Are we born snobbish?

The contents from this post is a result of a few insightful conversations with sensible people. Therefore, thank you, sensible people.You'll know who you are. (The post is not polished, and the chances of me editing it is rare.)

Ever since I got immersed in to the (non-activist) leftist movement at JNU, I have always tried to open my ears to the voices of the poor and the oppressed. I try to look out for those that 'fall between the cracks' by either blending in too much or by being too silent. The orphan and the widow; the bonded laborer, the HiV victim cannot find the words to express their distress. They have been taught to scream silently, so that people like ourselves wouldn't hear them when we walk over them. And while there are a few who take advantage of their weakness and snatch from them what little they have, the rest of us either choose not to look in that direction, or mumble a prayer before deleting the memory off our head. I however, try to keep my eyes peeled and my ears dirt-free so I can catch the slightest whimper to either pray for or do something about it. Or so i thought...

I now realize that I am far-sighted; oblivious to the problems budding in my own college campus, just until a prophetic friend pointed it out to me. There is an entire set of people in my own college that look at me as a hi-fi person. As someone brought up in several urban settings, with (relatively) extensive computer knowledge, and who calls English his heart-language, I get a status of being one of 'those' 'hi-fi' people, while the 'normal' or 'simple' people born in a rural or poorer urban set-ups do not relate with me. There are other people who refuse to converse in English, but  can understand it, and I don't make a move to get to know them. Well, we can't blame anyone for that; we all have our different wavelengths and areas of interest, and it is these that define who our friends are. 

But this obsession with sticking with 'my own kind' is the beginning of the polarization of our campus, where people form different cliques based on their ethnicity and class-status. Everybody has their own comfort zone. But this gradual increase in the chasm between cliques deafens our ears to any cry from help from outside the group. Even Facebook doesn't effectively bridge the class/ethnicity divide between groups in our campus. The Lord, who's eyes range throughout the earth looking for a heart committed to Him and His mission for the 'orphan' and the 'widow' would reject us; who refuse to lift our head outside our comfort-group-huddle and take a look around now and then.

But why is it that we don't look outside our group? Because it involves a sense of insecurity of thinking differently from those within. Thinking differently from the group could lead you to a slow exile from the group itself. But in order to stand between the gap for the poor and the oppressed such small sacrifices will have to be made.

To keep things going

It's been more than a month since I've blogged, and now, I'm back; because of an unintended yet pricking reminder that it's been too long since I've left me ol' blog-desk. We writers generally bump into writers block when we either have nothing to write about, or when we have too much to write about that we don't know where to start. Inspiration comes when we generally have just enough to write about. But it's not because of writer's block that I haven't posted for more than a month now. It's because of the censor board in my head that tells me that my new found yet close friends would not take my rants about them very well. (No guys, you're all nice people... luv y'all!) 

Today we had a great game of lawn-badminton sans the floodlights, wooden courts, competition and resulting tiredness. A few months ago we had a refreshing game of volleyball, again without the angry coaches, scouts and angry team-mates. Just enough to release a good deal of sweat and a lot of endorphin. Looking back at my post-adolescent days when there was this unexplained yet deep desire to prove myself to be better than everyone else at almost every sport/skill, I didn't seem to enjoy sports. But after so many years of physical hibernation, just playing the game for no other reason that just playing the game in itself brings so much joy. Sure, my volleyball game and my badminton game will never be as good as it was 4 or 5 years ago, but who cares? It's not like I'm competing for the Olympics!

Not that I'm aged now or anything, but it's interesting to see how age changes ones priorities. What was once an insecure adolescent who finds his happiness by building his own skills that he can hide behind them, is now one who tries to focus on building up the people around him. (All you cheeky cynics, note the word tries!!) Also this 'letting go' of such obsessions gives me this sense of peace, that I now realize was forfeited when I decided to be 'better' than everyone else.

Moral of the story: Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless. What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun?

(Hopefully my next post will come out sooner and better. Writer's block still not cleared. the nanowrimo experiment didn't help either)

Negotiating Spaces

This post has been sitting in the waiting-room of my head for quite a while now! (Thanks Subbu!)

I'm writing this post at 6:30am. The only reason why I got up so early in the morning was that I need to finish an assignment by 7:30am. Unfortunately, my mind seems to be interested in other things and my stomach seems to be uninterested in the Tea I just drank, so I might as well play along. (Hope no professor sees this :P)

Fourth month into SAIACS, and back to complete health (thanks for all your prayers! TB has finally said good-bye) I am back in business! 4-5 hours of sleep everyday, and lots and lots of incomplete to-do lists in hand. I'm loving it! Though, interestingly, this was not the reason why I joined here in the first place! 

When I decided to join a Bible college, it was basically to take time off and learn about God and myself. To have a contemplative two years after which I should have figured out which direction I should be headed. So the fact that we get huge single-seater rooms, good food and excellent academic stimulation in this Bangalore periphery made me apply. Interestingly (though not surprisingly) things have been way different than planned.

