathetic to my plight, and used to listen helplessly as I complained. Unlike the young mother I saw today. She came with her young son whom I presume studied in the Second Grade. While the barber was trying to cut his hair, she was the one shouting at him asking him to hold his head still, and pushing his head down herself when he didn't know how to. And I thought to myself. This is the ultimate betrayal! When you thought you could rely at least on your parents through this difficult ordeal, they break your trust, yielding to the pressures of conformity in the barber-shop, instead, of at least having the fun of watching the barber struggle as you refuse to conform!
I have seen kids become constant class-toppers because of this sort of up-bringing, and I have also seen kids cave in to peer-pressure later on. What struggle would it be, for a parent to tight-rope-walk the thin balance between disciplining your child and giving him his dose of TLC. It reminds me of the Calvinist-Arminian Debate!
2 comments:
Hey that's very perceptive! And something that what we (my wife and I) as parents have been trying to do... or rather in view of your post... trying not to do!
At the same time, its really hard being parents. And if we are not self-aware at all times, we find ourselves being the very monsters that we thought we would never become.
I can almost be sure that that mother was treated similarly, either by her own parents or her caregivers/school teachers.
What I find is that even though children obviously need protection, so that we avoid making them look like they are doing something bad, or that they are to blame for all the mess... even the parents (in this case the mother) need similar grace... a merciful perspective... to understand them... to love rather than condemn them. (ie. if that mother read this blog, she could feel misunderstood or even excessively guilty... wishing she was better).
But that's me as a parent talking... so perhaps I'm now rushing too soon to protect our kind! :)
Thanks NAyK! I clearly hope the mother doesn't get to read this post, and take it personally.
I imagine what she did was a 'reaction' to the entire situation of maybe being the only woman in a men's barber shop, and may not have thought long and hard at how her behavior might or might not affect her kid in the years to come.
For a single like myself, such 'reactions' (this post, for example) are so common that could be easily brushed aside.
The stakes really get higher once you reach parenthood, don't they?!
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