This being the third campus I've lived in is more crammed than the first two. People literally piling on people. All sense of anonymity is lost. People would come to know how many times you've used the loo that week, and for some sadistic reason, will pass on the information! And though I have a single room, its prime location in the hostel makes it an ideal storage-space for all the day-scholars and a good hang-out for hostelites. This meaning, all sense of privacy is lost! And in the words of a dear professor of mine, we need to learn to just 'negotiate our spaces'. 

Though I'm ripping her phrase off her context, we've been playing with these words for quite sometime, and they have proved to be useful. The fact that we are packed like sardines in a can explains that we need to learn to negotiate our spaces of anonymity; basically trying not to tread on other's toes and sharpening our filtering systems (yeah, the ones that make sure we don't drop our guard let out important secrets). We also learn to negotiate spaces of priority. 'Is my academics more important? or is it that friend that needs my help?' 'Will I lose both rabbits if I chase them at the same time?' 'Or will I get both mangoes with the same stone?' We learn to negotiate spaces of self-images 'Should I care of what people think?' or 'Should I just learn to be myself?' It's interesting that after so many years in closed campuses, I find that I'm learning these things for the first time! With this lack of human 'space' in this huge sparsely populated campus, we have to learn to negotiate our spaces in order to live a sane life. 

 

Paradise

Never thought I'd get back to studying, but here I am, back to unreality. I remember crying myself to sleep on my first day in Delhi. Staying on top of a deserted house in a village that was famous for its dangerous gangs. It was quite traumatic in the beginning, to hear of thefts in nearby houses, and a theft in the very same house that I had just moved into. At that time I did not have any house-hold things, except for a rice-cooker. I tried cooking on my very first night there, and I gagged over and over while I tried to stuff the sticky rice in as fast as possible. I wasn't even used to eating alone! 

2 years (counting 5 months at home) in a life like that, where my worries were about stuffing money in socks when I walked home after 11 in the night, and how I would get up in the morning for work when I was forced to stay up all night because there was no electricity and the mosquitos that swarmed like the locusts during Moses' plague. 

Now, all I seem to worry about is not being able to keep in touch with friends and not being able to organize myself, and not be as productive as I should be. The food, the laundry, security problems and the company ot have fun with is taken care of! I am pampered in many ways. I hope I do well here. Must get my act together.

Where are you from?

Being a campus hopper all my life, I have found that the first few questions people ask you could tell you a lot about the atmosphere you're entering into. When I walked into my Std V class in Chennai for the first time, everybody said. "Which class do you belong to?" "Std V? Sec A? Right this way!" Do you know Tamil?, no? Are you a foreigner? Where do you live? Oh! How much is your rent?..." I got to answer all these questions on my first day at school, all of 9 years. But I (much later) figured out that they were bunch that hadn't seen anything outside Chennai. That last question told me how particular they were about the class-setup. Who was richer than the other, and why. 

When I moved to JNU, the question there was... "Which college did you study in last?" Obviously, trying to gauge your past education, and calculate your IQ based on that information. At Xaviers, it was a more happy-go-lucky kind, where one asks "What are your interests?" hoping you would have the same hysterical love for jive dancing, F-1 racing, or obscure modern poetry as they do. 

At SAIACS, the question is more primordial. "Where are you from?" People like myself, who have been travelling around do not have an accurate answer. I end up telling where my parents were from, which gives them some satisfaction. Somehow, as a person living in cosmopolitan areas all my life, the question shocks me. But it reveals a lot more. The asker, mostly someone stepping into a cosmopolitan environment for the first time in their life would prefer finding someone they could relate with better on a cultural level; mainly to help both asker and askee deal with the crazy cosmopolitan environment. It also helps build stereotypes about places and people. Put strange faces and behaviors into boxes. It is an amazing coping mechanism, helping the person adjust better if not used with caution. Stereotypes could become unproductive and racist if not handled with care.

Since 80% of the campus are exposed to such environments for the first time, much care must be taken to not step on anybody's toes. Just to know what the person's background is will let most people know where his toes are. e.g. whether the person eats pork, or whether he gets offended by sarcasm, etc. During my BA, I was thought about the evils of stereotypes, that could lead to racism, and how mean it is to ask questions based on ethnicity.  It's interesting how a little more basic (rather mundane) knowledge can help build (instead of break) relationships with strangers. 

5 Stages of Settling in

Every new place I go to, I unconsciously go through a few stages of settling in. Have you heard of the 5 stages of grief? Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance? I have my own 5 stages for settling down in a new place. 

Stage 1 Getting a feel 

Being altogether new and all, I try to keep a low profile, while trying to find out as much as possible about the place, and the kind of people that are there. Introvert as I am, I will not talk much, be as polite as possible, and try to not  step on anybody's toes. Doing that in SAIACS was quite the challenge, because like a prof here once said, 'we're all crammed here like sardines'. So getting a feel, which usually takes 2 weeks, took me only one. I got to know many great people, and spotted my potential buddies, and I slowlly slipped to 

Stage 2 Getting comfortable

As the Tamil saying goes, the 'tail came out of the pants' (translated and paraphrased). I started getting bolder, pulling out my usual sarcasm, and getting to know people a little bit more. This is when I slowly stop missing my old friends and try to 'move on' to the new ones. This usually takes 2 months to complete. SAIACS tries its best to be welcoming to new-comers, trying to help us out in any way possible, from faculty to students. The weather speaks for itself, and the campus, with its rough stone railings, huge well-manicured lawn, cheerful people, croquet, cricket, football and music lures you into itself. Days go by quickly, as not much time is wasted. The rigorous academic schedule makes sure of that. After a slight initial complaining, I'm comfortable enough to get to know SAIACS a little more, pushing me into 

Stage 3 Disillusionment

This is where I am now. Since all campuses or places showcase themselves as the ideal spot to be in, and that it's only a closer view that actually reveals that it's impossible to be 'ideal', it pushes you into disillusionment. All those assumptions I made in Stage 1 and 2 slowly break-down when I see the darker reality of what's before me. Virtues I was so used to in other places are absent here. The people here are so different from what I thought they would be like. With SAIACS, it is how stories about you are made and how they come back to you modified and exaggerated. With JNU, it was the dirty dhabas, the disregard for professionalism and usage of time, the slow way things moved POed most of us, city-slickers that learned to split every second in two. This stage is a stage where decisions could be made. (observe the hi-lighted 'could') You could either quit, or, slowly and unwillingly shift into 

Stage 4 Paradigm shift. (Pun -tended)

I haven't got to this stage here at SAIACS, but I will soon get there, don't worry. I've done it before :P. In JNU, when I was so pissed with taking things slow, I learnt how to keep myself occupied, and think and meditate on things. I watched many movies, read many books, learnt to juggle, learnt to play the guitar a little better, made a crazy bunch of friends, danced for the first time. These things I couldn't have done without having all 24 hours of the day with just 2 hours required to stay afloat in class. At Dwarka, I learnt to cope with loneliness at nights with the movies, and random outings with friends, occasionally enjoying the adventure of walking into a dangerous village unarmed at 11pm!

Stage 5 Settling Down

Nothing much to explain here. Ever heard of the phrase "The City grows into you"? It's true with every new 'phase' on the planet! Just let yourself into the experience, while trying to stay away from the parts that conflict with your own values, and 'Bob's your uncle'!

I can't wait for Stage 5.

Exams

When I was in School, the days I dreaded the most were the ones when the teacher would decide to along distribute the corrected answer-sheets two days after any (not just the bad) exam. I would silently pray every day after a class test (even during High-School) that the teacher would not walk in carrying the bundle of corrected answer papers. God, (I imagine) figured it wise not to answer my prayer then by preponing in the Armageddon or less dramatically making my teacher accidentally burn only my paper; and thus, I clambered through school.
Today, again, after two years of blissfully not having to have my work graded, I am back to the going-to-class grind, therefore resurrecting all my child-hood phobias of receiving corrected papers.
What is it about receiving Marksheets that I don't like? When I was in school, I was (apparently) 'very quiet', 'disciplined' 'listens to teacher'. At least that's what the report-cards said! The remarks section always had a lot of good things to say about me. But obviously, those comments don't matter. It is all those single digit numbers written in red that do. Especially when the exam was out of 100. Following typical Pavlovian principle, the moment I see the bundle of corrected papers under my teacher's arm, I instantly imagine the blend of disappointment, frustration and exasperation on my parents faces, and that makes everything  that happens from then on taste like vinegar.
It was only after I grew my beard did I realize that studying could actually be quite engaging, and that it needn't only be a mad race to get good marks, but something you do because you love to think and wrestle with ideas. But in spite of that lofty thought, I did feel a little queasy when I collected my paper from the pigeon-hole today.
Thankfully I got the highest marks (along with 80% of the class). Apparently, they want to grade us liberally to make us feel confident. This particular person who got the same marks as me (and 70% of the class) said; "What must I do to get one mark more?" That threw me into a bout of emotional nausea. Aww... C'mon you! did you join theological studies so you'd top the class for the rest of the year? Did you join to compete? Seriously! Get a life! It's partly because I enough of this rat-race business that I'm into theology!
But upon further thought, I realized that I was kidding myself! My own emotional frustration rose from a primordial longing to top the class myself. May be it's all that frustration of coming last all these years! But on a more serious note, I love theology, (don't quote me on this yet) and campus life, (though that emotion still has nothing to do with the present campus) and hope to make the best of the two years ahead, in spite of the nagging fear of hitting the bottom of the class by the time the month is over.

Trivandrum

2006 July, found me in the back bench of a classroom at JNU watching a professor walk in to the class in absolute frustration. How much longer was I going to study? At that moment, I had vowed to not study further, ever.
2010 June finds me ready to start studying all over again. Not research, or correspondence, but actual class-room lecturing! I note - yet again (here's why) Never say never.
But this regret 'note to head' is one among many thought processes involved in the transition phase.
The next stage is the observation of the new situation. Right now, it's Trivandrum; part of Kerala, God's own country. The same place where I did my Std I to IV. The place brings back great memories of not having a care in the world, of me learning new things; how to play badminton, ride the cycle, whistle and juggle two balls; memories of a scary bullies who practised their new karate moves on you, and scarier malayalam teachers who gave me great insight on the fear of anticipation of punishment.
Kerala shares a lot of similarities with the state my family just moved from. West Bengal. Both states have a passion for rice, fish, football and communism, and for some reason, makes it much more pleasant to be in when compared to the other states like Delhi, Maharashtra and Tamil Nadu. Of course, the average speech volume in both states differ hugely. You'll have to ask the Mallus to repeat themselves while expensive seinheisser earphones are necessary to drown out the ambient noise in an average Calcutta mall.
Trivandrum, though the capital of Kerala resembles a big town. No KFC, Me D's, or any fundoo restaurant. There is a Cafe Coffee Day here, whose service and ambience leaves a lot to be desired. But Trivandrum does not disappoint a foodie. Especially a cheap foodie. A good dinner with Beef Fry, Chicken Curry, Parottas, Fried Rice, and a huge range of high-end ice-creams for dessert should make the pocket of the father of a family of four lighter by not more than Rs500. And to think I used to spend more than Rs600 for a dinner for two at the Pizza joint in Delhi!
Other than the abundance of the 'four-wheeler' (means beef... THE secret-word to avoid offending cow-worshippers - chickens are two wheelers. Mutton is referred two as meat. The guy who coined the word doesn't eat pork), the place has its cultural attractions, A huge palace with an attached museum, and an awesome open-air theatre. Of course, there isn't much money here, so you don't get the famous artists exhibiting. But there is always some celebration or the other that goes on.
In my opinion, Trivandrum is a great place to buy your retirement flat. It's quiet, very green, and slow, if you want it to be. The real estate prices, I don't think should be as high as a hill-station, though it feels like one, except for the snow. The weather is actually very moderate, with lots of rainfalls. You'll love it if you've lived in super hot or freezing cold Delhi all your life. Just that you'll have to deal with the humidity and a new, extremely complex language. The shouting and bossing around won't work here either.
I'm happy to be here after such a long time. I'll be leaving for bangalore in a few days. That will be another new experience altogether!

Short update..

Just vacated my place, and said bye to the landlord.. Have promised to keep in touch.. Moving everything from my place to A's took three tiring trips on the motorbike in the middle of a duststorm.. Will stay with A till day after..
Looking back, this move has been quite hurried, that i haven't been able to say goodbye to most friends properly; i feel it's because gravity of me leaving delhi for good hasn't sinked in.. May be it's because of all these last suppers i've been invited to! May be i might miss them after i've reached trivandrum, and am breathing easily..
Will write a more sensible post once i get to a computer!

Last day

Was too lazy/busy (take your pick to regularly do the timeline thing like the past two days.. But right now, i'm in the bus that's hurtling down the himalayas trying to fight nausea and mobile blog at the same time (which would explain certain weird words and indecipherable sentences)
the day was good, overall.. Started late, but owing to the slow way time passes in manali, we were able to do justice to it..
We ate some delicious bun butter for breakfast along with some tea.. After getting back and freshening up, we checked out of our hotel and went for a walk.. On the way, we stumbled across a pine forest.. It was quite dense, and the trees made sure that all the sunlight that filtered through was a nice shade of green.. The walk was long and good.. There were a bunch of dogs quietly following us, hoping for a morsel.. But we couldn't spare any.. We were fast running out of cash..
We then made another pair of tourists click our pic..
Afterward, we had lunch at our favorite shack, and took our time to eat.. Only when we got to the bus stop, did we realise the bus was just leaving! We showed our ticket to the busstand manager and ran toward the bus and jumped in.. The bus master ran after us and told us our tickets were for yesterday's journey!
What now? It took up another 10min to sort out the confusion. Thankfully, the bus conductor was a nice fellow, and waited for us to make corrections.. And since the date mistake was the office's fault, we didn't have to shell any more money!

(updated the next day) The bus journey was uneventful and we managed without a heavy dinner.. Didn't want to take chances with our stomachs against the chicanes and hair-pin bends!
Of course, there was this stupid with a blaring mobile phone that didn't let anyone sleep.. He assumed everyone in the bus liked bollywood item numbers!
We reached delhi safely at 5.30a took an auto home.. The heat is already getting to me!

Day 3

(please excuse the non-rotated and badly layouted pics.. Or buy me an iphone)
6.53a just got up.. Wanted to go for a walk at 6.30, couldn't.. Or didn't, rather.. Getting up out of a razai is quite hard! Will see if i'll go now..

8.56a Made it for the walk.. To the quieter part of manali.. Came here one early morning a long time ago.. Brought back memories.. But today, in spring time, when everything is not covered in snow, you realise how the green takes over everything that hasn't been walked on in 2 months.. Too bad i don't have a digital slr :-P

10.12a came back from the walk.. Had jam toast, and chai.. The sun's come up.. We've decided to stay here the night, and leave tomo morning.. But haven't decided what to do all day today..

11.30a went walking in one direction with the aim to climb a hillock.. Bought what the shopkeeper claims are raspberries and cherries.. I think they are ooty plums! Didn't climb the hill, but decided to stop halfway and dangle our legs off the roof of an abandoned building instead! On the way we saw a car that went sailing over an overbridge being pulled up by a crane.. Wonder if the man responsible for getting the car down there survived.. Came back and booked tickets home.. We'll be leaving at 1pm tomo..

12.45p at home.. Freshening up.. Getting ready to have lunch..

14.49p finished lunch.. 8 to 10 tandoori rotis each! The roti n dal was brilliant.. Had chai n came back for uno n catnap.. Realized the increased apetite is because of the great weather, good exercise and great food.. Initially thought i could put on weight before going home.. Later decided i'd lose the same in the delhi heat anyway, so there'd be no point.

22.18p stayed in the room till late in the evening.. Went out to get stuff for friends.. Had dinner.. Not as great as before.. A has a sore shoulder.. I have a headache.. Both promise to disappear by morning.. I guess it's setbacks like these that make a trip like this complete..

Day 2

3.30a Am woken up by tossing and turning of bus.. Look out the window to see am eerie stack of lights.. Second look tells me i'm in mountain country

5.45a i don't dare open my eyes. The bus moves at impressive speed along the u bends. Keeping eyes open would result in bad nausea. I remember i need to take my medicine. I negotiate 15 seconds of nausea to pop the pills off their packets n into my mouth. The view is undeniably beautiful.. Camera doesn't capture well.. Always Blame it on the camera

6.10a we stop at sundar nagar.. Take more pics.. It's cold enough we can blow out fog!

9.09a reached kullu.. turns out the road to ladakh is closed.. Will have to change plans

11.31a reached manali.. Booked hotel room.. 400, quite cheap.. Quite shady too.. I've decided we spend as little time in it as possible.. Manali looks different in the summer.. More green than white.. We can still see snow caps though.. But there is no need for sweaters.. A thinks we can stay here for 2 days and relax.. I think we should move in the morning and find something else to do..

3.00p. We've walked for over two kilometers.. The place looks so good in spring.. Though i still like it better in winter with snow all around! Taken good pictures.. But time really slows down.. A sees the point in leaving.. I'm enjoying the cold.. I see the point in staying.. We've postponed the decision to tomo..

5.00p walked some more.. Watched honeymoon couples, each having a photographer and tourist guide tagging along.. Our camera just died.. Darn it..

6.00p walked even more. Crossed the baes river n back.. Again contemplated tomo's plans.. Bought coffee, and roamed even more..

7.00p came back to the room.. Tired with all the walking. Played uno.. Went out again.. Realize that trips with friends are not about doing cool things, but just have fun doing the same stupid things in a new place..

7.40p. At the restaurant.. Ordered one full tandoori chicken.. That's it.. It's raining outside.. Temperature around 15C

8.00p had one full chicken between us, and a full glass of milk.. Time for much needed rest..

Trip to manali

7.30p got into the bus.. Fully packed.. Aashish is saying fond goodbyes

11p stopped over at a busstop dhaba.. Had bunta and clicked pics.. I figure the toilet owner has a friend in the printing business.. See pic.. We buy mint flavored potato wafers made in ludhiana.. Awesomeness..

11.40p on the bus again.. Will go to sleep

Metro picture

The following post was typewritten on my mobile phone (T9 input) with an sms editor for my text-editing. So please adjust with the bad grammar. (Or be willing to fund an IPhone :)

Most of you (specially from delhi) would agree that one of the joys of using public transport is staring at other people.. The bunch of people sitting in front of me showed a slice of delhi culture..
The most prominent were a family of three.. migrant workers; most probably from hariyana, judging from their garb. The son, somewhere around 5 was full of life.. The father with a tiffin carrier between his fingers had an exhausted look on his face.. Obviously the family can't afford to take sunday off work, and junior had to tag along..
The kid was full of life, however.. Jumping around, asking a hundred n one questions to his mother, and playing with her.. It was nice to see the tired mom still have energy to play with her kid in spite of the hard day at work past.. Today was one of the hottest days, with temperatures blazing at 45c. The father, on the other hand, didn't want to join in the fun.. May be there was a jnu on his mind? May be he was self-conscious?
Next to this family, was a young couple engrossed with eachother; playing with a mobile phone, and learning the meaning of pda at the same time.. They paid no attention to the family next to them, even when the jittel boy put his dirty bare foot on the man's pants creating a footprint..
On the other end, was a plump man in his early 40s sporting a big moustache, he was watching the entire spectacle in disdain. Specially when the little kid put his feet on the chair, dirtying it.. The mother, catching his glance, quickly wiped off the stain with her saree, but not chiding her baby boy..
Isn't it how our city is, more or less? Mainly inhabited by the migrant worker, struggling to eke out a living, hoping to make it big in the city, and learning to find joy in little things that line their great hardships.. Our city cannot do without them.. However, the ones who have (or whose parents have) found wealth in the city either ignore the poor because they are caught up in their own world of unlimited pleasure they can now afford, judging by the new tabooless cultures they can now access due to their material surplus.. or look at them in disdain, assuming that it was all their own fault that they are poor.. But the poor are least bothered.. They cautiously keep a low profile while they continue their pursuit of happiness.

Few Random things

Present circumstances (meaning me being unnecessarily stressed out about the packing and moving to Kolkata, and then to Trivandrum, and then to Bangalore) have not allowed me to write sensible posts, so just so you (whoever you are) know that I am here, I thought I'd put up a few random things that happened to me during the  past month.

• I installed my cooler. Cut a chunk of my finger in the process. But I slept really well. 
• All-out (A liquid mosquito repellant) apparently doesn't work in anybody else's house but mine.
• I helped in a (failed) Lumbar Puncture. The guy was too big to hold steady all by myself.
• 70% of work at Shalom is done. Which is why I get time to type this up.
• I need to collect photos from friends. After which I'll post links. Sadly, I haven't used my own camera (great as it is) to its full potential.
• It's hot here, beyond comprehension. Even for a dilli-wala. I have a feeling the temperature will hit 50C this year. (122F)
• I puked an entire night's dinner and the next days breakfast because of dehydration. I had no idea that dehydration could do that!
• I'm seriously thinking about starting a new blog on music you don't have to buy. That I imagine I would update that one more often. Generally the plan dies out soon after the 'contemplative stage'. 
• A pigeon laid an egg in my balcony yesterday. And I thought it would have a nest at least. It laid the egg on the floor! And now it just sits on it. Wonder what it does when the sun comes up. DIY bird-nests anybody?
• Can't wait to get out of Delhi. There is that feeling of unease that creeps in the moment you know you'll be leaving in a few days. 
• I've had the honor of meeting so many good friends here. As much as I want to run away, I feel sad leaving them all behind.

Have a Great Weekend!

Movie Watching

This photo was taken the last time I went to a movie. Sherlock Holmes was playing, and I don't think I can miss Guy Richie's movies for the world. But in spite of all the drama that I lavished on the movie to my friends, I managed to miss the first 15 minutes, which had the famous fight-scene.
But no matter (I managed snag a pirated version from a friend later on) this blog is not about Guy Richie, or Downey Jr, but about watching movies in general.
It's amazing where God has placed me. I live in a time and place where the technology is so good that I can get a movie within 2 hours, and live in a country is so poor that I won't get caught that easily for pirating. So, for my kind, watching the movie in a theater does not make much sense. It's just louder, the pop-corn is expensive, you have to travel to the nearest theater, and shell out a lot of money, and you can't fast forward through the boring scenes!
But there is still a special charm of watching a movie in a theater with friend(s). The picture you see was taken on Republic Day just after I got out of the theater. The fog was so dense that (other than giving the chance for a brilliant pic, which I obviously messed up - blame it on the camera) I had to walk alone for 2 kilometers through criss-crossing streets in silence in 10meter visibility at 11 in the night. The place where I was walking a famous dumping ground for thieves. They basically dumped their victims on the very roads I was walking on!
Watching the movie in a theater is never about the movie (at least in my context) but about the experience of getting there and getting back!
I'm going to watch green-zone today. If Matt D delivers, I will most probably download it to watch it again and again till I memorize every scene!

Social Transition

Today I had the opportunity to witness the birth-pains of a transition. A social transition. The first steps of a village man in the new city.
I had to take a friend's mobile phone to the service center to get it repaired. Apparently sony ericsson is not a good phone to buy, especially if it's the expensive kind. Their service centre is pretty busy, even at closing hours!
As I was standing in line, a young woman in her late teens came over to one of the service guys and started taking it out on him. Apparently, he had not been courteous enough to her or something, but she was really bringing the roof down. While she was doing so, the object of the ranting was grinning from ear to ear, infuriating the girl even more. The manager of the place tried to apologise for his junior, but the rascal simply couldn't resist grinning.
The girl (who seemed to know something about what she was talking about) shouted threats to close down the shop, and to go to consumer court, etc.,
Later on, after the storm settled and the girls disappeared from the area, the manager, who was a soft-spoken man himself told the rascal to get down.
Translated:
Manager: "Arrey yaar, what is it with you? Why can't you just say sorry? Even if it's not your fault, all you need to do is say sorry, and they leave peacefully."
Rascal: "What do you mean? First of all she's a girl and she shouldn't be talking like that. And It's as though it was my fault. Why should I say sorry?"
Random Customer: "Yeah... girls shouldn't be talking like this... What did he do wrong?"
Manager: (Obviously pissed a third person is messing up with his scolding) "We try to run a business here. A quick apology makes the problem go away, and we can get on with our work. Arguments just waste everyone's time"
Rascal: (trying to rally in the customer's sympathy) "She actually lives in a Juggi in Uttam Nagar, Why should I listen to her?"
Manager at this time gave up hope and decided to take a break.

Rascal seemed to be quite stubborn with his ideals. But, thankfully, his success in the industry he works in largely depends on his attitudes to his customers irrespective of their culture, background, etc. It won't be long before he understands that his livelihood depends on customers like the irate young girl, and that it would do him more good to actually treat the girl, in spite of her ignorance, with respect.
He will also realize that taking the support of busybody customers just to prove his point won't get him anywhere in life. And that the ways of the village and terms like 'izzat' and pride don't really make sense in the city. Thus he makes his first steps into a new culture where things are different. They are hard for poor rascal, but they're the values of the city, and they will keep him alive.
The sad thing about this however, is that Rascal will only embody these values to earn his daily bread, and that's about it. If only he is able to take it a step further and treat undeserving people with respect just because he has been treated with respect in spite of himself.

Philosophy of the Present, and it's uselessness

I was in the middle of reading Badiou's discourse in the Badiou-Zizek's Philsophy in the Present, an ebook I picked up on random after hearing of Zizek's interesting views on society from the angry ol' man. Badiou had just finished outlining his three rules of incommensurable entities; or something like that, when I heard shouting in the house nearby.
A typical fight between husband and wife, I thought. Something I've grown cold listening to every night. But tonight (may be it being a Saturday night?) the husband was home drunk. Soon the wife started shrieking, and seconds later, she burst into loud wailing. The banging of their front door reverbrated through the corridor we share, and angry footsteps walked past my door, leaving behind silence, interrupted by sobs.
The footsteps walked back to the door,and the shouting resumed. Longer, this time, with the woman shouting louder and angrier, but sadly from behind my closed door I could hear the brokenness and defeat in her voice.
A baby had also started crying in the background, and both parents began to take their frustration on the child. The argument stopped and someone turned up the TV volume. Laughter and joke cracking erupts around the corridor, and the baby's wails have turned into confused laughter and sobs at the same time.
Sitting on my bed, I fought with thoughts of going outside and glaring at the man. Another good friend had warned me that I was no wrestler, and the very thoughts of chivalry were dissolved in a good dose of fear. It was when Badiou suddenly lost all relevance in life.

(Non-pseudophilo geeks pl skip this)
Well I could bring out the incommensurable relationship of the continuity of a normal family life with the exception, namely today's fight, which breaks the rule of the general set-up. The incommensurable relationship where one makes a decision between two points of view (well, i can't assure you there were points of view; The wordless-yet-loud argument between husband and wife which does not get resolved. But what really is the relevance of this brilliant way of looking at things? Finding the characteristics of the universal doesn't make sense in a time like this!

Ok, I'm finished with the pseudophilo bs... I've had my fun :)

I couldn't understand what had happened but I don't think what happened there was right. But I cannot pin-point who's at fault. I cannot say what is to be done to make the situation okay. I cannot from my place even try to make this wrong situation right. Hence, I just witnessed something bad happen, and couldn't do anything about it.
The world in itself is full of 'bad' things happening on large and small scales. Most of the time, we can't get our head around it, let alone solve it. Why is it so hard? simply because we are a part of the problem we're trying to solve (making it a mystery, according to RZ) Don't you think the hope for us could only lie outside us?

Old Year Reminiscing

Old Year Reminiscing

The past year has been quite a ride; and I have had many opportunities to learn valuable life-lessons. So, apart from the usual stock-taking of the amazing blessings this year, I will also try to put down valuable lessons I've learnt this year, and also, when relevant, mention the people instrumental in teaching me these lessons.

So here goes.. Blessings.

I celebrated New Years last year at a friend's place in Delhi. A bunch of friends got together at 10:30pm, had a late dinner, and watched movies uptil 4 in the morning. After a brief sleep, we all woke up at 10am and began discussing politics, religion, faith, etc. If it was not for them, I would have meditated longer on the year past and the year ahead by myself, but it's only fellowship with friends like these that make New-Years different from the other holiday. Of course I had a brilliant dinner with other church friends at another place.


From here on, like to split my year into 3 chunks. The first 6 months, July, and the last 5 months.

The first 6 months.
These months were in Delhi, where I had a great time at work, and at church.

I got a chance to visit 2 places in Bihar and one place in Haryana on official duty during this time.
I got a chance to attend a cathedral service and sing bass to 'All hail the power of Jesus' Name' at the top of my voice
I enjoyed fellowship of wonderful church members in my own church. At first I was upset that there aren't many bachelors to have fun with after service, but having married members in church do have their perks.
I got to attend a piano masterclass
I got a chance to find a house of my own on rent.
I got a a new mobile phone that I can surf the net on

Things I learnt.

- You look the stupidest when you lose control of your tongue. Verbal diarrhoea sounds good only when the words are carefully scripted, and not ad-lib
- It's important to stay in touch. Though it's hard - Joseph
- Facilitated group discussions are better learning tools than lecturing - Mark D
- The art of summarizing - Mark D
- It's futile to argue with anyone above thirty (Well there are a few open-minded ones)
- Asking questions is an important tenet to listening - Moni S
- Heart-breaks stalls intelligent behavior - Anil
- There are always people to pray for you - Seema
- Going out of your way to help perfect strangers could be rewarding - Seema
- Spicy pork curry and rajaa mirchi pulls you out of depression - Khaning n Achui
- Driving late at New Years Night in Dwarka is dangerous. Too much fog -John n Jas

July

- I got a chance to visit a foreign country. (I count Nepal as a foreign country)
- A reassurance that I've got friends and family to support me when I'm dow
- I got to know what a cannula means, and that I don't need to be afraid of it.
- That TB could be a pain in the neck (well, chest... actually)
- Facilitated group discussions are so- so - so much harder than lecturing
- Overworking gets you nowhere, but it gives you a slight high.
- IVs hurt less than IM injections
- Nursing is the most under-rated profession
- The bigger the hospital, the bigger the cheats inside it
- Voveran helps.. Especially when you have a fever. - Dr Saira
- That I tend to take my health lightly. (I don't know how to take it heavily.. err seriously)

Last 5 Months
- To be taken care of by others after fending for yourself for a while requires humility
- That to leave your life in God's hands could mean that God won't tell you what exactly He's going to do with it.
- To not know what exactly God has planned could be very very annoying
- Controling emotions is no joke. (Still haven't figured out how that works)
- To take life one step at a time, especially when they are slow ones, requires patience-and faith... grr
- To fight with God really means to kick against the goads.. Ouch. I'd rather fight with myself. To hell with self-preservation
- That it's too easy to be a snob, and harder to get down to another's level
- Excitement is one cure for depression - Rachel K

Let's see what the new year brings!
Thanks for reading!!!

Christmas fun

We, the Joseph family didn't know where we'd be spending Christmas until the very last moment. With late planning, and circumstances changing faster than the speed of light, we didn't know whether we'd spend it here in Calcutta, or if we'd manage to book late tickets so that we could have some family time with Grandparents, cousins etc.

But things worked out so well by God's grace, all the tickets were booked and confirmed without much hassle (how was that possible in the holiday season?!)

Being someone who has only just gathered up the courage to make mile-long walks after months of not leaving the house compound on foot due to fear of exhaustion, I found the prospect exciting. Fun with cousins in the middle of tea and cardamom plantations would test my physical stamina and pump clean fresh-tea-and-cardomom-filled air into my TB fluid filled lungs making it a truly rejuvinating experience. Just what I need.
And it's just what I got! Though we had to wake up early (at 3am) in the morning in Calcutta to reach Chennai in the afternoon, then meet my grandparents and watch a movie there, then go to bed late because we couldn't get home on time 11pm and wake up early (4am) again, to take 7 hour train-journey to Mysore, then take a 4 hour jeep ride to our cousins place, to we were all still fired up for a game of basketball that evening, and enjoy a post dinner caroling session after that. Such was the excitement!

Spending quality time with family is something I haven't been able to do for a long time, let alone with the extended family. So, the five month vacation at home with parents climaxing to a 3 day fun-time with the extended family was just what I needed.
Fun treks around the plantations, last-minute-gift shopping, the gorgeous food (courtesy Chitie) singing Christmas carols, pushing eachother to sing solos, pulling eachother's legs, talking and sharing lives and praying together made it so unforgettable.
We were worried if the trip would weary us out, because of all the travelling with so less time spent together. We had prayed hard that the trip would be rejuvenating and not tiresome, and praise God it was! ... err.. rejuvenating.
Can't wait for the next grand family get-together!